Oprah, one of my least favorite things.

I hate Oprah.

There. Now that I’ve single-handedly lost 75% of our readership, I’ll continue. That’s right, I hate Oprah. And you know what else I hate? When people tell me I don’t or I shouldn’t hate something. Guess what, asshole? I can and I will HATE everything and everyone that I damn well please, okay? Go ahead and hate me for it and see if I give I flying fuck.

See how much Oprah gets me worked?

For the most part, I’ve always hated Oprah. I don’t think she’s done much more than most celebrities have for society or the general well-being of this earth, so I don’t get why everyone makes such a big stink about it.

I hate that she calls herself a journalist, when she isn’t. That recent college grad in her office eating dried nuts for lunch and pulling all-nighters to get sources for stories? She’s a journalist. Oprah reads the notes and tells the story. She doesn’t do the grunt work.

I hate it when Oprah, along with most celebrities, remind us just how ridiculously lavish their lives are. I don’t need to be reminded that you live in a mansion, do no actual work, and have a staff to sit on the toilet for you.

On my nice comp day Monday, I caught the end of Oprah’s Ultimate Favorite Things episode, which is what brought my rage to fruition…before I took it out on Gizzy. But hey, let’s take a look at Oprah’s Favorite Things, shall we? Because we all know every stay-at-home mom in this country already has them all shoved up her ass, since no one can think for themselves and discover their own favorite things:

  • Andre Walker Hair Care products [$65]
  • iPad by Apple [$500]
  • Sparkles UGG boots [$175]
  • Sophia Satchel by Coach [$398]
  • Magaschoni Embellished Tunic & Leggings [$560]
  • Philosophy Hope in a Jar [$105]
  • Nordstrom Lingerie [$1,000]
  • Prepara Herb Saver [$30]
  • Centerville Chicken Pie [$20]
  • Garrett’s Popcorn [$135)
  • Le Creuset Cookware [$599]
  • Miraclebody Jeans by Miraclesuit [$110]
  • Sophie Jewelry Box from Pottery Barn [$179]
  • Jessica Leigh Diamond Earrings [$1,900]
  • Mini Croissants from Williams-Sonoma [$40]
  • Talbot Teas [$150]
  • The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo [$19]
  • Illuminations by Josh Groban [$13]
  • Let it be Me by Johnny Mathis [$12]
  • 2010 VW Beetle [$First Born Child]
  • Baker’s Edge Baking Pans [$35]
  • Beecher’s Mac ‘N Cheese [$30]
  • Breville Panini Press [$100]
  • Cashmere sweater & throw by Ralph Lauren [$1,100]
  • Decoded by Jay-Z [$35]
  • Elfa Closet System [$1,000]
  • 5-year Netflix Membership [$600]
  • Judith Ripka Eclipse Earrings [$525]
  • Kyocera Ceramic Cutlery [$75]
  • Philip Stein Oprah Watch [$2,500]
  • Lafco House and Home Candle [$55]
  • Lululemon Pants [$98]
  • Nike Free Run Shoes [$85]
  • Nikon Digital Camera [$700]
  • Royal Caribbean Allure of the Seas 7-Day Cruise [$ Second Born Child]
  • Season 25 Oprah Shirt [$38]
  • Sony Bravia HDTV with 3-D [$3,600]
  • The Beginning by the Black Eyed Peas [$18]
  • Tory Tote, Ballerina Flats by Tory Burch [$450]
  • A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson [$25]

Grand total: $42,364 [I added $25,000 for the car, and $1000 for the cruise]

Hey Oprah, how many moms do you know that would be able to spend that kind of cash on diamond earrings, ballet flats and cheese popcorn? And yeah, I’m not a fucktard, I know Oprah gave all of that shit away for free 100 times over.

But let’s get real. Oprah knows she can sell everything that comes out of her mouth, so why is she telling America to get over-priced Mac ‘n Cheese, sweat pants and panini presses? Sort of like when she gave out those free lunches at KFC. Why not promote something a little healthier? Oprah should’ve put salad kits, ex-lax, and toothpaste on her list of favorites.

On the other hand, we all know Oprah doesn’t work out. So why is she trying to trick us all by saying she JUST LOVVVVEESSSSS NIKE SSHOOOOEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And what about the WEIGHT. LOSS. BOOOOOOKKKK!!!!!!! She can’t read anyway.

