Well here it is, Saturday evening, just 2 hours after Ella and I ventured out for our annual day of Christmas shopping when we buy presents for our mom and stepdad. As Ella has gotten older the Christmas shopping for others has become a wee bit more difficult.
For example, when she was 3 I took her to one of those pottery painting places, she swirled her hands around in some paint, slapped them on a mug, and FIN! Last year was when we started having some troubles. We went into hallmark and they have these live frogs shoved in little tupperware containers with some rocks, a piece of celery and all that shit. So Ella sees these frogs and decides she has to have one. Me being a spokesperson for tough love, I had to tell her no. Because what was I going to do? Buy these two frogs that were going to die in a day and be left with a $25 piece of tupperware? I don’t think so. Plus you have to buy all the food and the stand for the tupperware and all this add on shit. It’s just ridiculous. So we had a go around with that, I got her out of the store and we went along our merry little way.
In the last year Ella has become WAY more demanding. She’s a bossy little brat these days. Remember that song, I’m Bossy by Kelis? Oh you forgot about it? Allow me to refresh your memory, along with a SIMS music video:
Anyway, that song is totally Ella’s song. I realize kids will be kids, but I am also fully aware that my mother is trying to correct all of the mistakes she made on me with Ella. IE: overwhelming her with toys and affection and being very hands on. I was pretty much raised by the tv because my mom was a single mother working two jobs to support us. I know, such a sob story right?
So this year, I take Ella out for our annual shopping extravaganza, I made the mistake of going into hallmark and going through the whole frog ordeal again. But then we went to Barnes and Noble, I thought I was in the clear with this store. Nope. They have all the Bubby books you could ever dream of right when you walk in. I’m seriously going to start writing letters to these stores, like can you please put the fucking kids shit in the corner? I don’t have time to deal with tantrums and I can’t afford to spend $800 on all the Justin Bieber meaningless shit you carry. Gizzy- 0 Barnes and Noble/Ella-1. No, I didn’t get the Justin Beiber book. But they will have my business later this Christmas season.
Here I am in the cooking section looking for a good, “How to Brew Beer for Dummies,” book for my dad when Ella picks up this blasted cat book. Cats. Fucking cats, I swear to god. So she’s flipping through the cat book showing me the pictures, cats sitting on a laptop, cats peaking out of boxes, cats stuck in the toilet, cats, cats, and more cats. You know what, I’m allergic to cats. So chomp on them apples. That’s not right? Suck on them cherry’s? I don’t know, you get the gist though, IRONY.
B&N was a no show on the beer brewing book so I was all lets go Ella, on to the next one, when she fills me in on the little secret that she wants me to buy her the cat book. Of course she does. A kid who has everything, needs a cat book to add to her collection. I thought about it since earlier I had told her if she kept her trap shut I would get her the Justin Bieber silly band book for $4.99 but this fucking cat book was $12. UH, NO! Not when I just spend $190 on American Girl shit for her Christmas present the other day. Try again. So I’m all, “No the cat book is $12, it doesn’t even have words, you’ll look at it one time and toss it to the side like yesterdays news.” Then here come the water works, “But Sissy I want it.” I told her I would get her the JB book but that wasn’t good enough. So she got nothing. I walked out of the store waving for her to follow and she walked out of the store with the book. Now we’ve got a criminal on our hands. I shoved her back in the store and had to explain stealing to a crying 6 year old.
Then, I had to rip the fucking cat book from her cold little hands and place it on the shelf and be like, “LETS GO!!!!!! WE’RE GOING HOME!!!!!!” Like all of those mean mommy’s you see in the department stores with unruly snot nosed children. Since we had been at the mall all of 30 minutes and had 0 presents I decided that since Ella has an attention span slightly longer than a goldfish she would probably forget about it by the time we got to the next store and that maybe the day wasn’t a lost cause just yet. Wrong. We went through 3 more stores and I was still listening to, “But Sissy *sniff*sniff* I want it reaaaalllllyyy baaaaad.” I had to stand my ground and keep saying no because if there’s one thing that I hate more than a cheater it’s a bratty kid who is ungrateful for all of the meaningless shit they have at home. Honestly, if she were my kid I would’ve gone home and thrown all of her toys in trash bags and told her I was taking them to the orphans. Obviously, I wouldn’t but I would let her think I did for a week or two and I bet she wouldn’t act up again.
But she’s not my kid so I just brought her home and explained on the car ride that we weren’t shopping for her today and she needed to learn how to be selfless and buy nice things for other people and not think about what she wants. She didn’t get it, then she decided that OK she would take the Justin Bieber book. Uhhh, no. Then I got the explanation that right now would’ve been a really good time for me to buy her that book because Christmas is coming and she’ll get all kinds of new toys but right now she doesn’t have anything new to play with. Come on. I mean she’s a good little manipulator, but I know those tricks.
We got home and Ella threw her coat on the ground, ripped off her boots, and bolted up the stairs. Stepdad asked what was wrong with her and I said oh we had to come home early because she threw a tantrum over a cat book. Later I heard him come up and talk to her asking if the cat book was really worth ruining her day out shopping with me after I had put a little make up on her, curled her hair, picked her out a nice tu-tu emo outfit, AND took her to McDonalds for lunch? I’m pretty sure she said yes the cat book was worth it. But she still came and apologized after he talked to her and gave me a hug. I had to laugh about it because how full house/90’s sitcom was that sisterly fight? All ending with a hug and apology.