Hallelujah it’s Friday!!! I could not be happier. When I was in college not studying my life away, partying on Monday’s and Wednesday’s and whenever I felt like it, laying out by the pool on a Tuesday, and watching Full House reruns every day I always thought I would be happier when I got a full time job and I was bringing in the bucks. But I’m not. People are right, the real world sucks. Work sucks. And my life is slipping through my fingers, the weeks all blend together and the weekend is all I live for. So everyone, how about some anti-depressants?
And on that note, I am returning to Shit U this weekend to find me a hot young hunk to make out with. I say this every time I go and it never happens, so I’m not going to jinx it and get all analytical and scheme up a way to make out with a 21 year old. This is the first weekend back for the students, so I think that’s all I need to say. I won’t be the only one looking to make some bad decisions.
I’m really going back because Gigi, Chuck, Acts Gay but Says He’s Straight Friend Adam, Bri, Gigi’s boyfriend, Gigi and Chuck’s old roommate Netti and I have decided that every year we will have a reunion the first weekend of school, because we need a valid reason for partying with college students. It should be a good time; drama will definitely ensue between Gigi, Chuck, and Bri who aren’t all on the best of terms and I’ll get drunk and use Acts Gay but Says He’s Straight Friend Adam as my wingman.
Annnd turning the page… who’s wondering about my coffee date? No one? Well it didn’t happen. All thanks to my shit hole apartment. I get up 30-40 minutes early so I could leave early to go meet Alex for coffee. I left and tried to shut the garage door and it wouldn’t shut. It would start to shut for like 2 seconds, and then it would bounce back up like something was in front of the sensor. I cleared all the cob webs out of the way and it was still doing it. Like would not go down for the life of me. I thought I was going to have to call into work because I couldn’t very well leave out house wide open for hobos and criminals to invade. I tried figuring out a way to unhook the sensor, almost electrocuted myself, and after 20 minutes of messing with it finally decided to call Anth because I was about to cry. He says it’s the sun and it does it every morning if you leave at that time. Are you freaking kidding me? The sun is keeping our garage door from closing? I went inside and watched half an episode of The Wonder Years, emailed Alex to tell him I wasn’t going to be able to make it, and came back out and it worked. But really, I never had weird things like this: my apartment catching on fire, rabid mice running around, and THE SUN KEEPING ME FROM GOING TO WORK – until I moved to this city.
So I finally get to work and I get this email from Anth that he got from our landlord:
The association is complaining about:
- Cigarette Butts scattered around the property by guests
- The fire escape is for emergencies only not for entering and exiting units
- The associate requires the names and numbers of any tenants living in your property
- There have been numerous complaints from owners pertaining to noise coming from the unit, rooftop, and courtyard to the point that specific monetary fines were discussed at the last meeting.
This pissed me off. Let’s start from the top…
- Cigarette Butts scattered around the property by guests. – UMMM… none of us smoke, nor do any of our friends, how about instead of picking on the poor kids who aren’t invited to the association meetings they pick on the lady who runs her psychiatry business out of her home and whose patients hang out in the courtyard while they’re waiting on their appointment.
Young kids with good jobs = non-smokers
Psychos = smokers
Seems pretty simple.
- The fire escape is for emergencies only blah blah blah – this one is legit, because when JM lived with us he used the fire escape to get into our apartment almost daily. But that has been 3 months ago so they’re too late on that one. Oh, and Anth the time he snuck a shacking whore down it.
- The association requires the names and numbers of all tenants living in the property. —So give it to them dumb shit. You have them. I hate people. HATE! So stupid.
- There have been numerous complaints from owners pertaining to noise coming from the unit, rooftop, and courtyard… So I’d like to say we have been pretty calm with the exception of the weekend Lucky was in town/the bachelor party. Other than that they’ve got nothing. However, our neighbors do have rooftop parties every weekend and sometimes on Thursdays so maybe they should’ve spoken up and said they’re the noisy ones instead of the poor 20 something’s who weren’t there to defend themselves.
So Anth kept saying he didn’t care and blah blah blah, but I have a feeling he’s going to care when we get a big fat fine the mail. Which will be when I walk over to the president’s house (next door, also the douche who set the complex on fire) and tell him that if he wants to fine us for being loud I’m going to fine his baby for waking me up with it’s stupid baby noises every morning at 5am. And I’m going to fine him for revving the engine to his porche every night when he gets home from cheating on his wife at midnight, and every morning when he leaves at 6am, and he can pay the fine for the grass mowers that are loud when they come at the butt crack of dawn to mow the grass on Saturday mornings. And then I’m going to fine the neighbors on the other side of us for not turning their alarm clock off on a Saturday morning and it beeped for 4 hours straight beginning at 5:30am. Ready. To. Rumble.