The Welcome Back Party

Herrooo old friends!!! I’m going to be totally honest and tell you that I have no good excuse for going AWOL for a hot minute. Lucky and I have been talking for a few months about resurrecting the blog because we’re both kind of in the same place in our lives and we’ve got some things planned in the next few months that will probably be semi-entertaining to read about, so we thought better now than never! I just know I really haven’t been up to much the last couple of years and my life would have been SO boring to read about, unless you’d love to read about me trotting around the country drinking with my friends or recaps of Teen Mom and The Bachelor, in which case – I’m your girl!

After the whole Nutter Butter breakup and my failed attempt at dating a super-hot guy fresh out of college 2 years ago, I decided that I was tired of guys treating me like I was disposable and dating needed to be my last priority, so I stopped dating. It wasn’t long before it became really apparent to me that when you’re in your late 20s and you stop dating, that also means you stop having sex (side note: that doesn’t mean I didn’t TRY to have sex. I did try, with a really hot guy in the Navy that I met while I was out celebrating my 29th birthday. It is surprisingly hard to get a guy to just hook up with you and promise to never call you again.) When I came up with this plan I was about to turn 28 and hadn’t been without a guy since I was 14. I was serial dating all the wrong guys, knowing they were the wrong guys, but continuing to date them because I didn’t know how to be alone. And, what girl in her 20s doesn’t think she can rid a guy of all his bad habits? The stuff that I let those douchers get away with doing to me is so shameful, and I finally realized that if I didn’t take the time I needed to figure out who I was without a boyfriend, I would continue to date these awful guys and would probably end up married to and then divorced from one of them. If this is the part where you expect me to tell you that I finally met Prince Charming (See: Neal Bledsoe), then look away now, because that didn’t happen. I’m still single, but more stable and [I would hope] able to make better decisions. And when I say “better decisions,” I mean in the long run, I’m totally not opposed to bad decisions that are short term/one night stands with hot guys because… 2 years.

Also, this isn’t a post about self-discovery. I mean, come on, look who you’re talking to here: I’m still totally inappropriate and get way too drunk with my friends, albeit a lot less frequently now that we’re maturing. I’m still not really sure what I want to do with my life, but I finally realized that I’m not going to figure it out by dating assholes that cheat on me and have the audacity to manipulate me into thinking I deserved it. LOLZ – the fact that those things ever happened is so stupid, but it makes me pretty happy to know it’s all documented on this blog.

The whole “I’m not dating at all” concept is perplexing to basically everyone I tell. All my friends and family have tried to set me up so many times, like SO many times, these last 2 years and would then get super offended when I turned down the offer because they don’t understand why I would choose to be alone while I’m in my prime baby making years. Uh, maybe because guys are man whores and I don’t feel like being emotionally drained and worrying about STDs all the time? I don’t know! I’ve ruined a few friendships with guy friends who thought this stint of singledom would be the best time to finally ask me out. I know telling someone not to take it personal is almost always bullshit, and it is still total bullshit in my case because of course if the perfect guy came along (See: Neal Bledsoe above) I wouldn’t have turned him down, but I wasn’t about to waste my time or theirs when I already knew I wouldn’t be that into it. I’m pretty sure my family thinks I’m a lesbian (as long as Neal is still out there that’ll never happen) since I’m not married and don’t have a bunch of babies, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re from a small town. My Grandma sat me down for a serious conversation a few months ago about getting artificially inseminated so I could have a family, there’s a cute guy at her church she thinks would do it – and by do it she meant jizz in a cup, not actually fuck me. My guy friends that are married have been pushing me to stay single for as long as possible and live the good life, because once you get married it’s a long road of misery, or at least that’s what they tell me. I overheard my Stepdad telling some other family members that it (my love life) will all be okay because I’ll be able to start catching guys on the next round. What’s the next round? Oh it’s just all the guys that got married and popped out a bunch of babies when they were 22 who are now 30 and getting divorced. Exactly what I want, a divorcee with a bunch of babies. Real talk, it’s kind of fun watching everyone squirm because they can’t figure me out. But, I’m almost ready to start dating again, like seeing one more Nicholas Sparks movie alone and then I’ll date anyone with a pulse almost ready.

