Shark Week… can attack everyone!

First, I must say that I am considering offering an etiquette/how to not be a lazy slob class to my co-workers.  Riddle me this friends, if I can HEAR you coming toward my desk from the copy room because you don’t pick your feet up when you walk, does that make you feel good about yourself? Do you think you’re a good person because you drag your feet?  I don’t.  I know, dragging your feet has nothing to do with being a good person, but it really pisses me off.

We’ll call this individual K-Money… because… I want to.   Not only does K-Money drag her feet everywhere she walks, she’s a mumbler and TALKS in short hand.   Maybe she really doesn’t talk in short hand, I just can’t understand her so I have to ask her what every word means so that I understand what she is trying to say.   She’s not the only one that drags her feet though.  I also work with an old asian man who tries to convince me on the daily to come live in his house, but he does it too.  Like is that what happens when you get old? You drag your feet and try to adopt out of towners as your children?

Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest because it’s been driving me nuts for about the past 7 months.

So, on to shark week.  Yesterday Lucky informed us all that she doesn’t get the big hooplah over Shark Week and thinks we’re lame for loving it.

Personally, I love Shark Week because any other time of the year when you watch the discovery channel you’re watching really boring shit.  Like how grasshoppers mate (actually, I’d like to see that…but you get it sharks > grasshoppers). 

I didn’t really become obsessed with sharks or Shark Week until last summer when I had my run in with a barracuda (a type of shark).  ALSO, while on that trip I rode a scooter around the bottom of the ocean, saw a few sharks, and pissed my pants. 

I’m going to Hawaii over Christmas with my family and have already begun to look in to where I want to take surf lessons.  So I watched the Shark Week specials Monday night where Sharks were attacking surfers, divers, and beach goers in Austrailia a few summers ago.  I learned some valuable tips – Go for the eyes and that was really it. 

I think everyone else loves Shark Week because Sharks eat people.  So I took the liberty of googling other animals that eat people.  There are a few that I would also like to see discovery channel dedicate an entire week to such as:

-Komodo Dragons

-Hyenas

-Driver Ants

I know what komodo dragons and hyenas are… but seriously, wtf is a driver ant.  You are not seriously telling me there are ants out there eating people.

Cocktails at Tiffany’s investigates…

-So they are found mostly in Africa (standard) and some Asian tropics

-They are also known as army ants, dorylus, or safari ants

-When they attack people it’s because they are short on food and form marching lines of up to 50,000,000 ants.  50 million!!!!!!!!!!

-They have stingers, but their bite is what kills

-They’re blind

-When they kill people they usually kill babies or the immobile (old people) and consume them.  ANTS… consuming people.  It’s true.

-The males are known as sausage flies.  HAHA

-Africans use them as emergency sutures.  When they receive a gash they make the ant clamp down on the wound with their jaws and then rip the body off. 

That’s about it.  I hope everyone keeps this in mind when traveling to Africa.

So, in other news… I had to go to the dentist yesterday and almost died.  Like for real, there was blood, I was unconcious, it was not fun, and I’ll never go back.

I went in a few weeks ago for a routine cleaning, told my dentist that I regularly had steak getting caught in between two of my molars (food trapping as they in the biz like to call it) and that I thought that one of them might be chipped.  So she takes a looksie and tells me that I have a filling in that tooth and part of it had come out so there was food stuck in the hole where the filling used to be.  Awesome.

So I schedule my appointment to get the filling redone for yesterday.  I show up they start numbing my mouth and in comes the dentist to tell me that the two teeth that I experience the food trapping between both have old fillings in them and it would be best for her to redo them both, because one of them is flat and ones round and it won’t cure the problem blah blah blah.  So I say ok, fork out another $200 for the second filling and think thats it. 

She gets in there with her drill and finds all kinds of problems, says that because there was food stuck INSIDE the tooth there are additional cavities within the same tooth and she’s going to have to do some “reconstructive” work on the tooth.

What it all boils down to is they had to put me out because I couldn’t handle it.  There was blood and I was swallowing blood and kept thinking I was going to barf so out I went. 

I woke up to find one large supertooth that now consumes what used to be 2 of my molars.  It still looks like 2 teeth, but they basically bonded them together and I can’t floss between them, nor will I ever experience “food trapping” in that area again.  So I guess problem solved.  But now I’m a freak with a giant tooth.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, I couldn’t eat for the rest of the day and hadn’t eaten since about 10 am so I was starving, drunk on laughing gas, felt sick to my stomach, and couldn’t feel my face all at the same time.  Not to mention I bit my tongue so hard that it started gushing blood and didn’t realize it, because I couldn’t feel it.  None the less, I’m at work today and I’m alive.  Mission complete.

 

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6 thoughts on “Shark Week… can attack everyone!

  1. Matthew says:

    Do you think sharks experience food trapping? I mean, it happened in ‘Jaws’ and ‘Deep Blue Sea’, but Hollywood may have taken artistic license.

    My love for Shark Week didn’t occur until last summer too, while sitting in my apartment bored out of my mind. Though years ago I do remember being bored with one of my best friends one night. She and I were flipping through channels and came across a doc on Aminal Planet about killer ants.

    So, I guess you’re right. We watch because it’s animals and things eating people.

  2. amanalynn says:

    I thought shark week was some find of college thing. Like frosh week, where everyone gets drunk and crazy. I also pictured everyone dressed in shark costumes (ok that’s pushing it). But serisouly, I thought it was a college week of mayhem.

    Well, I was wrong, for so many reasons. Shark week happens before people even go back to school and it’s actually about sharks. Who knew?!?!?

    Anyway, I love your random stories! Hope you’re feeling better.

  3. Omg. I’m totally obsessed with Shark Week, too. Yesterday my cousin asked me what shark week was… and I had to lecture her (whatever, she didn’t know about hoarders or intervention, either).

    Anywho, the stuff about all the shark attacks in Australia December 2008? Ya. Bianca and I were there and routinely ignored “shark watch” to swim in the ocean.

    Some of the clips they showed from the news, I remember watching on the news.

    Yikes.

    Xo,
    Bridget

  4. Umm okay losers, you know what ELSE eats people? Fucking grizzlies.

    Is there a “Grizzly Week”?

    I rest my case.

    -L

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