You really need to talk to Bob.

Does anyone else notice Tuesday nights generally suck in the world of TV? I swear there is nothing on that peaks my interest, well, ok, My Life as Liz, but that doesn’t come on until 10 pm and let’s face facts—I’m off dreaming about naked men by that point.

Anyway, this is why I’m pumped about NEXT Tuesday night: the premiere of The Voice.

I know you HAVE to have seen the commercials for this show because they are advertising the hell out of it—it’s the only reason I’m tuning in and talking about it a solid week prior.

First thing is first, I’m not a fan of American Idol. What pisses me off about American Idol is that no one who has ever come off that show was really what I would consider an American Idol. Maaaaybe Kelly Clarkson, but where is she now? Probably scarfing down swiss rolls and dying her hair black.

The show should be called “People who Watch” Idol. Because I don’t watch it, so I don’t vote, therefore whoever wins isn’t my idol.

But The Voice, THE Voice! It’s got XTina (read: the drunk) and some dude from Maroon 5 (has been) and CeeLow (token black dude) and a country singer (funny twang). And it’s not about looks! So that makes it legit, right?

If it really wasn’t about looks, it would be a radio show, but that’s just my opinion. I’m going to watch it anyway, and probably get obsessed with searching for signs that XTina is wasted.

Another show I’m getting into is E!’s, The Dance Scene. I’m mildly obsessed with Laurieann Gibson (loved her in Making the Band), and the fact that her studio, Boom Kack, is named after the fact that instead of using 8-counts, she does this, “And-a-Boom-Kack-Kack!!!!!”

Simply genius.

Back in my working world, I had an awkward moment with Shyneesha the other morning. We were lucky enough to be invited to a free breakfast, hosted by our CEO. It’s an annual “appreciation” meal. I was scrambling over to the other building to get my fair share of free eggs and sausage, when Shyneesha caught up with me.

“I’ve been drinking this Asian tea in the mornings,” she said.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, it help keeps you regular,” she said.

“Oh umm…hrmm…”

“Yeah I think I was impacted. But this Asian tea makes me feel a lot better,” she went on.

Ummmm…I’m all about being free and open and stuff, but my poop schedule is something I discuss with no one. Okay, sometimes I tell Buttons, but for the most part, that’s between me and the toilet.

Anyway, she really ruined my appetite for those free eggs.

On the magazine front, our usual photographer went on vacation. Which yeah, everyone deserves a break every now and then. Before he left, he sent us all an e-mail with the contact information for two fill-in photographers. Fair enough.

I had just gotten out of an interview for an article I’m working on about these luxury condos in our city. Needless to say, I needed photos. So I send this email to the two fill-ins:

Hey guys,

First, my sincere apologies for not getting to you sooner. This is an assignment I’ve been trying to land for awhile and didn’t know if the interview would go through.
However, this is a story for the housing guide (deadline this upcoming week), and it’s a feature on the Condos at the Lake (across from the Beach).
I need photos of the outside/buildings, and the inside of the condos and the rooftop pool, possibly the courtyard(s), too.
Contact is Bob:
Office: XXX-XXX-XXXX
e-mail: bob@realtors.com
I’ve already asked our permission to get photos from Bob, so he will be expecting your call. His office/the sales office is on the second floor of the front building right when you drive in, that’s also where the pool is and the model unit he will probably show you.
Inside the unit and the “club house” I think photos of the features, appliances, the view from the balcony, etc…would be good. Any shots you think would be impressive to readers.
Please let me know if you have any questions.
Thanks!
Lucky
Magazine
XXX-XXX-XXXX
Pretty self-explanatory, right? Well of course, nothing comes easy with me. I see a few e-mails go back and forth between the guys, deciding who is better at interior photos.
Then, Thing #1 calls me and is all, “Sooooo…when do you want to do this????”
Ummm do what? Last time I checked, it’s not necessary for me to be present for a photo shoot. Now, most of the time, I will make an effort to be there, just to make sure the photographer is following the lines of the story. However, I always trust a person to do their job. I would never ask a photographer to sit there while I wrote an article.
Anyway, this was a photo of a building. Nothing too crazy here.
“Did you talk to Bob?” I asked.
“Hrmm no. Are we doing exteriors?”
“Yes. You really need to talk to Bob,” I said.
“It’s nice out now, can you meet now?”
“Have you talked to Bob? He is the one who has to let you inside the building.”
What the fuck? He eventually talked to Bob, and I said, okay, I’m trusting you can do this alone. His response? “Okay, let me know if you need specific shots.”
Umm ok fucking retard. Refer to the GD email!!!!!
Now I know why the magazine loves me so much.
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