Feeling The Frisky.

I feel so weird now, speaking to you all, as if I didn’t just tell you about the weirdest shit that’s happened to me in awhile. I can’t say “ever.”

But that’s life. And we move on.

I don’t know about you, but I am an avid reader of The Frisky. And this week, there were two articles that resonated with me. Like, I’ve been thinking about them for days. And I’d like to share them with you.

The first, was in the “Dear Wendy” section—basically an advice column that’s nice and blunt. My kind of gal.

Topic: What’s the REAL reason he doesn’t want to date me?

Question: A week ago I met a really nice guy and we hit it off right away. We both are newly single and expressed to one another that we were just looking for someone to go out and spend time with. We went on our first official date a couple of days ago and it went very well. I was pretty certain that we’d see each other again because at certain moments during the date he would make references to future dates. Well, a few hours after the date he texted me saying that while he had a nice time with me and liked me he wasn’t ready for any kind of commitment and wanted to keep his options open. He also said that he felt like if we continued to see one another we’d likely end up in a serious relationship, and that that’s not what he wants right now. I know the answer here should be obvious to me, but it just really sucks! I have never connected this soon with someone before and we had a great first date and I could tell he was into me, but now suddenly I’m rejected because he likes me too much? He said he didn’t want to hurt me and that I deserve a lot more than he can give me right now. Do you think he was he being genuine and really looking out for me? Or was this just his way of saying he’s not into me without actually saying it?

Now, does this not resemble the situation with JBelt? I think it does. So, Wendy’s answer hit home. The jist:

What difference does it make whether he was being “genuine” or simply trying not to hurt your feelings? The bottom line is that, for whatever reason, this guy doesn’t want a relationship with you. Trying to somehow justify his reasoning or twist it around in your head to mean something it doesn’t or convince yourself that with enough effort you could still have a chance with him will do nothing but make you look and feel foolish. Here’s the thing about guys: whether they’re “newly single” or have been on the market for a long time, if they want you as their girlfriend, they will waste NO TIME treating you like a girlfriend. And if they aren’t interested in you as a girlfriend, they will waste no time in letting you know that as well.

There was more, but that’s the part that really hit the nail on the head. So what if JBelt just got out of a relationship or whatever. Obviously he isn’t interested and I just need to get it through my thick skull and move forward. Trust me, I’m trying. And yeah, I have to fucking see him this afternoon for our magazine meeting. It’ll be the first time I’ve seen him in weeks. Any advice?

The second article that struck me was this: “How Going to Vegas for a Bachelorette Party Made Me Question Everything.”

If that title doesn’t get you, I don’t know what will. Now, I definitely suggest reading it, but the deal is this girl goes on a bachelorette weekend, she’s the only single person and she feels embarrassed to be parading around Vegas grasping penis suckers to celebrate a marriage. She starts to wonder why we don’t celebrate other milestones—in her case, getting a master’s degree.

Completely understood.

I’ve been on two bachelorette weekends this spring, and am headed on my third a week from today. And while, I don’t feel embarrassed by the lollicocks and the plastic engagement rings, it is twisted that we don’t celebrate more in our lives. I know I’ve mentioned it before—us singletons really get the shit-end of the stick.

I’ve wondered what I would do if my dream came true of making it into the Sunday Times—I’ve always figured I’d host a brunch the morning it was printed. Or what if my book was published? Or became a best-seller? Or what will I do when I purchase my first home? Those are all big accomplishments, whether I have a man by my side or not.

That’s a societal thing, I suppose. And society, as much as I hate using that term, is a big reason single people feel like shit. So, I want to know—what’s the milestone you want to celebrate?

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2 thoughts on “Feeling The Frisky.

  1. Matthew says:

    Advice about JBelt – let it be what it’s going to be, a meeting. Vague? Yes. But as Wendy said, why complicate it in your mind and try to rationalize things out.

    I know I’d want to celebrate when I purchased my first home. Heck, I already have a plan to celebrate once I have my own place again by getting a dog.

    Or finally getting the “dream” job (meaning a job that I’m actually happy to get up for every morning).

  2. justmarriedgirl says:

    That is good advice re: JBelt. I know the meeting has already happened by now, but I would just plan on being professional and breezy. You want to keep the assignments coming, but you don’t want him to think you’re open to anything else.

    It’s very important to celebrate your own milestones. You will have your own bachelorette party and your own showers someday, and they’ll be special and great, and you’ll feel grateful for them, but you should also celebrate things like getting an article or story published in a coveted place or achieving any other monumental goal. Likewise, we shouldn’t only be celebrating one another just on the basis of getting married and having babies. People who really love you will want to come to your “I got a new puppy” picnic or your “I just finished P90x” brunch.

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