P.s. As of today, Neal Bledsoe still has not approved my facebook friend request, but I’m okay with it. A few months ago, after 4 ½ years of persistence, he finally acknowledged my existence on twitter. Small victories.

P.p.s. We just got Instagram: Instagram.com/cocktailsattiffanys

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I had a shitty weekend. Real shitty.

Hmmm… where do I begin?

On Friday, I was SUPPOSED to have a second date with the passive guy from Ok Cupid. In the morning, he sent me a text asking if we were still on for that night. Yes, I said. Do you want to meet me or can I pick you up? he asked. I told him he could pick me up. He asked if 6 pm would be an okay time. I said yes.

Then he asked: Can I be honest with you for a second?

I said yes, of course. And I knew it was coming.

He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t feel like I looked him in the eye very much on our first date, nor did I do a good job of making conversation.

Ummm what? We hung out from 7pm until about 3 am, so….

I asked him if our first date sucked so bad, then why did he ask me on a second date (not to mention, why did he read my blog and buy my book)?

He said he actually did have a good time on our first date, but that since I didn’t text him very much afterward, he thought maybe i was not interested. Because of that, he actually WASN’T going to ask me on a second date, but then he just thought “you never know.”

I’ve been on some dates with some assholes, but I’ve never had a guy plan an entire evening, and then text me 4 hours before he’s supposed to pick me up, and tell me that because I didn’t look him in the eye or text him enough, that he didn’t want to go on the date.

Anyway, since it was the Friday before a holiday weekend, my boss was kind enough to let us leave early (like at 2pm). She knows I work a lot after-hours and on the weekends, so to her, it really wasn’t even a break, she just didn’t see the point in making us sit in an office when there was pretty much no one around.

Oh, but of course! Someone in my office was stalking my Twitter feed and saw a tweet that said it felt good to be at home. The Tweet was posted before 5pm on Friday, so my coworker (not exactly sure which one) took a screen capture of it and showed my boss’ boss.

So we all got in trouble.

For what, I’m not exactly sure.

Then Saturday night rolls around and I’m with my friends, having some drinks, blah blah blah. When I wake up Sunday morning, I have another email from my boss saying that one of my coworkers (not sure who, again) took offense to things I was Tweeting Saturday night, so he/she screen-capped them and sent them to my boss, saying that it was not a good representation of our company.

CAN A BITCH GET A BREAK?

So, now, I’m at work, sitting here, not really sure if I’m going to get lectured later or not. I seriously hate my job. If anyone knows of a job in web/social media/editing/writing… let me know. I don’t care where it is.

SOS.

Dates, dates…

Hey yo! Well, ever since I got my stupidly small raise at work, I’ve been focusing on other things that are much more important…like me!

So, I’m still on an online dating site, and I FINALLY met up with this guy I’ve been talking to on there for about two months. After about six weeks of messing through the service, we traded phone numbers and decided to meet up.

While he nice, and looks like he looks in his profile pictures, I’m not quite sure the spark is there. We do have a lot to talk about — even though he seems pretty passive and agrees with me on most subjects. Which actually makes me wonder what would really piss him off? Just out of curiosity.

The weird thing about him? I think he stalked me a little too much before we met up. I don’t mean he looked at my online profile several times (though he did), I mean he googled where I’m from and mentioned it on our date. Like he knew the county name and the population.

That’s shit I don’t even know.

In the meantime, he reads my blog, which is cool, but texts me about my post of the day. Is it weird that this gets on my nerves? Like, I don’t really want to discuss the topics on my blog. He also admitted that he bought my book — which is cool — and that he already read it.

I don’t know… I’m just kind of turned off. I am used to guys not supporting me, so I’m trying to turn a new leaf and say, “Hey, this guy is just trying to be supportive!” But part of me thinks it’s a little weird.

