We have a crash and burn in the breakup department.

I am down in the fucking dumps today. I don’t just mean down, I mean I am literally sitting in a dumpster just waiting for someone to shit on me. Because I think Matt is dumping me in about twelve hours.

I say “dumping” lightly because we ALL know we still haven’t had the DTR. And fuck, what a rejection—before it even began. Guess who feels like a loser? Ahem, ME. Lucky the loser McFatty.

I guess I need to back things up and explain myself. Last week was good until…Thursday. Matt came to visit me at work, and we went for a walk so I could get out of the office, which was nice. He told me he had a company dinner to go to, but if it was cancelled, he would come over. Later, he told me he still had to go to the dinner, so I said “Okay! Eat lots of yummy free food!” Because that’s certainly what I would do. Duh.

And I get no response. Now, I know you’re already thinking I’m psycho. But up until that point, Matt replies my texts within the hour—if he doesn’t, he sends me a reason, i.e: “Sorry, I fell asleep,” or “Sorry, I was on the phone.” And it’s no big deal. But about four hours passed without anything. But I just went to sleep, thinking it was no big deal.

Fast forward to 2 am, when I wokeup because the apartment next to mine was on fire. Feeling rather safe in my bed, I noticed Matt still never wrote me back, which got me worried. I am a worrier, I get scared that people wreck—because I’ve lost people that way. So I called him. The phone rang, rang, rang, voicemail. I didn’t leave a message, but I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up watching TV, and saw he texted me around 2:45 am, saying his phone died and he fell asleep. Whatever. I was a little pissed, but I tried to put it behind me.

Friday, things weren’t any better. He was ignoring my texts, which makes me really upset. Enter: Lucky’s Baggage. I’ve had two guys “dump” me by simply not returning my calls. One was my first love, who quit returning my calls four years ago and is now married, the other guy gave me mono, then quit returning my calls three years ago and is now married with a kid.

Bastards.

So, although many years have passed, this is baggage that I have battled since then. I try, I really do, not to let it get to me, but it brings out the psycho in me, really bad. Now, Matt hasn’t done anything to make me distrust him, so I was trying to stay calm. But his behavior was so out of the norm. But we had plans for Friday night and he showed up in a good mood, and I was happy to see him.

We headed over to my friends’ house, a place I call the Chicken Coop. I wanted them to meet Matt, so they did, we had some beers and then went to dinner. Of course, they loved Matt. When he left the table for the restroom, they were like, “Lucky!!! He is so nice! He is just great.”

Yeah.

We went home early, as we had a tailgate time of 9am Saturday. When we got home, despite the three goblets of beer I had in my system, I wanted to talk about the little incident. I told him I didn’t want to bring baggage into our relationship, but I was also trying to be as honest as possible. I skated over my exes, and just told him it was something I was working on. He was like, “you don’t need to worry about me,” which I know, and I told him I wasn’t trying to treat him like a baby. The issue was resolved, and we went to sleep.

The next morning, we got ready for the game and met up with Matt’s friends at their usual tailgate spot. It was my first time meeting a whole new bath of guys, so I came equipped with a case of beer, homemade hot wings, and bubbly and OJ for a proper mimosa. The guys loved it, and Matt was grateful. But as the alcohol started flowing, it was clear we were on the road to stupid drunk fighting town.

When it game time for the game to start, we decided to join our friends at a local bar. So we hopped in the car and drove a few blocks. When we stepped out of the car, Matt noticed a massive scratch and dent on the side of his truck. We didn’t know if we hit something, or if something hit us. Matt was really upset, and I understood, but I was honestly too drunk to care.

He later apologized for his attitude, and we headed home. I was way more intoxicated than I realized and was copping an attitude. I felt like he was still mad over something and I didn’t appreciate it. So on the drive home, he was getting angrier at me, saying I was acting like I never wanted to talk to him again. Which made me cry. I was just tired, drunk, and frustrated, but the last thing I wanted was for us never to talk again. He asked if it would be okay if he didn’t sleep at my house, which made me more upset.

We got to my apartment and he started pacing around, and slamming his clothes into his bag, which made me cry more. He told me to quit crying and tell him what was wrong. At that point I didn’t even know what was wrong. So he ran out of my apartment, and I chased after him. I told him I just didn’t want to talk now because we were obviously both upset, but I didn’t want him to go to bed mad. So he said he wasn’t mad and I gave him a hug goodbye. But I went inside, called him, and asked him if he really had to leave. I just wanted to make things better. He said, yes I have to leave. I am tired and it’s been a long day. So I said goodbye and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, I wokeup and noticed Matt left his phone charger, a pair of glasses, and a shirt. He texted me good morning, and I asked him if there was any way I could see him to return his things and apologize. He said yes, that he would stop by that afternoon.

