Today something more disturbing than getting fired happened, which I’ll get to getting the boot later. I roll out of bed at 10am after listening to a jack hammer pound away at the concrete outside of my apartment for 2 hours, hop on my computer, and start to type in the web address for the blog.
Safari has made life just a little bit easier by only requiring me to type in the first four letters of the address and it finishes the rest for me and all I have to do is press enter. It has become such a habit that I don’t even pay attention to it anymore, I type in cock and press enter. Easy as pie. Well last night safari was a pissin me off, so I reset her, clearing out my history and you guessed it autofill cocktailsattitffanys.wordpress.com. So today when I typed in cock and press entered this is what came up:
cock.com. I’m not really surprised per say. But my eyes immediately started to dart around the page like I was in a hurry because my mom was going to walk in the room at any moment and bust me for looking up big giant cocks when I’m supposed to be doing my geometry. Anyway, I just thought I would share because lets hope I’m not the only one that has seen the wrath of cock.com.
On to my story for today.
As I mentioned yesterday I work for a fortune 500 investment company, we’ll call them Whorgan Manley. Basically I’m an assistant to two financial advisors – we’ll call them Bob and Tom.
Bob is a yip yapper, never shuts up and could be Donald Trump’s twin brother separated at birth. He’s constantly interrupting my steady work flow to bring me print outs of his predications. Sometimes they are predictions about what the stock market is going to be doing, but usually not. The last one I received was about what he thought my life was going to be like in 10 years. And it was not pretty. He told me I would be over paying for a house, have no retirement fund, and my children would be deadbeats. All this information he gathered from the stock market, so he says. After which, I ran to the bathroom so I could have an ugly girl cry by myself.
Tom on the other hand is a big church man, one with the lord. He gets worked up over minute things and asks every hour on the hour, “Gizzy, do you have enough work to do?” All because 1 time I left early because I had nothing to do, by request of his assistant. But, for some reason I feel uncomfortable looking him in the eye. Which I have learned in the business world could get me a slap on the hand. I think it’s because around Easter he handed me a business card that was actually an invitation to spend Easter Sunday with him and his family seeing a play about the resurrection of Jesus followed by a home-cooked meal at his house. I’m not sure what the laws/rules are on interoffice religion chat and I hated to break it to him that I do in fact have a family of my own and I would be spending Easter with them so he could count me as a no. The guy looked crushed but like what the f? Thats weird.
Anyway, the past few months I have been less than a stellar employee, doing just enough to make it look like I’m busy but mainly cruising the web for good deals on trips. I don’t have money to take a vacation but it makes my whole day if I can find a good deal. So yesterday I walk in and Bob and Tom’s assistant Angel asks if I checked my email. I reply with a slightly more polite version of no dumbass I just got here. She says no my personal email. Well no, why would I check it before work? That means I would have to wake up 5 minutes earlier. So I get on my phone (they have my school’s website blocked. Ugh. Business prudes.) and find this waiting for me:
I spoke with Bob. We appreciate your hard work and focus on school. He and Tom feel
there is no need for you to come in the rest of this week or next week. Kevin has agreed to take
over your responsibilties until a replacement can be hired, so we will be letting you go early. Thanks for
your help this year and best wishes for your future.
Sooooo…. did I just get fired? I asked Angel the same thing and she said oh no no no, we just decided to let you go early so you can focus on school. Well Angel you know that my classes have been over for a week now and that’s why I’m working more the next few weeks. She smiled and said “OK! Well good luck with everything and keep in touch!” So I slummed out of there like I had just been cut from the biggest loser.
So now I’m going to be 25, single, living at home, and unemployed. Life is great.