Blackmail is my friend

Something happened this past weekend that really disturbed me.  Anth brought home ANOTHER girl.  

Not just any girl, one of our friend’s little sisters.  It took a lot of teeth pulling to get him to admit it to me, even though I already had my suspicions because I knew he was meeting her out Saturday night, and then when I heard him sneaking her out down the fire escape I pretty much knew. Him hooking up with this girl would be a friendship ruiner for all of us with this particular friend.  Not because I would’ve told on him, but Doogie’s girlfriend was there and definitely would’ve ratted him out.  Of course our friend would be mad at Anth for hooking up with his little sister, but he would be just as mad at the rest of us for not telling him or stopping it from happening.  But that wasn’t what disturbed me to the core.  It was just the fact that it was another Saturday night, and another random girl he has no intention of dating.

The next day when Anth and I talked about it, I called him a whore and he went off on a big tangent about how he’s not a whore and when he wants to he’ll stop sleeping around.  And we’re even still talking about it 3 days later on facebook 10 feet away from each other because Doogie doesn’t know:

A: Britt Britt is hot (Britt Britt is NOT the girl from this weekend)

G: Who is Britt Britt? #2?

A: EASY! Yes, Brittany

G: Oh yeah, she was a cute girl.  She was friendlier than #1 so that’s why I liked her.

A: That’s going to come out on accident or drunkenly and I am just going to wag my finger at you.  And ground you.

G: What? The number system?

A: Yes.  I actually kind of like Brittany, I think I’m going to see her this weekend.

G: You should do that. She seemed fun.

A: Yeah, that’s the #2 thing I’m worried about since we’re numbering things. #1 is she went to HS with Doogie and his girlfriend and Kate and Melissa are friends with her.

G: She’s too much fun? I mean she didn’t put out so she’s not a whore.  I thought that would be #1.

A: she did…. but not the first night.  Hence the date.

G: Wow, you are such a dbag.  No offense.

A: Shut up I was kidding.  Actually no I’m not.  Why is that dbag? I’m not dating any whores that bang the night I meet them.  I didn’t used to even take them home but then I just got sick of not coming home with chicks.  You need to come get briefed on the Kate/Melissa situation.

G: What’s the K/M sitch? I’m doing laundry. (Not really, I just didn’t want to get out of bed) It’s just dbag bc girls go home with you because they want a relationship and because they think you’re a nice guy and you don’t want a relationship and you have no intention of dating them.  Dbag.

A: Yeah that’s stupid.  Someone on their floor got murdered.  They’re coming to stay here for…a while.

So this just ruined my life.  Kate and Melissa are nice girls but they’re fucking annoying.  Like where the fuck are they going to sleep/put their stuff? We’re already 6 deep in a 3 person apartment with Doogie, his girlfriend, JM, Me, Anth and his whores.  We can’t possibly accommodate 2 more girls that have twice as many belongings as the rest of us combined.  Not to mention if I have to hear them talk every day I am going to kill someone.  They have Fran Dresher voices.  Eff.  They even dress exactly alike:


See: Both wearing a tank top with a long cardigan over it, shorts, and bootie shoes.  And they bring over 6 chicken nuggets as dinner for the 2 of them and only eat 3.  I mean it’s whatever.  I think they’ll get annoyed in about a day and go home.  Especially because I told Anth if one of them even goes a minute into my shower time I’m not paying anymore rent and telling everyone he hooked up with our friend’s little sister.  Yes, blackmail is my friend.

Anyway, Anth’s bout with whoreism got me thinking.  I know there are girls out there who sleep around, but I’d like to think the big majority of girls (at least girls my age) that go home with guys from bars are really looking for a relationship so they can find their prince charming and get married.  But 99% of the time the guys girls go home with from bars are just like Anth and only in it for the sex.  No surprise there.  And the girl is immediately vulnerable because she wants more than the guy out of the one night fling.  

Not that I’m going out picking up random bar dudes, but I feel like there’s a good amount of guys who ask girls on dates just to get them in the sack.  Which is probably more what happens in my age group then randomly going home with guys from bars.  So why in the hell do we put up with these assholes who just use us? We know that no guy we are meeting in a bar is our soul mate.  And these guys just get to do whatever they want, they’re not trying to get to know us, they just want in our pants.  Again, no big surprise.

Side note: Totally realized I just skipped over the whole murder thing.  Eh, it’s the big city, what do you expect?  2 people were murdered a block from my office a few months ago, but you don’t see me working from my friend’s offices.  Was that a good analogy? No?

Anyway, since I haven’t been getting asked on a ton of dates anyway (no dates) I figured now would be a good time to not only get to know myself again without a man in the picture (don’t get all girl power on me yet) and turn down every guy that asks me on a date until 2012 at least 1 time. Let me paint the scenario for you:

Guy: Gizzy you’re so cool, do you want to go out Friday night?

Gizzy: Um, no.

Guy: *Crushed soul*

Then, only if he is truly interested he’ll come back and ask a second time.  This is a risky game, but I need to be single for a while until I stop hating men so I think this is a good start.

Today is my big “office politics” meeting with Corned Beef, if it’s awful and I run out crying I will probably post an emergency blog.  If not, the story will be told Thursday.  Eccckk!! Wish me luck, and thanks for everyones advice!

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10 thoughts on “Blackmail is my friend

  1. My only disagreement with this is the whole meeting soulmates in bars. I go to bars and I’m someone’s soulmate. So there has to be at least a few guys that enjoy going out but want something more than sex, right?

    -L

    PS. good luck at lunch. I say drop kick her and walk out of the cafeteria.

  2. mairedubhtx says:

    Good luck on your meeting at lunch today.

  3. justmarriedgirl says:

    This is why it’s best not to go home with a guy you meet in a bar unless you’re okay with the random hook-up. If he’s your soulmate, he’ll call or text you. If not, too bad, so sad (for him). I met a lot of guys this way when I was a singleton. Some ended up being one-date wonders while others lasted a while, but it was always based on a call-the-next-day kind of thing. We all know I’m a big fan of waiting until late twenties/early thirties before getting serious with anyone, so my advice might not be for everyone.

    Am DYING to hear what happens today. Hate waiting until Thurs! Good luck.

    • You’re totally right, in college I met all my boyfriends at bars and while they did eventually become my boyfriend all they still wanted was sex, and if I wasn’t giving it to them the random bar skanks would. Annnd I am dying to tell everyone what happened at lunch today!! Ecck!
      -G

  4. Melissa says:

    See, I knew there was a reason I didn’t go to bars other than being completely broke…

  5. Matthew says:

    I was never a big bar fly, but when I went to bars/clubs I never went to meet women. It just wasn’t my bag baby. Then again, my end game was never to just “bang and bounce” (if you will).

    I’m not discounting the possibility of meeting someone special at a bar…but the intentions/odds of that are stacked against you typically.

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