Let me set the record straight here: I am not someone who constantly has to have these “talks” all the god damned time. But the last relationship I was in, was incredibly fucked up, and it forced me to sweep alot of things under the rug, and I’m really trying to be honest here.

So the entire Sunday passes and Matt doesn’t stop by, so naturally I whine to Gizzy all day. Around 4, Matt texts me saying he feels rotten, and wants to stop by in the morning. I tell him I really wanted to see him and make things right between us today, but if he’s too tired then Monday morning would be fine. So he says he’ll see me Monday.

Monday morning, I am just a ball of nerves thinking he’s going to come over and dump my ass. He says he’s caught in traffic and wants to meet somewhere so I’m not late for work. So I head out and meet him in a parking lot. He’s like, “Why are you so upset?” I said, “Because I feel like you’re mad at me, but we were both drunk and it was stupid, and I’m sorry.” He says he isn’t mad at me at all, that he is mad at himself for getting too drunk, acting like an idiot, and damaging his car. I told him not to beat himself up over it too much. He gives me a kiss goodbye, and I think everything is okay.

But ever since then, it’s been awful. He only replies a handful of my texts, doesn’t answer my calls, and has completely quit flirting with me, no more pet names, no more asking me on dates. I feel like he is repulsed by me. My friends were encouraging me to talk to him about it, but I feel like I keep having these “talks” and it’s getting on my nerves. However, I texted him last night saying I missed the Matt that would flirt with me and call me baby, he replied, “I’m sorry baby.” But then ignored my text afterward. I told him I missed him and cared about him, but I feel like he isn’t attracted to me anymore, and I just want to know what’s up. So he said he will call me tonight.

And I just don’t know what to think. I hate waiting around. I understand that he’s upset over getting drunk and crazy, but we all do it and we all make mistakes. Like damn! I am not ready for it to end, but I do need more communication from him—tell me if you need space or if you want me to call you or what, you know? So dear readers, all two of you, I need your advice. Do you think it’s over?

Another one bites the dust.

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33 thoughts on “We have a crash and burn in the breakup department.

  1. natasha says:

    I feel your pain on this – noone likes to be ignored – hopefully he just needed some time to get his thoughts together… I’ll give you the same advice I was given this morning (male drama of my own) – ignore him… Do not text or call or contact him in anyway.. Men always seem to want what they can’t have. Not sure if that will help ya, but hell – it can’t hurt 🙂

  2. natasha says:

    Btw – what does DTR stand for?

  3. Hey girl hey! Thanks for your advice, it DOES help!

    xoxo,

    -L

    ps. DTR is Define The Relationship

  4. Dennis Hong says:

    If I may presume to offer a guy’s perspective:

    I know this sucks, and I know this isn’t going to make you feel better, but, in my not-so-humble opinion, he’s showing all the symptoms of a guy who’s lost interest in the relationship and is trying to pull out on you without going through the difficult breakup conversation.

    Yes, I’m plugging my own blog here, but I wrote an article about this type of male behavior recently. Maybe you’ll be able to find some insight from it:

    How I Get A Girl To Break Up With Me

    Regardless, good luck tonight, though….

  5. justmarriedgirl says:

    Oh, Lucky. You’ve got to stop the crazy train. I feel nervous and anxious for you just sitting here in my office reading your post–that’s how much I can relate to the situation.

    I’m not going to lie, it doesn’t sound good, but it’s not all bad either. The best thing you can do is stop yourself from pursuing him any further. No texts, no calls, nothing. You not only have to be breezy, you have to believe that you are breezy, self-confident, marvy (even though you might be eat a bag of cheetos and cry yourself to sleep).

    He might be losing interest because he feels it’s getting too intense (men scare easily). So, just back off and give yourself perspective. He may come around, but if he doesn’t, you may come to a place where you just don’t care anymore, anyway.

