How to survive the holidays…alone.

For months, I’ve been dreading the holiday season. Most of the time, I love the holidays! The food, the drinks, the lights, the shopping, and even Christmas music—I love it all. But as I’ve grown into a boring, 80-year-old loser of a human being, the holidays bring on a sense of dread. No, I don’t have a boyfriend, a husband, and I’m nowhere near either. Because of that, it seems like I’m missing out on the special happiness of the season. But you know what? I refuse to let that bring me down this year, dammit! And by God, I won’t let that happen to my dear (deer) readers, either! So Merry Fucking Christmas, everyone:

Drinking. Obviously I can’t make a list on how to survive anything without mentioning drinking. But, the holidays are PRIME TIME for drinking. There’s eggnog and winter white martinis and spiced apple cider! Get you some!

When I was in college, a sorority sister (fun fact: I’m Greek) bought me a set of peppermint shot glasses. And I’ve bought myself a set every year since. You can take shots out of them (I like putting anything Bailey’s based, or even just vodka), lick ’em, and eat them at the end of the night. Here’s some I found online.

On that same page, there is the Cool Shooters Ice Shot Glass Maker—literally an ice tray that makes shot glasses. Umm, hello genius! It would be great to freeze any virgin drink mix in there, then shoot the alcohol and eat the glass afterward! Yum!

Marie Claire has created an amazing slide show of  holiday drink recipes here. Personally, The Ninth Night (citrus vodka, triple sec, white cranberry juice, soda, lime), The Flirtini (Grey Goose L’Orange, pineapple juice, champagne), and The Pama Kiss (pomegranate liquor, sour apple vodka, cranberry juice) and many others, sound pretty effing awesome.

How’a about having yourself a merry little Christmas movie marathon?? I say hells yeah. Here are some ideas of holiday flicks that DON’T revolve around being a couple:

Bad Santa, Ernest Saves Christmas, A Christmas Story, Deck the Halls, Elf, Home Alone (a personal favorite all year ’round), Fred Claus, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, I’ll Be Home for Christmas (okay this one is a little lovey-dovey, but who doesn’t love a lil JTT for the holiday??), and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

I know you all think I can’t read, but you’re mistaken. And the cold months give me a great excuse to curl up on my couch with a trashy novel and ignore the cruel world outside. For my fellow book worms, a holiday reading guide:

Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris. Okay, I will say, I don’t like novels by Sedaris, but this book is fucking hilarious. It;s a collection of short holiday stories, including one of those cheesy Christmas card letters gone wrong, and Sedaris’ adventures working as a Santa elf.

You Better Not Cry by Augusten Burroughs.

With hilarious, heart-warming, and emotional Yule-tide tales, Burroughs revisits his childhood Christmases that seemed to bring out the best and worst in his family and friends.

Once Upon a Holiday by Beverly Jenkins, Adrianne Byrd, Kimberly Kaye Terry. Umm, I haven’t read this, but check out the description:

No matter what the thermostat says, the holidays can be the hottest time of year when you’re curled up with these unforgettably sexy stories from three of romance’s most sizzling talents….

Holiday Heat by Beverly Jenkins

For Eve Clark, winter usually means long cold nights spent alone, until she’s persuaded to attend a masked ball. Abandoning her inhibitions, she shares a blissful tryst with a mysterious partner. Though she runs from their hotel room the next morning, Leyton Palmer is determined to track Eve down and show her that the night neither can forget was only the start of something sensational….

Candy Christmas by Adrianne Byrd

Peace on earth and goodwill to all men? Not if the man in question is drop-dead-sexy Montel Starks, Candy Lahane’s competitor since he started at their ad agency a year ago. But on a business trip to Europe, rivalry gives way to a red-hot, explosive affair that makes Candy realize that what she really wants for Christmas is right in front of her, just waiting to be unwrapped….

Chocolate Truffles by Kimberly Kaye Terry

It started as an innocent drink with a stranger to celebrate her promotion. It turned into the most erotic night of Camille Jackson’s life. But the man she was sure she’d never see again is now her instructor in a two-week managerial workshop, and Gideon Taber is making it clear that he’d love to relive every delicious detail of their encounter, again and again….

Wait ’till you see the cover:

The shopping. Use the money you would spend on a boyfriend, fiance, loser, whatever, ON YOURSELF! I can’t tell you how many purchases I’ve made for myself this year and just used the, “well-I-deserve-a-gift” excuse. But really, we do deserve to treat ourselves! And frankly, buying something cool for yourself is way better than hoping someone will get it for you.
The food. Since I’m alone for now, I’m really not concerned with putting on a few extra pounds if that means I get to eat whatever the hell I want. Food & Wine put together an extensive list of recipes for holiday eating…it looks delish. The “party dips” section is a personal favorite. eating chips and dip for dinner is one of my favorite parts of being single and I will say that the Sloppy Joe Dip, Caramelized Onion Dip, and the pico de gallo rank among my favorites.
Alright, so we’ve got drinking, a movie marathon, steamy Santa reads, shopping sprees and a feast. Sounds about right! If you have anything to add to my Don’t-kill-yourself-for-Christmas guide, please share! After all, it’s a Merry effin’ Christmas!
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7 thoughts on “How to survive the holidays…alone.

  1. What is a winter white martini? Sounds good.

    David Sedaris is one funny guy!

    • Well, if you Google it, there are many different recipes. I’ve had one at BoneFish Grill and also at Rock Bottom:

      Winter White Martini:
      Sip into the season with the perfect combination of chocolate and peppermint. ABSOLUT Vodka, Monin Peppermint Syrup and Monin White Chocolate Sauce create a decadent dessert in a glass!



  2. OM to the G. Peppermint. Shot. Glasses. Hello Christmas! You’re looking lovely this year! 😉 Going to purchase some right now.

    The ice shot glasses – I have. Bianca and I found them in Australia over Christmas 2008. INCREDIBLE! I love the idea of freezing a chaser in there. Brilliant!

    Just finished up the first semester of grad school (thank little baby almost born Jesus) and I’m finally ready to read something I’ll actually enjoy. Thanks for the suggestions!

    Merry merry and all that shit,
    Bridget and The Girls with Prius Envy

  3. Caatherine says:

    Love this… Re: taking the money you would have spent on your significant other and spending it on yourself, I say hell yeah! I’m totally in. We’ll survive this season…. Less than a month left!

  4. thedrunxter says:

    yes! i’m planning on getting destroyed enough that i can stomach family time. screw mixed drinks, i’m having it straight 😉

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