The Lesbian

I think I mentioned Tuesday that I am stressed out at work, right? It’s because it’s the fiscal year end and they (The Company/boss whores) try and cram more work than we do 11 months out of the year into 1 month and expect people not to lose their shit. I knew September was going to be crazy when I was trotting around in May being all “Fralalaaaaa… I have nothing to do! I’m better than you!” And everyone was laughing behind my back being all “Heh heh.. she’ll see!”  I see, ok douchers, I see.

I broke it down to see how much time I need to spend in each “area” I am responsible for to get all the work on my desk done: 

Emails: 1200 minutes

Transfers: 750 minutes

New Accounts: 30 minutes

Budgets: 60 minutes

Financial Reports: 1650

Total: 3690 minutes OR about 62 hours.

So if I worked for the next 2 ½ days taking no breaks and not sleeping I could get all of my work done, that is assuming that I don’t get any additional transfers, emails, financial reports, etc… which is about as unlikely as me finding a husband tomorrow. Especially considering the due date is September 28th for all this crap, and I will get about 10 X this much coming in on September 27th alone. I hate everyone!

If I hadn’t been such a slack ass facebooking/blogging/googling the missing instead of working for the past 2 months, this predicament probably wouldn’t be so bad.  But! Since everyone I work with is old and slow I still have less work than them, yesterday my bosses were all, “Praiiiise Gizzy, since you’re ahead of everyone else we need you to train the new girl, The Lesbian.”

Ok, ok.. I’ll train your lesbian, but you just tell her to keep her eyes to herself, mmkay? Before we get a bunch of hate mail, I am totally down with the gays, Lucky and I were Kevin Yang’s #1 fan before he deleted his blog/wordpress kicked him off.  I’m not entirely sure what happened there, I just know that my sweet rambling gayness is gone forever, Ellen is my homegirl, you get it.

So, despite what the bloggy may lead you to believe, I don’t really like to talk to people who aren’t my friends.  I’ll do a little hey how ya doin, or a short 1 or 2 line convo.  But after that I can all I can hear is myself talking (and yes, I’ve suddenly taken an interest in acting? I know, I think I’m bi-polar too) and I just think I sound weird, and quiet, and raspy, and a lot of people have told me that I have the voice of a porn/phone sex/900 number lady, and that really creeps me out, but I guess if I really want to work from home that’s an option?  So I’m just not big on talking, and having to train someone means I have to talk, like a lot.  So I was not looking forward to this.  I made notes so that I could run through the training 1 time, give her the notes and be done with it.  But she had all kinds of questions and wanted examples and just really ruined my plan.

Just when I’d start to feel a little bit comfortable with my training rambling and could hear myself talking in the 900 lady voice I noticed she was looking at my boobs, and then I remembered that she’s a lesbian.  Yep! Awkwaaaard.  

I shifted around in my chair and pulled my cardigan closed holding back my tears.  Don’t get me wrong here, I had on a full coverage dress, but I have big boobs so they stick out and are pretty noticeable no matter how much I try and cover them up.   As I was sitting there fidgeting wishing she would just go away so I could crawl under my desk and cry, I looked down and noticed that the dress I was wearing that has a weird angle slit up the front (it might actually be a bathing suit cover up, or pajamas? Thanks Target, for not making that clear) was positioned so that the world could see my underwear.  I mean there is a good chance she didn’t notice because my exposed underpants were under my desk and she was too busy checking out my boobs, but just the thought of it gives me the willies, as it would if this happened with anyone.

When the training was finally over I texted Anth, “There’s a good chance I showed The Lesbian my underwear today.” he replied, “HAAA! I knew it!” So he thinks I’m a lesbian?  I replied, “Not on purpose, jerkoff.” Then I explained the situation, and he proceeded to tell me not to jump to conclusions because she hadn’t asked me to be on her softball team yet, and I’m not really the type that lesbian’s are attracted to anyway so I needed to get my panties out of a twist, literally.

At this point in my life, Anth has now told me that I’m not the girlfriend/wife type and now I’m also not the type lesbian’s are attracted to either.   So what’s left… being a cat lady or a nun?

So I don’t know, things might be weird at work today.  I’m either going to have to call in sick or wear a mumu.

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15 thoughts on “The Lesbian

  1. Something is seriously wrong if emails take up a third of crunch time work.

    Couple questions for you, Gizzy…

    1. Why does it bother you that she’s looking at your boobs? You like your boobs, right? They are a factor in your physical attractiveness, right? So why does it upset you when she finds them attractive? Is it because it’s a work environment? Do you feel this way when anyone looks at them?

    2. Why does it upset you to the point that you want to cry?

    Just curious why boob-staring is more upsetting than complimenting.

    peter

    • Yes, it bothers me because we are in a work environment. And as I mentioned in the post, it would bother me if ANYONE did it.

      And boob staring does not even compare to complimenting, one is degrading one is not.
      -G

      • G,

        Sorry…I missed the part where you said you’d feel this way if *anyone* did it.