    I had one of these episodes with my current husband when we were dating. The whole bit: the crying, the calling too much, the insecurities. Sure, he noticed, but he was willing to accept my brand of crazy, and as it turned out, I was willing to accept his. (Don’t forget, Matt is not as perfect as he seems right now. He’s got issues, too. He has to.) But the moral of the story is that my husband (then boyfriend) was man enough to stick it out, and you deserve the same. If it’s Matt, great. If it’s not, too bad for Matt, not too bad for Lucky. I know that sounds like a bunch of shit, and I would never have believed it in my single days, but it’s absolutely true.

    Sorry this is so long. I am an expert in the topic.

    xoxo-G

  6. I love this, G! I agree with you, and I’m trying to keep my head up. And just so everyone knows: I am capable of not acting crazy. I never replied to Matt’s “I’ll call you tomorrow” text last night and I’m not going to. If he doesn’t call, then at least I know he just doesn’t care enough about me to fix things.

    Dating is tough! Thanks for reading and writing!

    -L

    • justmarriedgirl says:

      Oh, I know you’re capable of not acting crazy. This kind of situation tends to bring out the worst in us! Dating can be brutal.

      Good luck, and let us know how what happens. I’ll be thinking of you and sending super-power strength good thoughts out into the universe for you!!

  7. Thanks girl! I do have plans to go out with my girlfriends, a little dancing, tonight. So at least I’ll have something to keep my mind off things—and perhaps meet a cute guy!

    -L

  8. Dennis Hong says:

    But the moral of the story is that my husband (then boyfriend) was man enough to stick it out, and you deserve the same.

    I don’t see it so much as finding a guy who’s “man enough” to stick it out, rather than finding a guy who simply likes you enough to stick it out.

    If a guy isn’t into you, the easiest excuse to use is “oh, this is getting too serious,” or “she’s being too needy.”

    Whatever.

    If he really likes you, if he really wants to be with you, then none of these little idiosyncrasies you have will matter. If he doesn’t like you, then these little idiosyncrasies still won’t matter, because the bottom line is, he’s just not that into you.

    Of course, the caveat is that these really are just little idiosyncrasies, and you’re not completely crazy or psycho. But… meh, it doesn’t sound like you are. 🙂

    • justmarriedgirl says:

      You make a good point, and I like how you made it all official with the quotation and everything.

      I guess what I meant to say was that Matt could be handling this better, too. If he really likes you and wants to ride off into the sunset/make ten thousand babies w you, he should just fess up that he’s getting a little weirder out.

      If he isn’t into you, that’s fine (sad, but fine), and he should make a graceful exit.
      That’s a hard thing for most people to do, no matter how mature, so if he just kind of ducks out the back, don’t take it personally. It means he just doesn’t know how to tell you the truth.

      PS: by saying my spouse was man enough, I just meant that he owned up to the fact that my worrying was making him crazy. He was willing to talk it out, that made a huge difference for both of us!

  9. I think Dennis and justmarriedgirl are the best thing to ever happen to us, Lucky. I feel us maturing from girls to women as we speak.

    While Lucky’s relationship’s tend to be more serious and mature than mine I am taking all this advice to heart too and thank you for helping her!

    -Gizzy

  10. It’s 6:07 =, I’m sitting on my bed naked (letting my spray tan dry), drinking a beer and watching Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

    That’s the update for now!

    -L

  11. 36x37 says:

    Lucky, you’re probably not looking for more advice, but before I met my husband, here’s what always worked for me when I was single: When a boy got testy, I backed off. Completely. I spent time with my friends and did things for myself. I’d think about the boy constantly and beat myself and feel horrible about it, but I never let him know that. If he came back, he came back, and from that point, I usually got to call the shots. The key is to keep the upper hand with these guys. Stay strong, sister. 😉

    Maura

    • M,

      I am ALWAYS looking for more advice and I’m so thrilled you stopped by to read and write! I think backing off is totally the way to go, as much as it’s not my style.

      So, let me ask you, did you have to do that when you were dating your hubby?

      -L

  12. Catherine says:

    Hey Lucky,
    I feel bad giving advice now because it seems you probably already talked with him and I’m afraid what I will say won’t make you very happy or will be completely wrong when he comes over and everything is fine. But what I will say is what it seems that he is blowing you off – I’m not sure why exactly, I can’t presume to assume. I think it’s hard when you are someone who is straight forward and wants to have everything out the in the open, so you find yourself having these talks all the time. And while it feels like a good idea to get issues resolved, suddenly you are that dramatic, clingy girl who always wants to talk. It’s a fine line, but what I always tell myself is that the guy that wants to be with me, and the guy that deserves me, will have these talks, not hold it against me, and love me for it anyway. Because it means I care.

