This means war.

Halfway to the weekend.  Must keep going. 

I haven’t been very hush hush about the fact that I hate my job.  49% of why I hate it is because I have so much work and barely have enough time to blog, let alone eat lunch, or slack off.  The other 51% is because of my co-workers.  Specifically Ciggy Breath because he sucks at life and smells like old cigarettes and snot while he does it. 

Next week we have a new employee starting that will hold the same position as me, ciggy breath, k money foot dragger, the old asian man who wants to adopt me, and the young weird girl.  I am happy that we’re getting a new employee because inevitably she will be taking 20% of my workload.  Which will get me down to 144 things to do versus 180. 
But I have been hearing all this chatter about how the bosses are going through each of our accounts and pulling out any account with a problem to ensure they don’t give that one to the new girl.  A wiggy what?  No no no.  No one did this for me, when I took on this job I got accounts whether they were fucked up or not and they were my problem even though I didn’t contibute to any of the fucking up. 
Also, she gets a new computer.  Which REALLY pisses me off.  Before I came along, Corned Beef was sitting at my desk using my computer and when I was hired she moved to the non-window side of the office and they got her a brand spanking new computer with windows 7, a 15 inch monitor, a wireless mouse and keyboard, and working speakers even though she only works 2 days a week, and even though all of her files are on my computer and she’s constantly asking me to send her shit.  And now the new girl doesn’t have to sit next to ciggy breath, gets a nice new computer, AND gets all of the easy accounts?  All while I sit here with the oldest computer known to man, next to Ciggy Breath, with all of the fucked up accounts?  It hardly seems fair, and I want to know who a girl’s gotta bang in this company to catch a god damned break!
Anyway, what was I saying?  Oh yeah, so I still hate Ciggy Breath.  Not just because he smells bad and annoys the piss out of me, not because he sneezes and blesses himself when he sprays spit all over his computer monitor, not because he never washes his coffee cup, and not even because he licks his finger to pick the up crumbs off his desk to eat, I hate him more now than ever because he really is fucking trying to sabotage my job.
Our boss has told him numorous times to get it straightened up and to get himself organized but he never does and he never faces any reprocussions because of it.  Since he was in charge of my accounts before I came along he occassionally will find things that belong to my accounts (yes, still, even after I have been at this job for over 8 months).  And today my friends, was one of those days.  Today was also the day I blew my lid and not only cussed AT Ciggy Breath but cussed at him infront of our entire staff.   
So here I am minding my own business working like a dog and I see Ciggy Breath waving a check over my half wall.  I look over and say an annoyed, “WHAT!” He takes that as an invitation to come into my cube and tell me about how he’s over in his cube “cleaning” and found this check that belongs to one of my accounts, from last September.  I rip the check out of his hand as soon as I see that it’s for 13.6 million dollars.  Remember a few months ago when I was telling everyone about how little Mikey and myself were doing things for a top secret project aka the biggest account my company holds?  This 13.6 million dollar check is the payment for that top secret project that ciggy breath has had under his coffee cup for the past fucking year, this is just one of MANY million dollar payments. 
At this point everything pretty much went blank and I felt myself rising up out of my chair.  I slammed my fist down on my desk and screamed, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! HOW COULD YOU BE SUCH AN UNORGANIZED PIECE OF SHIT TO DISREGARD A FUCKING 13 MILLION DOLLAR CHECK FOR A FUCKING YEAR!!!”  As most of you know, checks have expiration dates.  This project started September 1, 2010 and the check was dated August 31, 2010.  So I have today, today… to get ahold of everyone that needs to be gotten ahold of to make numerous people around this company drop what they are doing so that we can get this 13.6 fucking million dollar check cashed before it expires tomorrow. 
Of course the bosses heard all of the screaming and came running out.  I told them what happened and their only response was, “Do what you need to do to get it deposited today. Because it will be a sad day at the company if you have to go back and ask them to issue us another check.”  No reprocussions for Ciggy Breath, nothing, they basically acted like it was my fault that he’s had been wiping his mouth with a 13 million dollar check for the past year.  Basically this should have been taken care of and deposited before I was ever even hire.  When I get checks I get them out of the door THAT DAY because I don’t want to be the reason we lose a fuck ton of money. 
So anyway, I ran into little Mikey’s office with tears welling up in my eyes.  I told him what happened, and since he just got a promotion yesterday I knew he could do something about it.  He was especially infuriated because it’s his team that has to run around and drop everything to make sure the check gets cleared today. 
Bottle of wine or 3 after work? Don’t mind if I do!
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2 thoughts on “This means war.

  1. 13 million dollars? Oh my god. Ciggy Breath should be fired.

  2. […] also thankful that none of my clients will ever be writing me cheques valued at $13 million. (From now on, when shitty things happen at my place of employment, I’m just going to say to […]

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