        Why is looking at boobs degrading? What about looking at your hair? Or your legs? Or your butt? Are any/all of those things degrading? Are any/all of those things flattering?

        I posted something a while ago about physical beauty. I find it interesting how arbitrary we (people in general) are about what we find attractive. And in this instance, where the line is between flattery and degradation with respect to reacting to attractiveness.

        You write often about wanting to find a “hot” guy. You look at guys’ body parts to determine their hotness, right? Is that different from other people looking at your boobs?

        peter

  2. Johanna says:

    I don’t understand why you think you are not attractive.Also why was it necessary for you to text Anth about all that what happened during the training?
    Check this –
    Do I Work on My Looks?
    Do you pay attention to your looks?
    http://www.3smartcubes.com/pages/tests/looks/looks_instructions.asp

    • At what point in that post did I say I didn’t think I was attractive? Anth is one of my best friends, I knew he would think it was funny, and I tell him everything much like I tell Lucky everything. Do you not talk to your friends about things that happen to you?
      -G

  3. Peter,

    What the fuck is your problem? I’m not going to speak for Gizzy, as she can clearly speak for herself.

    However, I don’t think Gizzy is alone when she says someone staring at her breasts makes her feel uncomfortable. I don’t appreciate it when someone gawks at my breasts or my butt.

    Legs and hair? We live in a world where we can show certain things off and not others. So no, I don’t walk around naked. I keep my butt, breasts, and most often my legs hidden, so others won’t see them. That’s what happens in a free country, we do as we please.

    And no, when I’m interested in a guy I do not stare at his penis or his chest.

    I think it’s rude to stare in any situation.

    Awesome, I have a nice body. Any gentleman, or woman, would and has said to me, “I’m sorry if this is out of line, but you have a great body.”

    And that’s that. Have some tact, Peter.

    -L

  4. L,

    I’m sorry…I’m not trying to stir anything up. And I’m not saying the G is wrong for feeling uncomfortable–her feelings are her feelings. I really am just curious about the thinking.

    I actually wrote something wrong above: G never wrote “stare”, that was me. I should’ve written “looking”. Say it’s a passing glance, a “check-out” glance…is that acceptable?

    Everyone notices stuff. I agree, staring is rude. Noticing is at least a little flattering, right?

    BTW, if it really was “staring”, then I totally see why G would feel uncomfortable, especially at work (although I’m still curious why that would make you want to cry, G).

    peter

    • Ditto to Lucky’s entire response.

      Obviously it was more than a “glance” to get me to write an entire blog about it, it was enough of a stare/look to make me feel uncomfortable and that’s all that matters, not the terminology of it.

      And I want to restate that finding a “hot” guy does not intail looking at his junk. I also believe I’ve given multiple explanations on various posts describing what I consider hot, including physicality and personality traits. And when I say these things I’m also not looking for them in my co-workers.

      The crying thing was half a joke. Clearly I didn’t run off and cry about this but yes sometimes when people feel degraded its upsetting and makes you want to cry, what’s so freaking intriguing about that?
      -G

  5. G,

    The intriguing part to me is that you feel more degraded (which I can see making you want to cry, whether you do or not) than pissed off (which probably wouldn’t make you want to cry) by someone staring at your boobs.

    G & L: Please accept my apologies if I stepped over the line with my questions. I’ve greatly enjoyed reading your blog over the last few months. Given the frankness of your writing, I felt that my questions were pretty much fair game. You are very detailed and honest about your feelings in these posts–I was just trying to understand them better with my questions. However, if you think my questions were out of line (which it seems like you do), then I’m happy going back to being a loyal reader who doesn’t comment.

    peter

  6. The woman probably wasn’t even staring. You did say you had big boobs, maybe they were just hard to miss?

  7. Stephen says:

    Boob-staring definitely sucks. But um, even before this girl started staring at your boobs, don’t you think it’s a little generalizing to just call her “The Lesbian”? Wouldn’t you dislike it if someone called you by a nickname that picked out just one identifying characteristic of yours – like maybe they called you “The Boobs” or something. And is there any chance that you could be projecting? Clearly you are a little fixated on the mere fact that this girl is a lesbian, and so any boob-glances that happened may have stood out more in your mind than if someone else had done it.

    • Obviously I don’t refer to this girl as “The Lesbian” at work or to her face. So if someone wants to refer to me as “The Boobs” on an anonymous blog then that’s perfectly fine with me, because chances are I won’t even know.

      But, something I didn’t mention in the blog is that this girl every 2 seconds is saying something pointing to the fact that she is a lesbian. And if she didn’t do that and I noticed her looking at my boobs I probably wouldn’t have thought much of it. But the fact that she brings up being a lesbian literally every 5 minutes and then stares at my boobs makes me make that connection and refer to her by the identifying characteristic that she actually gave herself.
      -G

  8. Lol, no I was not there. Funny Blog btw.

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