    I hope everything works out. Actually, I know everything will work out, no matter which way this goes. Because you are amazing and will find someone who not only appreciates it but shows you.

    Catherine
    http://simplysolo.wordpress.com

    • Aww this is why we ❤ you Catherine! -Gizzy

    • C,

      I wanted to personally reply to you because I love your advice. I called Gizzy right when I got back to my car to see the missed call and she told me you had left me a message—I was pumped!

      You are right, about the right person wanting to talk when things aren’t right, and I just have to remind myself of that. I do like The Has Been Matt McFaggot, but I’m also not around for playing games. I don’t know about you, but WE AINT GETTING YOUNGER HERE! I never called or texted Matt back, I think I’m just going to give him some space, and me too. We will see how this weekend goes.

      Thanks again!

      -L

      • Catherine says:

        No problem, I always appreciate your thoughts too. You are right, not getting any younger here. But you know what? I’m also not getting any less picky. I deserve greatness, and you do too. I think you are doing the right thing to give him some space. I’m realizing lately that space, playing slightly hard to get, being slightly unattainable and unavailable works wonders. I always said I don’t want to play games, but maybe it’s because I didn’t know how? Well, I started some of this behavior on Chef recently (he was taking me for granted, I think) and it worked almost too much. Now he wants to be with me and I don’t know what to do… ugh. So the moral of that story is that games work. Sometimes too much (with some unintended consequences). And then you never know when to stop. Haha. So , I would say keep your distance, if he wants you (and he should), he’ll be back.

        In unrelated news, I just realized Natasha the commenter up above is my sister. LOL. You have stolen my #1 fan and family member! Haha jk 🙂

  13. OK kids, so its 10:43 and I’m talking to Gizzy on the phone, because I totes went out with my gf and got a lil tanked…I left my phone in the car and saw I missed a call from Matt at 8, but no text and no voicemail. So I didn’t text or call back.

    Thanks for the advice…but what do you think I should do next?

    -L

  14. Dennis, you make no sense. Earlier today, you told me I was being played—that Matt just wasn’t into me. Now you say I should call him.

    What. the fuck?

    -L

    • Dennis Hong says:

      Because he did call you. So, it’s okay to call him back.

      For the record, yes, I do still have a sneaking suspicion that you’re being played. But, I’m also looking out for your peace of mind. And I don’t think you’ll have it until you get the conversation that you want….

  15. FUCK my peace of mind. If it’s over, then it’s over, I mean I learned that from Lenny Kravitz. I’m not going to call someone so they can dump me, when they were never even dating me.

    -L

  16. Dennis Hong says:

    Okay, okay. Here’s my official “guy’s assessment,” based on what information I’ve been able to glean from your posts:

    It sounds like Matt was interested in you at some point, but is now losing interest. Hence, the drop-off in his texting you. So, I would guess that he’s trying to pull the slow fade on you. Still, he did call you tonight.

    At the same time, you say that this is really hard for you, and that you like to talk things out. Fair enough. There’s nothing wrong with that.

    So, the way I see it is… if you are a talker, then you need to be with someone who can “handle” that, so to speak. At this point then, I think you might as well call Matt out on his recent scarcity and see how he reacts.

    If this scares the shit out of him… good riddance. It wasn’t meant to be, anyway.

    But, if he actually understands, then maybe it’s not over after all.

    Either way, I think you’re best bet at this point is to get that conversation as soon as possible, so that you know. Believe me, I’ve been in your position, and it sucks not to have that closure.

    So… that’s fine. Call him. Just don’t be drunk while you do, because that might end up super-messy. And be matter-of-fact about it, not emotional:

    “Hey look, if you’re not interested anymore, just say so. Don’t worry, I’ll live. But, the least you can do is give me the respect of telling me, instead of just pulling the fade on me.”

    Again, though, take all this advice from someone you DON’T EVEN KNOW with a serious bag of salt. 🙂

  17. Well, A. I am drunk now. So I’m not calling him, and D. If he is just not that into me, than I’m not calling him.

    A-thank-you-very-much!

    -L

  18. Dennis Hong says:

    …than I’m not calling him.

    And oftentimes, that’s the best way to go. 🙂

  19. […] anyway. Thank you all, again, for the advice on The Has Been Matt McFaggot. After he called me on that Thursday night a few weeks ago, I waited a day and texted him to call […]

  20. […] It was The Has Been Matt McFaggot. […]

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