It’s Thursday, which means it’s one step closer to the weekend that I know everyone is ready for. Gizzy and I have been wanting to ask our blog crush, Inside the Nice Guy, to write a guest blog forever (foreva-eva), but I get the vibe that guest blogs don’t fly with you beloveds.
So, we decided to do a Q & A with Mr. Nice Guy instead—and by Q & A, we grilled him and tried to get to the bottom of this supposed “Nice Guy” thing he’s got going on. How long should we wait to sleep with a new guy? What’s appropriate to wear on a first date? How will Nice Guy propose to his future bride? We’ve got it all:
1. What are, in your opinion, the characteristics that make up a “nice guy”?
To be frankly honest that’s difficult for me to answer, within the limits of my own personal opinion, since the “nice guy” label was more-so given to me rather than being self-imposed. I suppose some traits could be a combination of being genuine, having a properly calibrated moral/ethical compass, compassionate/empathetic *translated to often thinking of others*, honesty and integrity. Truthfully, I think a lot of it bears down to just making the right choices.
2. Can you think of any celebrities that fit into the “nice guy” category?
As much as he plays a friggin’ bad-ass in most of his movies, the guy who comes to my mind immediately is Hugh Jackman. Anything that I read holds him to this incredibly high regard by those who know him and work with him. Additionally, I often hear about his wife (and kids) which we all know a loyal, strong family relationship is relatively rare in the world of Hollywood *though not completely unheard of*.
3. What are your deal breakers?
This could very well end up being one of my easiest answers. I’m pretty open-minded and realize that people have a past and make choices *I’m far from perfect* One definite deal breaker would be if they were a current drug user. Having experimented once or twice before, that’s fine. If you regularly roll up a fatty, light up a bowl, inject or sniff anything or mix your own “mickey” odds are we aren’t going to work out. That’s probably the most conservative thing about me. Don’t like drugs, of any type, and really see no purpose for them outside of medical reasons.
Also, it would be nice if she didn’t like/have a cat(s). I’m allergic and more of a dog person.
4. What things do you find most attractive in a woman?
I could just say an alluring pair of eyes, and a killer smile, but leaving it at that would be boarder-line lame. In the same light of physicality, I am absolutely drawn to a woman with a great back and shoulders. Don’t ask me where that comes from, it just drives me wild. A natural look. Casual even. Basic make-up. T-shirt. Jean/shorts/skirt. Comfy shoes. Maybe even a ball cap.
In a non-physical sense I like a good combination of confidence and humility. Sarcasm but the ability to laugh at one-self. Ambition and drive. Nothing is sexier than a woman who knows who she is, has the strength to look the world in the eyes and say “Eff you”, but have moments of vulnerability to admit when she needs help.
5. What do you think is appropriate for a girl to wear on a first date?
That completely depends on what the first date consists of. Just be comfortable. If you’re comfortable, it will show and therefore we’ll be comfortable too. Plus, we’re there to see who you are…though you may want us to see only what you want us to see.
6. Do you think men eventually become “nice guys” or they either are or they aren’t?
I think a guy can become a nice guy as equally as a nice guy has the chance to become a complete dick. The thing is the longer the person is a particular way the more likely this type of “personality” is going to become further rooted into making them who they are. Around my freshman year of high school I became friends with a guy, we’ll call him Pretty Eyes *a nickname my mom and sister gave him*. He and I were basically polar opposites in many regards, particularly when it came to women. He had game. I did not. He had women virtually fawning over him. I had women telling me “I see you just as a friend.” The strange thing was that any time he and I were hanging out; we caused an imbalance in the other. I became more confident. He became less of a douche.
7. If a woman approaches you in a bar, or another setting, is that too forward?
Um…hell no! We guys like to be sought out too and nothing is more flattering (and attractive) than a woman who is willing to put herself in the typical guy vulnerability shoes and take a chance on possible rejection. Here’s a tip. If you and some guy are exchanging glances from across a room, or having little conversational quips here and there, and it is all but obvious you both are digging on the other but he’s not making a “move”…step up. Odds are we’re intimidated by your beauty, confidence, energy, etc. We are our own worst enemy. Are you sending what seem to be clear-cut signals and he’s not acting on it? We can be pretty dense and anything less than asking for our number *or giving us yours* will probably fly right over our head.
8. What are your rules in dating? i.e., who pays for the first few dates? Who plans the dates? When do you set up the second date, etc.
