When co-blogger Lucky and I decided to start a blog I thought the first time I wrote something it was going to be about heavy duty staples or how I got stood up on Wednesday night.
I’ll get it out there now, I promote Captain Morgan (yes, one of those skanky skanks that walks around bars in a red corset and fishnets handing out free shots and foam pirate hats to drunk frat guys, 50 year old men, and their undeserving dates.) Last night I was doing the usual “Here take this shot! Don’t be a pussy!” act when one of the bartenders pulls me aside and whispers, “Hey pirate, come here I’ve got something to show you.” I was nervous, this bartender is a little rough around the edges so I honestly thought he was going to pull out a bag of meth and ask if I wanted to smoke a bowl. Instead he shows me this little gem…
Where do I begin. First, I’ll just say there are 2 other videos of Steve’s run in with the coppers of the bayou. The first dating back to summer of 2005 and the most recent from March of 2008. When the cops first meet Steve in 2005 he is riding the same lawn mower that he is here in 2007. That is one trusty mower. The cop pulls Steve over because he is driving his lawn mower down the highway. When they pull him over they discover he is also drinking while driving, the cop calls him out on it so Steve chugs the rest of his beer and throws it in the grass and says hey I’m not drinking anymore I finished it, but now faces a littering charge. Which we all know from the signs along the highways can and will be prosecuted punishable with a $1000 fine. Dirty po’s. Steve redeems himself and says he’ll pick up the can, so the officer refocuses his attention on Steve driving his lawn mower down the highway. Steve states that he knows his rights and mowing grass isn’t illegal. True dat Steve! The officer asks for Steve’s identification, Steve stands up to get his wallet but gets distracted because he has to pee. No better time than the present, right Steve? The po tells him to stop peeing and to come with him. This officer must be a moron because everyone knows how hard it is to stop mid-stream. Steve tells him he’s almost finished and to chillax for 1 second. Po doesn’t like that. So he pulls out his pepper spray and sprays it right into Steve’s eyes. So not cool. Steve falls off his mower and away to jail he goes.
Now, in 2008 Steve isn’t on his mower riding down the highway like in the other videos, he calls the cops on his wife. Which leads me to believe the mower went ca-put. So. Sad. Anyway, Steve calls the cops on his wife because she is kicking and throwing shit around and he is sick of it. Why? Because it’s his damn house! I don’t blame you, Steve. Tell that bia how it is. As Steve is telling the officer he needs to take his wife away to jail he is puffing away on what looks like a ciggy. The officer asks Steve if he is smoking marijuana. Steve starts to say that he grows his own but stops. Smart move, Stevo. Instead he says, well yeah it’s my house I can smoke weed if I want to, I know my rights. Not good Steve, not good. Steve seems to have the pot confused with the drink thinking he can have as much as he wants as long as he’s hunkered down in his camper-with-a-built-on-deck! The copper decides Steve smoking the pot is worse than his wife kicking and throwing shit around and away he goes back to jail while his wife cackles in the background. Bitch.
Clearly Steve isn’t the brightest crayon in the box and probably deserves to be in jail, but I hope everything works out for him and next time he can make it to the oyster shack with no problems from the po-lice. Keep on knowing your rights Steve!