Oprah, you’re fat. Which I don’t understand because she has a personal chef and probably a personal trainer that probably make eight times as much as me to shove mini croissants down her throat and tell her she is AWE-SUM!!!!!!!!!!!

And really, Oprah? Of course, YOU would promote an Oprah watch, an Oprah t-shirt, and then go write a column for your magazine that has your own fucking picture on the cover every month! Seriously!!

The cutlery, the herb-saver, the tv. I just don’t get it. You don’t chop your own food Oprah. You don’t save your own herbs. And you don’t watch TV. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK FUCK!?!??!?!

I need to go punch someone in the face.

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10 thoughts on “Oprah, one of my least favorite things.

  1. Goody says:

    lol well i’m a new reader to ya’lls blog as of yesterday. and i cannot STAND oprah and everything she represents, so you haven’t lost me as a reader. i never watch her show because i think she’s full of poo. a couple of weeks ago i was at my car dealership getting something fixed and they happened to have her show on. so i had no choice to watch it..grrr. she and her bff, whatever her name is, had went on a “camping trip”. what a joke. they had to call oprah’s man-toy to figure out how to get the camper put up. they have no friggin clue what a camping trip really is! good gawd, that entire episode was ridiculous. it was like watchin a bad train wreck! she makes me ill. and here i was thinkin i was the only person in this country that detests her! i’m glad i’m not alone!!

  2. Al K Hall says:

    i think you said it best when you said:

    “WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK FUCK!?!??!?!”

    Thanks for the smile.

  3. Catherine says:

    LOL. Tell us how you really feel! You aren’t gonna lose me as a reader, cause I see your point… but… I fucking LOVE Oprah. Sorry. Don’t kill me.
    I can’t quite pin point it, but I’ve always loved Oprah. As a PR person, I even love her Favorite Things because they are so extravagant (and it’s so fun to get a client’s product in there – you have to pitch them). I also love her interviews, I do find that she is talented and gets something out of people. And, I also can’t describe how many of her shows have personally affected me. I’m sorry, but they really have struck a chord with me. While I think she’s a little over-the-top, I appreciate the role she’s served for women everywhere and I do think she’s opened some new perspectives for people (not just products, but education about texting and driving, her own struggle with her weight is a really identifiable thing for woman to see – if you are a woman that struggles with your weight, it’s relieving to know that even Oprah has troubles too, among so many other topics that she’s brought to women that wouldn’t have thought of them otherwise – domestic violence, etc.).

    Anyway, all that’s to say – I love Oprah. Some of her characteristics annoy the crap out of me, she seems like a caricature of herself sometimes, but I love the overall package.

    • Wow, now I know what gets you talking 😉 You proved my point entirely that even Oprah doesn’t like her “favorite” things, it’s just one big PR stunt, because even Oprah doesn’t live her own life—everyone else does it for her.

      Sure, she’s had some good interviews, but I don’t think they are any better than any other talk show; Chelsea Handler, Conan O’Brien, Ellen, Anderson Cooper, Larry King, etc.

      The weight thing pisses me off. Anyone who eats 6 pounds of cheese popcorn, mini croissants, and mac ‘n cheese is going to struggle with weight problems. She’s got a personal chef for Christ’s sake, you’d think he could whip up something healthy for the Queen of Daytime TV.

      But still, I won’t kill you for loving Oprah!

      -L

  4. caroline says:

    i cant stand her either. i think shes over rated and thought it was super annoying when she shut down michigan avenue for her premier. i also heard she isnt very nice when the cameras are off. i dont like fake people. the only thing i like is the book club and i have to wonder if she even reads the books selected.

  5. caroline says:

    i cant stand her either. i think shes over rated and thought it was super annoying when she shut down michigan avenue for her premier. the only thing i like is the book club and i have to wonder if she even reads the books selected. oh, and as for the pr aspect, its brilliant. she even convinced my dad that the book, hes just not that into you, is a must read. everytime a relationship fails my dad calls and tells me i should read that damned book. thanks oprah.

  6. LKD says:

    I don’t like Oprah much either, anymore. Seems it’s all about the money now.

    Lorna

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