This is going to be short. Just a HERRO, HOW ARE YOU FRIENDS!? Because Lucky is 100% right I am incognito after this past weekend and a run in with a certain NBA player (see: Shawn Marion) and I am scared for my life of getting the panties sued off me.
However, it has been 5 days and I’d say everyone has ALMOST forgotten about it. I am going to wait until tomorrow or maybe Friday to REPOST the full story of what happened. I posted it and then peed my pants and threw up at the same time because if you googled Shawn Marion we were a top result. Which is great because HELLO READER CENTRAL and MTV CALLING US ABOUT A REALITY SHOW but I am real scared of having some large black men show up at my front door and be like, “Are you that HO from the bar posting blogs about Shawn Marion and how he can’t take shots and how his manager has PUBE HAIR!?” And I’d have to put on my best Dolly Parton accent and be like, “WHAT! Little old me? What’s the internet? Well I’ve got 5 young ones runnin’ ’round and a bun in the oven so I’m gonna need you fellas to pick up a broom, pick up a baby, or get out because mama doesn’t have enough corn bread to feed ya if you aren’t pullin’ ya own weight YA HEAR!?”
I mean most of you don’t know me, but I can do an AWESOME Dolly Parton impression and it will totes work. Which could also be a new series on the blog, “Dolly” takes the world. And it would be like different instances of me using my Dolly Parton impersonation to get out of sticky situations that only I would get into.
I also need everyone who is Catholic (because I am not) to cross themselves and say “To the father, the son, the holy spirit, and to Gizzy getting a job tomorrow” because tomorrow is a big day, I am going to a career fair where a lot of big time company’s will be (ahem Proctor and Gamble) and I also have an exam tomorrow night for Gargles Swab and I haven’t don’t a shits lick for either of them. Apparently for the exam I am supposed to practice my long division. Pshh child’s play my children. But really when I am meeting important people, like executives from Proctor and Gamble I will probably turn red, sweat profusely, and giggle like a school girl and they’ll probably give me a pity interview because I’m “really nervous and cute” and waste my time by not giving me a job. My body also did me a steady and developed a volcano on my face. “YES YES PROCTOR AND GAMBLE EXECUTIVE I AM HIGHLY QUALIFIED WIH 7 YEARS OF SALES EXPERIENCE AND 3 YEARS OF ACCOUNTING EXPERIENCE.” “What? What’s this on my face? Ughhhhhh, forget it and go fuck yourself.” Yes that’s right, I just told Proctor and Gamble to go fuck themselves. I probably have bigger problems then the volcano that has set up shop on my face.
So, that pretty much sums up the past week of my life without really summing it up at all. Now, I just ate 6 pounds of enchiladas and spicy rice and it’s starting to not be pretty so I need to go lay horizontal for the next 10-12 hours.