It’s the moment you’ve all been sitting on the edge of your chairs waiting for since Tuesday. Drum roll please…. MY LUNCH WITH CORNED BEEF. Annnd the crowd roaaars. I’ve been wining and dining myself tonight, clearly. But on to the story…if you haven’t read my post from last week about an email I got from a co-worker it may be helpful to catch up on the situation before reading the rest of this.
Tuesday quickly rolled around this week, and that morning I was so nervous I could hardly do any work before lunch. I was texting Lucky on my way to work about how sweaty my hands were and I wasn’t even there to feel out the vibe yet. When I did get to work I was there for a few hours and Corned Beef finally showed her face at my desk to ask if I had any questions. She was normal. Hrmmm. She went back to her desk, then sent me an email:
11:30 sound ok for lunch?
I told her yes and then immediately texted Lucky saying how weird it was that she would email me that and not ask me when she was at my desk 2 SECONDS before that. She definitely didn’t want anyone to know we were going out to lunch.
Finally 11:30 rolled around, we made small talk on the way to the elevator and as soon as we stepped outside shit got cray cray.
“So the reason I didn’t want to talk in the office is because I didn’t want Cigarello to hear.”
Which was kind of what I had figured and I told her that. Then she proceeded to tell me that she thinks he was trying to sabotage and mess up my accounts to make himself look better because she had found 40 pages worth of mistakes he had made on over 500 accounts (that’s half of my accounts, in case anyone was wondering) and it’s taken her 3 weeks to get it corrected. She said she informed all of the bosses that it wasn’t me who was messing up that it was Cigarello. I guess this is the exact same thing that the guy who I replaced got fired for, so it was some need to know info for me. She didn’t want anyone to come to me accusing me of messing everything up and trying to fire me over it when I really did nothing wrong.
She proceeded to inform me that I’m doing a really good job and catching on really quickly but that I do need to watch out for Cigarello basically that he is crazy. Which I have been starting to catch onto since he ran his face into the window a few weeks ago trying to look at the clouds and is still talking about it 3 weeks later.
Apparently when she sat at my desk he would listen in on her private phone calls concerning her health and things of that matter and go and tell everyone and would just make laps around the office for no apparent reason. Not to mention it’s super creepy and weird when he pops his head up over our half wall and just stares at me, just like Wilson – only creepier and weirder:
Personally I wouldn’t ever take/make any call that I didn’t want people to over hear at work, but I get what she’s saying – a grown up wouldn’t run and tell all their friends that Corned Beef has a bad heart and might die soon and then come back and look over the half wall like a child molester who just got caught with his hands down his pants.
But as we were entering the holy grail of lunch spots swarming with young hot doctors she tells me that Cigarello used to work at the Press at our company for 18 years and got fired for sabotaging his co-workers. He’s friends from high school with our boss’ boss (the one who gave me the best baseball seats ever) and that’s how he got the job in our office, he doesn’t even have an accounting background. Well that explains why he sucks at his job, but not so much why he sucks as a person.
So she went on to tell me some other Cigarello tid bits about how he has mastered the art of turning a professional phone call into a personal one, which I’ve noticed and I’ve also noticed he calls everyone he knows if he’s leaving an hour early or taking a day off. She also said basically everyone hates him so I shouldn’t feel like other people won’t like me if I’m not nice to him. Pretty much solving all my problems 1 by 1.
When we got back I saw all of the boss’ go into the conference room with Cigarello for the rest of the afternoon (we’re talking at least 3 hours.) I crossed my fingers and wished on my lucky stars that he would get fired but he was still there today being annoying and weird as ever.
The good part is I think my boss thought I was the one fucking everything up and now that she realizes it wasn’t me she has been overly nice to me. She even came to my desk at quarter to five and asked why I was staying late. Um you don’t have to tell me twice, I’ll leave.
Anyway, the moral of the story here is that Corned Beef is a nice lady and my friend like I thought and hoped, she was just looking out for me and wanted to make me aware of the situation. She even sent me an email today asking if we could make going out to lunch a more regular thing so that we can get out of the office and she can introduce me to more people. I agreed, especially considering when we walked into the young doctor lunch hot spot I nearly fainted and told her I was husband hunting for my dear friend Lucky and I while we chatted. Hopefully she can introduce me to a few prospects, or at least a few friends more my age.
The end. Wasn’t that a nice happy ending? For now…