No sex in the champagne room. Oh wait…rules of dating. My bad. I was thinking about something else. No matter who asks who out for the first few dates the guy pays. Hands down. However, there is some bending room. Any guy is going to appreciate a woman who offers to pay. If the guy is anything worth his salt he will politely decline. Should she persist, he will continue the volley saying he’s got it. Now, should she persist a third time a compromise may be optioned. There are a couple ways this could go. If the two of you are going to do something else (say you’re at dinner and plan on going to a movie) one person could pick up dinner and the other could pick up the movie tickets (and any concessions). My favorite is say, “Let me get this one and you can get the next one.” *long pause*. “Maybe.” Smile and wink. *only wink if you can do it without looking creepy* Okay, maybe don’t smile and wink. Do what works best for you to come off cute and coy. The abridged version of my rambling is: Guy = pays for the first few (if he can get away with it). After a repore’ has been established then ‘who-did-the-asking’ should pick up the tab. Or, in some cases these days alternating who picks it up. Sort of a play on going Dutch.
One final note on this. Never. Ever. Never keep “score” on how many times you’ve paid for something and/or how much. Everything will “even” out one way or another. Plus, with the right person money simply doesn’t/shouldn’t matter. Another final note. Try not to think about it and if you feel you are spending too much, or going out too much, then tell the person *assuming the two of you are now going out with each other on a frequent basis* Over-thinking about who is going to pay is going to be as awkward as watching an old man do an Irish Jig in a tutu while singing ‘Old Man River’. It’s better to just avoid it.
9. Do you believe in soul mates?
Not really. At least not in just one soul mate. The numbers simply aren’t there. I do believe that there are those you are destined to meet. It is part timing and part who you are at the time when you meet. Our personalities are in a constant state of shift. Who you were last year may not be the case now. Boiling down to how well the two of you compliment the other and don’t hinder the others growth (and development) but add to it, feed it and encourage it.
10. How do you drink your coffee?
Strong. Dark. Preferably iced. And with a little cream. And when I say cream I don’t mean any of that powdered or non-dairy crap. Half ‘n Half or Whole Milk that sucker, on occasion get me one of those flavored Café’ Delight things in the dairy section.
11. When do you think is a good time for a girl to give it up (i.e, after 2 weeks of dating, a month, when you’re in a relationship exclusively, etc..) so that the guy remains “nice” and still respects her and doesn’t try to hump and dump?
I don’t think I’m really the right guy to be asked this question, simply because I’ve never been casual when it comes to sex. Never had a one-night-stand. No hump and dump. Nor a sexual fling. Any woman I’ve had sex with, I’ve been in/ended up in a relationship with…long enough where “I love you’s” were exchanged. The best advice I can think to offer would be to pay attention to what the guy does, not what he says. How does he treat you? How does he treat others? Learn to observe things when he may not think you’re not attentive. I’m not saying to spy on him…just be aware.
12. How will we know if a guy is really a “nice guy” or if he is just faking it to get in our pants?
This kind of ties in with my answer above to #11. A great recommendation in this regard, go on at least one date where some friends are with you. A group date. Then, get their opinion. Friends are able to see things that we may not clearly see while dating.
13. How often would YOU say the average male thinks of sex nice guys included?
Are we looking for a daily average or an hourly average? It’s difficult to keep count because, at times, those thoughts come and go as naturally as breathing. I would guess anywhere between 4 to 12 times a day. Some days may be higher than others. External factors could play in causing a shift in the frequency. It’s not an exact science but I would feel safe in saying that even on a guys worst day. WORST day. He will still think about sex once or twice.
14. Why do you think people always say “Nice guys finish last”?
Because of Green Day’s Nimrod album. Growing up, nice guys did finish last. At least I always did. I always got the ‘friends’ line from girls I was interested in. And those who did like me, I was my own worst enemy when it came to confidence and making a move. Therefore, the opportunity would be lost. The greatest hurdle a nice guy has to overcome is himself. Fortunately, as we get older, women begin to get tired of the bad boy and want someone they can take home, feel safe with and build a future with. Cue the nice guy. We are basically what most women have always been looking for, they just took a while to realize it. I no longer really look at it as ‘finishing last’ but the nice guy finishes best. Consider a marathon. You could push yourself to go as fast as you can for those 26.2 miles but at the end of the run you are going to feel like getting bisected by farming equipment. Instead, concentrate not on time but simply finishing. Break that finisher tape at your own pace, the way you want to, and you’ll feel great. And it’s all worth it. 15. Who is your dream celebrity woman and why? During high school I would have said Sarah Michelle Gellar because dating a vampire slayer would have proven monsters are real. In college, Kirsten Dunst because I grew up in a comic book store and always wanted to date Mary Jane Watson. These days. Scarlett Johansson. I’ve always loved her voice. Plus, A Love Song for Bobby Long. Awwwwwwesome.
