Ok, ok, before you all start throwing funerals [I’m talking to you Gizzy] for my dear lappy, I just want to say that not all hope is lost. Lappy is still at Dr. Apple, getting plastic surgery. They said it would take 5-7 days, unless I got The Call. You know…the call. I haven’t gotten The Call [knock on wood], so I’m still crossing my fingers that tomorrow or Monday, Lappy will be back in my grubby little paws.
While Gizzy has been off drinking a single Captain on the rocks, I’ve been watching TV. My excuse? No lappy and an illness that could take out China. Seriously, today is the first day I haven’t felt like utter shit [a-thank you Mucinex]. Is it just me, or has anyone stopped mixing drugs after Heath Ledger died? I’m not talking drugs, drugs. I mean I wouldn’t take NyQuil last night because I’d already taken the Mucinex. Anyone??
Ok, anyway. Thank you all, again, for the advice on The Has Been Matt McFaggot. After he called me on that Thursday night a few weeks ago, I waited a day and texted him to call me when he could. But we all know how that goes, he didn’t. But I just left it at that.
Until I went psycho on his ass. On Facebook. Shockingly, we stayed Facebook friends for a little while before I got sick of seeing his stupid shit. Here’s how it all started:
Just in case you can’t see it all that well, McFaggot and I have a mutual friend, Jason. McFaggot wrote on Jason’s wall that he was coming into town for the weekend and Jason wanted to know the plans. So I replied, “Yeah Matt, what are the plans? A weekend full of ignoring Lucky until she takes a hint? Can’t wait!”
Jason, who knew what had been going on, played dumb and let it roll on to see if McFaggot would say anything to me. Which he didn’t, he said, “Jason, I’ll call you.”
So I said, “Wow! Ignoring me on facebook, DAMN!”
Now, I know you all are going to think I’m crazy, but I really don’t give a flying fuck. I’m so sick of guys giving women the fade and us just taking it, because it’s not acceptable behavior. We deserve an explanation, even if it’s something we don’t want to hear. I knew McFaggot would just go back to his friends and say I was psycho just like every other girl…but I wanted everyone to know what he did.
And you know what? It worked. Since the conversation happened on Jason’s wall, McFaggot couldn’t delete it. It’s still there as we speak. A few hours later I get a text message from McFaggot that was about four messages long. I can’t tell you EXACTLY what it said because I deleted the messages [along with his phone number], but basically it said:
“Lucky, I’m not ignoring you on Facebook, I just don’t think it’s the place. The last night we hung out, I got freaked out and didn’t like the direction we were going. I realize if I would have contacted you sooner, I wouldn’t be in this position and I’m sorry for that. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry.”
My friend Anne ran into him a few days later and played dumb. He told her that he didn’t like the “long distance” which is a complete fucking lie. He said he hoped her and him could still be friends and she laughed in his face.
I hope he trips, falls, and his two front teeth shatter. Mmmk. Moving on.
I really wanted to give McFaggot a mental retaliation, so I promptly marched my ass over to Fratty/new guy‘s place (remember him??) and proceeded to have hot, meaningless sex.
I’m not kidding.
Then I called Gizzy right after and we laughed about it all evening. I do what I want, bitch!
And that’s pretty much where I’m at. A few of my friends are already trying to set me up on dates, but I just don’t know if I’m ready for that. I know I won’t get anywhere sitting at home on my ass eating bonbons, but I don’t know how pleasant of a date I would be at this point.
Hence the TV watching. Please tell me you guys have been keeping up with Teen Mom and Jersey Shore…and I can’t forget the brand new season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Hot damn! That show kills me. Favorite moment ever? Nene to Kim on last season’s reunion: “Close ya legs to married men.” Priceless.
A few months ago, I was telling Buttons that I feel guilty about sitting at home watching TV all the time. Like I’m wasting my life away. She said, “Why? If that’s really what you want to be doing, then it’s not a waste.”
And THAT, my dear readers, is a great friend.