You are cordially invited to me and myself’s wedding, at taco bell.

What if I told you I might have a teeny tiny crush on the guy that works at the taco bell drive thru? I’m still trying to figure out if he is 18 (and because of this he is not on the 100 list.)  So if this is the last post you ever get from me you can count on it being because Chris Hansen came to my house and I got arrested for statutory rape or some shit.

So it’s not that the taco bell drive thru guy is so hot that I feel the need to go there every day and get grade e beef tacos, because honestly he’s kind of greasy, he is just really, really nice. I’m sure the feeling will pass but for the time being I have never met a guy so nice.  I pull up to the 2nd drive thru window and he’s all, “Hey I’m really sorry about your wait, how about some free cinnamon twists for your trouble?” I’m not going to pass up free cinnamon twists, you’ve gotta be crazy to do such a thing.  So I take the twists, then he offers me a free soda, ok I’ll take the soda.  I am eating taco bell after all, what’s the extra 400 calories and 55 grams of sugar going to do to me? Actually, it’ll probably give me diabetes, but oh well.

So while I’m sitting there waiting on my fiesta taco salad with no beans (remember kids, beans beans the magical fruit the more you eat the more you TOOOOOT, don’t want none that!) he asks if I’m cold because I had just gotten off work and was dressed like a hooker.  I tell him no I just got off work, like he is expected to know what I do for a semi-living.  Bless his little heart, he asks if I’m a nurse or something.  I tell him that I do liquor promotions and he’s all, ohh so you’re a saleswoman and I giggle and say “tehehe yaa,” THEN, he hands me my bag and says, “Here you go, you have a great night and please drive safely.”  Are those not the nicest things you’ve ever heard?! He was so genuine about it too!! Drive safely! I think most drive thru people would wish me to NOT drive safely after I give them the stink eye for not saying a damned word to me.  Except the guy who runs the McDonalds drive thru cash register, he always tells me to have a “McFabulous day”  I also think he’s gay.  But anyway, this guy was honest to god really sorry that I had to wait on those goons in the kitchen to make my food, even though it was literally like 3 minutes and I’ve waited longer for a glass of ice water before.

Clearly it’s very difficult to impress me, which is why I’m so confused on why more guys don’t give it a shot.  Really, I would be happy if a guy I was dating asked how my day was.  I honestly don’t think it’s ever happened.  Assholes.  ***I’m just going to interrupt myself right here and change the subject because I can already feel that this is starting to get a little too “poor single me.” And I really don’t think anyone wants to see that come out.

Instead I’ll tell everyone about how I took myself on a second date in my car last night.  Second dates are a little more comfortable where we let down our hair and show a couple of our true colors. We relax, you know eat somewhere that might make us look unattractive (see: Cheeburger Cheeburger, big IS better) and watch a movie we’ve already seen.  Last night I took myself to KFC, I splurged, and got the 2 piece chicken meal with 2 sides (mac n cheese and mashed potato, extra starch please!) a biscuit and a large pepsi because it was a second date celebration. I also finished watching When In Rome, and may have pretended Josh Duhamel was on the date with me instead of myself. Instead of sitting up straight in the front seat in that awkward first date fashion I laid down in the backseat, time to get a little more cozy and cuddle up, with myself. I think it’s getting serious, I really like spending time with myself.  We get along so well, there’s no fighting, no debate over what restaurant to go to, what movie to watch, who gets what side of the bed, and most important of all – I would NEVER cheat on myself.  I think I may finally be in the perfect relationship, we’re really happy.  So, hey everyone, save the date!

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9 thoughts on “You are cordially invited to me and myself’s wedding, at taco bell.

  1. Why don’t you just give taco bell boy a slip of paper with and address that says, “Cum see me when you get off?” We’re all adults here.

  2. Why not ask? (p.s. also refer to my previous comments regarding how awful twenty-somethings are in bed)

  3. Catherine says:

    I think it’s great you have so much fun by yourself. But strangely, I have an urge to see you go on a real blind date and write about it. Any way you can work on that for me? Living vicariously through you here. Either that, or hook up with Taco Bell guy. Thanks for your consideration. xoxo 🙂

    • Haha I think I’d like to see that too! I’ve only been on 1 blind date and it was in high school, my aunt set us up and we met at Applebees and then when i accidently said “Heck” or would uncross my legs he would pull out his rosary and start saying prayers. No joke. But I’ll try and find someone to go on a date with so there’s some real action to read about 🙂
      -G

      • Catherine says:

        LOL. Now that’s a funny story. I do love a good blind date though, can’t lie. So much potential for drama and uncertainty. And pure failure. Gotta love it.
        Oh, and maybe you’ll hit it off? LOL. I am seriously in a dark place lately. Very negative. Sort of loving it though. 🙂

  4. I think you should check on the Taco Bell guy’s age. Maybe he’s legal and rich and just working at Taco Bell because he loves salsa.

    That “McFabulous day” thing cracked me up.

  5. Catherine- I’m going to find a blind date to go on just for you! Since my friend never called me about the guy I was supposed to meet last weekend. All for you! haha

    Thoughts Appear- I like the way you think, I might have to do some private investigating/stalking to figure out more before I engage in “the talk” with the taco bell guy. My cousins are in high school so I think I’ll ask them first if they know the really nice guy who works at taco bell and see what they come up with.

    -Gizzy

  6. I think you should flirt with TB guy, and be like can I take your picture? Pretty pleeeeaase?

    For the blog!!!!

    -L

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