When our first date was over, we hugged goodbye, and I thought…well, if he asks me out again, I think it deserves another shot; if he doesn’t, I don’t really care.

He asked me out again for Friday night, so we’ll see how it goes. In the meantime, what do you guys think, am I being too weird or is he?

Captain peg leg.

Hey hey!!

I am writing to you all from the comfort of my bed! Am I sick? Heck no! I’ve having my very own version of Ferris Bueller’s Day off… only I’m not going to a bunch of cool places in Chicago.

Instead, I’m in bed, watching the television marathon of Below Deck… and yes, I’ve had this day planned for at least a month, because I love this show, and it’s never on TV, but TONIGHT is the season 2 premier!!!!!

Although I planned to completely be lazy today, I actually got one freelance project finished and I put my dishes away and cleaned my bathroom… not so lazy, right?

Truth be told, I never have liked missing work or school, but I do feel like I’ve been working my ass off lately, with little-to-no recognition for it. I cannot remember if I’ve mentioned this already, and I’m definitely too lazy to go look, but I did get a raise. A whopping 3.4% raise. I wanted 10.

And I do not mean to sound greedy. I just feel like I took on a job that wasn’t even the one I applied for, and I did it without complaining, so where’s the reward?

I feel like I’m torn, because I think I could be making more money working somewhere else, but I’m not so sure I want to leave where I am — this is a battle I’ve always got on my mind.

But until I figure it out… I’m going to enjoy the rest of my day playing hookie (and hitting the gym, of course). Until next time…

Herrrroooo!!!

Hey guys! Sorry it’s been so long!

I am just returning from spending a week with Gizzy & Buttons, and it was SO fun, I’m pretty much still recovering. I have so much to tell you guys, but I’ll try not to ramble, and I’ll try to remember everything.

Initially, Gizzy invited me to town for a wedding she was invited to — it was my first time as a “plus one,” and it was really fun, considering the wedding was VERY FANCY, only we both got hammered, and I thought I was going to barf, and then we both started crying (not until the cab ride tho) because we’re single, and actually Gizzy was the one who ended up being sick.

Go us.

The rest of the week followed suit, as we ate and drank all sorts of yummy things, watched trashy TV (including The Bachelorette finale, who’s glad she picked Josh?!??!?!), and all-in-all, it was a jolly time. When I got back into town, one of my coworkers picked me up and filled me in on everything that happened at the office since I’ve been out.

While most of what she said was pretty standard, she DID say that I could look online and get my raise information. I was really nervous to look, but I did… and I was disappointed.

Before the raise, my salary was $41,600. The raise bumped me to $43,014.

Do I sound like a diva? When I told my coworker about the raise, she was all, “CONGRATS, THATS SO AWESOME, I HOPE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT RETURNING TO WORK!!!!”

Umm, it really didn’t. I think that’s like a 3% raise, and I was hoping for 8-10%. I feel like I’ve taken on an entirely different job, without being asked, and I’ve done a pretty awesome job at it, not to mention that I’ve only gotten one raise in the 6 years I’ve worked here (when I went from $40K to $41K).

I dunno, what do you guys think? Standard? Or am I being a diva?

OK Cupid update.

So, I’ve met up with two people from OK Cupid so far. Which I feel like is a pretty good record.

The first person I met up with was “Beard Guy,” and we went to a karaoke competition, which was really fun. I met him around 9:30 on a Wednesday night, and stayed drinking/talking/watching until 1:30 am. Yeah, I was really exhausted the next day, but it was a lot of fun.

That same Thursday, I met up for coffee with “Outdoorsy Guy.” I wasn’t sure what to expect, because he asked me for coffee right away, so I didn’t know much about him, and he had a whopping ONE picture online that was kind of far away.

