90’s toy commercials

As promised, the findings of mine and Lucky’s Friday night:

Lucky’s Favorite: Sally Secrets

My favorite: Susie Scribbles (Might I just add that I never had a Susie Scribbles when I was little and asked for it every year for my birthday and Christmas until I started my period.  Instead I got Skippy Scribbles, Susie’s half assed teddy bear.  Don’t worry I’ll show his sub-par commercial too.  Also Susie is so badass she doesn’t even have a commercial so here is a video that made Lucky and I pee in our pants a little.)

Skippy Scribbles (Ugh.)

What started us looking up all these glorious commercials was Lucky’s desire for a Polly Pocket Compact.  I say desire because she would probably take the toy over the company of a mediocre man, as would I.  Here we have Polly’s big day, lets live vicariously ladies.  Polly is so lucky!!

I hope everyone took note of Polly’s crazy drunk friend with the braided pig tails that took up the whole goddamned church.  What a whore.

UPDATE: I just watched this Polly Pocket wedding day video again and noticed a few things I didn’t notice the first few times I watched it because I was too busy laughing at pig tails, Polly falling on her ass, and the ginger preacher. But, does Polly get stood up?! I don’t EVER see the little green clay guy inside the actual church. And wtf Polly, you have this nice reception area set up upstairs and you don’t even give pig tails the opportunity to use it before you fly away in your love rocket? Or did you just decide to nix the reception all together because you just had a bunch of lesbians show up and didn’t want to witness any scissoring on your wedding day? Polly has got some big time questions to answer when she gets back from space.

Next up we have Oopsie Daisy, the possessed and possibly drunk doll with a giant head that can’t keep her shit together long enough to crawl across the floor.

Here we have the Cupcake Dolls Commercial

These cupcake dolls were probably a good idea in the 90’s before everyone was 900 pounds, but these days if you came around with a doll that looks like a cupcake you are going to get a lot of pissed off little kids.  Like when they open up the cupcake and find a gob of blonde hair they are going to go ape shit and throw poop.

Another effed up commercial that would never fly these days but was aweeeesooomme back in our day: Puppy Surprise

I mean, wtf Hasboro all the puppies look like the Mommy? Where the fuck is the deadbeat Dad? Off getting some other pink dog knocked up? Oh. Ooook.

Annnnd one for the boys: Creepy Crawlers

Go go Power Rangers! It’s Morphin Time!!!

I’ll save a few for next time.  Parents, buy your kids what they ask for at Christmas, because if not they’ll be writing a resentful blog about you in their mid-20’s.  Good day.




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4 thoughts on “90’s toy commercials

  1. I remember all of these except for the cupcake dolls. I’m a little disappointed in myself for forgetting something with the word “cupcake” in it.

    Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

  2. Do you remember Pretty Pretty Princess, the game? What about Lite Brite?

    Gizzy—that Polly Pocket video made my WEEK. I think the whore with the braids is you, in doll form. Let’s face facts, we will be the drunk bitches at all the weddings (if we every get invited to any).

    L

  3. Yeah my sister still plays with my lite brite, and I have the commercial gearin’ to go for next time. Along with the original baby alive and some others. I wish someone would pay me for this. And to play with my old toys.

    -Gizzy

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