HODGE PODGE!

I don’t really have any juicy stories to share but I have had a hodge podge of weird encounters today that need to be passed along.

First, I’ll just say I just went on a little drivey-poo to rock out to some B-O-B and as I was leaving I saw the guy pull up in the green silver racing stripe cavalier that I used to think was demon jack off poonanis.  When I wrote the first blog about poonanis I thought his roommate had moved out for the summer.  Well the squeaking and jacking off got to be too much so I moved my bed and tv into my roommates old room.  Turns out the roommate didn’t move out.  He is way quieter than poonanis so it’s an ideal situation.  But, when I saw the guy walking up the stairs I thought maybe it’s the roommate of poonanis?  YEP! And I heard him have sex last night.  I’ll just say this ladies, I don’t think we’re missing much.  It sounded like a jack rabbit bouncing around, if you get my drift.  Plus he’s short, the car, AND he’s from New York.  He just screams douchebag and looks like he could have some guido tendencies. We can watch Jersey Shore to get our fill on that bidness.

Next on the list is the conversation I heard happening when I left class this morning and I think it had a lot to do with how I spent my evening, looking for safari animals on google earth (just an fyi – google earth is not as clear in africa as it is in the US it was all pixely.  Such a disappointment!)  I’m not racist by any means but the color of their skin plays a huge role so I’m going to refer to them as black girl #1 and #2. Shit, I may be black for all you know.

Black girl #1: I can relate to care-e-beeeeyan (Caribbean) people because my mamaw is from the care-e-beeeeyan.  So I am a black care-e-beeeeyan African American woman and when people look at me they just think I am African American.  And I be like why don’t you just ax me where I be from? It really pissin’ me off cause I aint just African!

Black girl #2: Girl, I know how you be feelin’.  All dees white peoples think we all be comin’ from Africa.

THEN I see that Black girl #1 has a tattoo on her back, of Africa.  I wonder why people always think you’re from Africa tard banger.

Right before I witnessed this epic epiphany I was sitting in class texting co-blogger lucky about the ensemble my professor was wearing.  Let me set this up for you.  She is probably 27-29, I think she might be from somewhere in South America or she has a lisp.  She has massive curly hair with gnarly looking roots, we’re talking that her hair is naturally dark brown and at one time a long long time ago she had gotten a lot of blonde highlights.  But now they’re bronze and it looks BAAD.  She has shank like teeth and I counted yesterday in 1 class period she said, RIGHT, 385 times – in 1 hour.  So as you can imagine she’s a little out there, right? BAHA I kill myself.  Anyway, she has come in with some bad outfits but nothing like today I sat there the whole entire class period not listening and just repeatedly saying to myself, “she cannot think that looks good.”  She waltzes in and she’s got her big puffy hair pulled back in pigtails (not braided pigtails, don’t give her the benefit of the doubt, these were your standard pigtails) with two lavender scrunchies that were different shades of lavender.  We all remember in Sex and the City when Carrie and Berger almost broke up over a scrunchie comment don’t we?

A scrunchie is bad enough, but 2?! And different colors?!!!! So heading down she had on with her different colored scrunchies rose lipstick.  No other make up, just the scrunchies and the lipstick.  She had on a white button down with some lei jeans, remember from 7th grade?   And tennis shoes.  I desperately want to submit her to What Not to Wear, I think she would be a prime candidate.

In other news, things are on the ups with HOTTIE we were supposed to have a drink on his balcony tonight but poor me has too much work to do.   I mainly said no because it’s taking everything I have not to rip his clothes off when I see him every morning.  I think I’m going to have to hang out with him soon and make an attempt at self control or he’s going to think I’m not interested.  I need to get this while the gettin’ is good and before he finds out I’m 4 years older than him.

I decided that since I probably won’t talk about douchearoo that often I’ll make thirsty Thursday’s the day that I post the next email in the packet of douche I have collected.  We’ll call it Douchey Day for the time being.  TOMORROW IS DOUCHEY DAY!! Look forward to hearing about fellacio on the kitchen counter.

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