16. Why do guys always talk about their exes on dates?
That’s a very good question and I wish I knew the answer to that. However, having never been on a date with a guy I can’t confirm, nor deny, that a guy always talks about his ex on a date. I do not speak about any of my exes unless asked, or I may briefly mention one if a conversational topic leads me to quickly make a reference and then continue on to something else. In contrast, I have encountered some women who would talk about their exes *a lot* on dates I’ve been on. And I would agree…why? Yes, I like to learn about you but I could really care less about those guys.
17. What subjects do you think should be off limits on dates?
Without question, past relationships. No one wants to hear how great (or horrible) a past relationship was on the first date. Should more dates come in the future you can slowly work in some details here and there, but diving into the others past should be saved for when you are exclusively together. Otherwise, I’m kind of a fan of candid conversation regardless of the topic. Religion. Politics. Belief in an alternate universe. It’s all good to me unless asking my advice on how to dispose of a body-shaped rug currently smelling up the trunk of your car. Just use your own judgment when it comes to date subjects. If you are extremely passionate about your political views, animal testing, woman’s suffrage and an opposite opinion/view point could set you off it is probably in your best interest to keep conversation to lower key items like board games, favorite junk food and where squirrels like to hide their nuts.
18. If a girl you were considering marrying told you she didn’t think she could have children what would you do? (This is a huge fear of mine as I get older and my biological clock continues to tick.)
That isn’t really a big deal to me what-so-ever. However, that it because I’m currently sitting on the fence as to whether or not I even want children myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. I adore my niece and nephew. And my stance on kids has even perplexed my girlfriend because of how good I am with them and how I love the two of them so unconditionally. And how’s this for eff’d up? Here I am, uncertain on creating my own spawn but at the same time I believe *with the utmost confidence* that I would be a brilliant father and it would probably be the thing I’m best at *aside from being a killer boyfriend/husband ;)* However, I truly loved this girl. If there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted her to be forever introduced to others as “my wife ______” then that would not be a deal breaker at all. So we can’t have our own kids. No big. There are plenty of children here that don’t have parents, or a family of their own. Plus, now you can have all the sex you want without the worry of accidentally getting pregnant before the two of you are ready to have kids.
19. How do you think you will propose to your future wife?
The exact way can’t really be spelled out, because when the time comes it will likely be built on things/places from our relationship. If she likes karaoke, maybe I’d sing one of her favorite songs and then keep the mic and ask the audience for just a moment. Maybe we’ll go to a place that has a specific significance to us (or me, or her) from the relationship. Where we said I love you for the first time. First kiss. Where I realized I wanted to marry her. Don’t mistake this that proposals need to be a mind-blowing event. Sure, it would be great to pull off one like the guy who filmed the faux-trailer that played before a viewing of ‘Fast Five’ at a local theatre *if you haven’t seen this yet you don’t spend enough time on YouTube*. Or, consider the guy who wrote ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and got he (and his then girlfriend now fiancé) roles as extras during the first season finale where he proposed to her during the taping. Regardless, the act of how it is done does not matter as much as the girl you are asking the question to. To quote another favorite show of mine when the show’s title character is trying to propose to his girlfriend, “Forget about the balcony Bartowski. All you need is the girl.”
20. Why do men cheat (some “Nice Guys” do it too!)?
This is something I honestly, whole- heartedly, wish I knew the answer to, or were able to provide even a glimmer of light as to the ever-elusive ‘why’. I’ve never understood cheating. My person philosophy on cheating is; if you feel the need to cheat on someone you’re in a relationship with then you shouldn’t be in that relationship to begin with. I hear people cheat for a number of reasons (boredom, routine, fell out of love, thrill, something new, etc.) Frankly, to me it’s all bullshit. You cheat, you’re weak. If you get caught, you deserve it. If you don’t get caught…well…shit flows down stream just like everything else.