If The Crown Fits…



Starring: Dr. Tao (Dentist), Holly (Dental Asst.), Sara (Dental Asst.), and Lucky “Good Ass” Gold (Dental Patient)

Scene: Lucky laying in dentist chair, thumbing through a pink iPod of Dr. Tao’s. She is laying under a fuzzy blanket trying to hide from impending drills as she is about to have a cavity filled and a crown fitted. Assistants Holly and Sara prep for Dr. Tao’s arrival.

Sara: What material are we using for the crown?

Holly: I dunno. Want me to call Dr. Tao?? I should call him, right?? Let me call him.

Sara: Ok Lucky!! Time to apply the topical (applying shitastic bubblegum numbing gel via q-tip).

Lucky fist pumps at the site of three John Mayer albums on the pink iPod.

Holly: Lucky!! I’m so glad to see you back here! You my sister from another mother! Guess what girl? We get Friday OFF!!! Dr. Tao is leaving to teach a class, so we don’t have to work! Yay!

Lucky: Sweet.

<<Dr. Tao enters>>

Dr. Tao: Hey Lucky! Time to numb you up (inserts needle no. 1). Gonna feel a little pinch.

Hey did someone book my flight?

Holly: I did!!!! I did, Dr. Tao.

Dr. Tao: Aaaaand my hotel?

Sara: yes, we booked it.

Dr. Tao: I hate flying across the country, especially if you go west. You lose so much time in-flight. You know?

Holly: You hate flying Southwest?? Southwest Airlines?

<<Lucky laughs>>

Sara: No, like flying west. The direction. Because of the time zones.

Holly: Oh, oh, oh. Right!!!!

<<Dr. Tao jams needle no. 2 into Lucky’s jaw.>>

Dr. Tao: Lucky can you hear me?

<<Lucky nodding.>>

Dr. Tao: Okay, is your tongue starting to numb up?

Lucky: yes.

Dr. Tao: Okay we’ll start in just two more minutes. Once I start you can crank your music up and it will just be a lot of water and vibration.

Lucky thinks—”that’s what she said.”

Dr. Tao: If you’re uncomfortable at any time, just raise your left hand and we’ll stop the procedure.

Lucky turns up the sweet, sweet vocals of her one and only, John Mayer. In the meantime, Dr. Tao is on one side with the drill, while Sara is on the other, with the water hose and the vaccuum.

…an hour later…

Dr. Tao: I’m ready to build the tooth up, will you have the bite strip ready for me, Holly?

Holly: Yes, yes, Dr. Tao! I’m ready.

Dr. Tao: Ok, I’m pumping…I’m pumping…I’m pumping…I’m rrreeeaaddddyyy…

Lucky thinks, “wow, that’s REALLY what he said. And when was the last time I got laid?”

Holly: okay…(still fiddling with the bite strip and tweezers).

Dr. Tao: Okay Speedy Gonzales.

Sara and Dr. Tao glance around the room.

Holly: Here it is!

Dr. Tao: Okay Lucky go ahead and bite down…okay bite down…I know you’re numb…bite down hard.

Dr. Tao leaves the room, Sara and Holly finish the crown.

Holly: Sara!! Are you going to come to the dinner party next week? It’s at 7:30!

Sara: ehhh…I don’t know Holly…with all the….stuff…going on, I haven’t been feeling too sociable lately…I’m sorry.

Holly: Oh no, you don’t have to ‘splain it to me girl. I just figured you’d want to go, you know since Dr. Tao will be there and all…


Will Sara go to the dinner party and intrude on a budding romance between Holly and Dr. Tao? Or will Dr. Tao find true love on his coast-to-coast flight and leave his two assistants in the cold dental office?

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2 thoughts on “If The Crown Fits…

  1. Conversations at the dentist always crack me up. Just because I’m can’t talk doesn’t mean I can’t listen.

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