Turns out he’s from Iran, and he was in the states on a visa, because he was getting his PHD in petroleum engineering. He had recently learned English, so I had a little trouble understanding him, but at first our conversation was fairly decent. Then, he started asking me about the things I like to write on… I told him love, dating, relationships… and he looked up my blog (not this one) and column… and said…

“Don’t you want to write about something more serious?”

Like, what, petroleum engineering?

I was pretty much done with the conversation at that point, but I finished my coffee and politely said I had to get back to work.

He asked for my number, and this is where things get awkward. I didn’t have any interest in seeing him again, but what was I supposed to say? No, I don’t want you to have my number?

So I gave it to him, and of course he called me right then, so I would have his.

He texted me the following day, and when I didn’t reply, he sent me a shitty text about how rude I was. Then, a few days later, he was reading my blog, and sent me a text regarding it — umm okay, so you thought my blog was silly, yet you’re reading it, and you BLOCKED me on Ok Cupid, yet still texting me.

#ByeFelicia

I met up with the beard guy for a second date — dinner and a movie.

It was fun, but I just wasn’t feeling a spark. I decided that ultimately, I just cannot seriously date someone who works in the service industry. And I don’t say that to be judgy — I’ve worked nearly 10 years in the service industry. But the schedule, and the lifestyle, just doesn’t mesh with mine.

I think he was feeling the same vibe, and we talked about it and decided to remain friends.

Since then, I’ve started talking to a few other guys, that I’m hoping to meet. So far, I still think this is a good experience — I’m learning a ton about what I want in a relationship!

I haven’t forgotten about The Bachelorette!

I know I pretty much dropped the ball when it comes to Tweeting or even commenting on The Bachelorette… but I’ve still been watching it. Seriously, no matter how much that show pisses me off, I still get sucked in to watching it every single season!

Tonight is the hometown visits, and I feel like THIS is when things really start getting good — we really get to see who these guys are. I don’t know about you, but I’m rooting for Josh; he’s fine as hell, and he seems genuine. Nick on the other hand, not so genuine.

Anyway, how was everyone’s 4th?

Per usual, all of my “coupled” friends went out of town for a couples trip (I didn’t know people really did that, but they do), and I was left to my own devices. I ended up going to the gym in the morning, going to the grocery (to purchase a gallon of wine), and setting up shop outside on the roof of my building.

I had a lawn chair, beach towel, wine, chips & dip, and a good romance novel. It was actually quite nice. I felt like a little bit of a loser, then I really was just enjoying my time relaxing and getting to read a good book.

I started to get a sunburn after just a few hours, so I came inside and caught a good nap before grilling some kebabs and corn on the cob. It was a good day.

Meanwhile, I cannot remember how much I’ve said on this blog about me creating a profile on OK Cupid? If I haven’t mentioned it, then now you know and I’ll have some explaining to do for next time.

Anyway, amidst all of the people I’m meeting and talking to online, I kind of started talking to someone from my past — don’t worry it’s not an ex! Instead, it is a guy I had a crush on in high school. We’ll call him Pickles, because that is what I call him, anyway.

Pickles and I had our first real run in in high school at winter formal my freshman year. Gizzy was my date, and during every slow song we would run into the bathroom and hide because it seemed like we were the only ones without a person to dance with.

But when one slow song started, Pickles asked me to dance. And I’m pretty sure I’ve been hooked ever since. He is unconventionally cute, with blonde hair, and a coy smile.

In college, I saw him a few times during visits with other friends. But it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started thinking of him, and started wondering what he was up to.

So I sent him a message on Facebook… but it went with no response, and so I figured he wasn’t interested. No big deal. About a year later, I started to wonder again. But since my first message went ignored, I didn’t write another.

Until last week. I figured what the hell, and reached out to him via Twitter. And within two hours, he called me.

We’ve been texting and talking every day since then, and when I go see Gizzy at the end of the month, I’m going to stop for a drink with him, too.

I don’t want to pitch it as more than it is… I know he lives far away, and I think the visit will be telling — there’s got to be a spark, you know! But, either way, I’m really excited to see an old friend.

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