Oh by the way, I’m married.

From today forward Tuesdays are going to be known as Shit on Gizzy Day.  Does everyone remember Little Mikey (name courtesy of Bridget over at Girls With Prius Envy, thanks Bridget!) the guy I met at the copy machine at work? Things have slowly progressed, I would venture to call us friends with a mild flirtation at this point.  We talk almost daily and make eyes at each other when I walk past his office.  At least that’s what I thought was going on.  Normally I am not one to mix up signals, but like with many other things my ripe old age of 26 is wearing on me.

The signal mixing happened yesterday afternoon after my boss’s boss emailed everyone in our department (Little Mikey is in another department so he didn’t get the email) saying that the company had purchased club seats to several of our local baseball team’s games this week if anyone was interested.  I emailed back that I wanted 2 and was given tickets for the Saturday game.  Jaaaaackkkpoooot.  When I asked for the tickets it was mainly because I knew I’d never have the opportunity to sit in club seats again, and then I remembered Little Mikey is a huge fan of the team, and this was my in.

I scoured my desk for something I needed Little Mikey’s assistance on and ran into his office.  We had our work chat and then I told him about the tickets, he was immediately green with envy and I thought, “This is it! He’s going to say he wants to come and I can invite him and we’ll fall in love!” Well Little Mikey never asked to come so I just strutted away thinking I’d come back later and give it a second shot.

Not 30 seconds after I had been back at my desk Little Mikey walked up and started the conversation back up.  We talked for a few minutes about how awesome it was that I got these tickets because he’s been with the company 2 years and hasn’t ever gotten tickets like this.  Then he dropped the bomb up that when he first started with the company he had a broken arm and everyone joked that his wife beat him.  Hold the bus.

YOUR WIFE???????!!!!!!!!!!!

Ummmmm, yeah.  Little Mikey is married.  I’m sure he must’ve seen the disappointment in my face because the conversation stopped right there when I flipped my chair around and went right back to work.  I mean, how do I come back from that? Oh! You have a wife? Great! Let’s do dinner and I’ll bring my child molester roommate as my date.

*Story intermission*

I don’t think I’ve told everyone about how Anth is dating a 20 year old.  I mean a 6 year difference is NBD later in life.  But she can’t legally drink alcohol and they have already had a pregnancy scare.  We don’t refer to her by her name, only as the 20 year old.   That’s really all you need to know, but more to come on this at a later date…

*End intermission*

The tragedy of hearing Little Mikey is married pretty much ruined my whole day.  Honest to god he is the only decent looking man I’ve seen in the past 3 months between the hours of 9am and 5pm and I don’t know what I’m going to do now.  For the sake of my sanity lets do a little analysis and see if my desperation got the best of me or if Little Mikey really was sending out signals that he is single and ready to mingle:

#1 Offering to help me find an apt 2 seconds after meeting me.

#2 The flirting/making eyes.  Ie: making fun of my lunchbox because it’s pink and has a giant owl on it that says, “Whooo recycles? I do!”

#3 He doesn’t wear a wedding ring.

#4 He has never mentioned a woman and/or family or that he communicates with women outside of work.  I was starting to think he’s gay.

#5 He doesn’t have pictures of him and his wife in his office.

#6 His wife’s relationship status on facebook is “No longer listed as married.” Yeah, I’m creepy, I looked but I can’t see his.

#7 His wife never comes to visit/go out to lunch with him.

Clues I should’ve picked up on indicating he’s married:

#1 He’s always gone by dinner time.

#2 He drives a large “family oriented” SUV.

#3 His shirts and pants are always neatly pressed.

#4 He smells nice.

#5 He tells stories about his “buddies” and then later in the story reveals that said buddies are actually 70 year old men.

I guess from here on out I should assume that every man I meet is either married or taken, life just can’t be simple enough to cut me a break and place a hot successful single man right in my lap now can it?

There are certain clues pointing to the fact that Little Mikey could be divorced but come on, that’s just plain unattractive.  He’s only 32.  No offense to anyone who has been divorced – but I’m not into baggage.

So that’s that and I’m back to square 1 and work just got boring again.  I was totally looking forward to things progressing over the years and getting involved in some hot make out seshes in the storage closet and all that sexual tension in meetings.  Ahhh… a girl can dream I guess.

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11 thoughts on “Oh by the way, I’m married.

  1. kayisacute1 says:

    Aww my poor dear Gizzy, you gave up tooo early. Did he actually say he had a wife or did he say everyone said “his wife beat him up?” There could be no wife at all and ppl assumed there was one. Or they could be separated and not completely divorced, he could be a widow because his wife was eaten by a bear. And just because he is divorced doesn’t mean there’s baggaged. They could be divorced because she a tool, a whore or they were too young to marry in the first place. No I’m baggage, I was divorced by the ripe old age of 24 with 2 kids, so I know baggage when I see it… and that ain’t it. Besides what do you care what his marital status is as long as it reads a form of single (divorced – widowed) are you looking to marry him? So date the fucker and have a ball, lmao.

  2. mairedubhtx says:

    Loved this story. Sorry for you that he’s married. He certainly sent mixed signals. That’s not kosher. Too bad. Someday your prince will come.

  3. I need to see a picture of this lunchbox!


  4. Melissa says:

    It could be worse. Here in Vancouver, you have to assume that every flirty-and-seemingly-interested man is actually just gay until proven otherwise by his eventual mention of said wife or 20-year-old girlfriend.

  5. Kim says:

    Dig deeper… I’m sure there’s a way to get it out of him without coming straight out with “are you married” We want follow up on this!!! lol

  6. Totally didn’t see that coming! Stupid nonring wearers.

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