Time to get control.

The good news is: I only have 2 more sleeps on my current mattress before the amazing, glowing, soft, cloud-like, mattress that I ordered last Friday arrives.

I’ve never had the funds to buy a nice mattress. So, I was quite delighted when I walked into the Serta store and when the pretty hot salesman, Tony, said “How can I help you?” I said, I WANT TO SLEEP BETTER IN 2013.

He gave me a pillow, dressed in a fresh disposable pillowcase, and told me to have at it. I curled up in about a dozen beds before I picked the-one, a mere half-step down from Serta’s luxury line. If I’m going to make a purchase, I may as well MAKE A PURCHASE.

Of course, I am excited to see it all put together: the contemporary bed frame, the mattress/box, the 400-count monogrammed sheets, the Pottery barn duvet with new down comforter, the silky quilt, and my custom pillows… I know I’m going to sleep well.

But there’s also a part of me that’s really excited to lay in a bed that hasn’t been fucked on.

Is that sick?

It is a fortress with many walls, and you ain’t getting in.

While the crazy guy from the open mic night has toned it down (he just says hello to me now), Webber is still attempting the hunt. He sends me “What’s up cutie?” texts every morning, when I just want to reply—GET A NEW LINE. Saturday night, when I was out with Marcy and Craig, he was asking where we were so he could tag along.

And no.

You want to see me? Fucking ask me out. There will be none of this tag-a-long horse shit.

So, while I’m still down for the count in the boyfriend department, there’s a new TV show I’m obsessed with (aside from Catfish, Project Runway All Stars, Teen Mom, and The Bachelor): Buckwild.

Um. Yeah.