Back to you.

Months ago, in April, I told you about my friend Josh.

After that little fallout we had, we didn’t talk for a long time. I made it clear he was rude to me and I wasn’t going to put up with that bullshit any longer.

In the last month, we’ve started talking some, being friends again I suppose.

Josh is back together with this girl…I call her Paris.

Josh met Paris during his previous job. He was interviewing her for some magazine or story or something and he asked her out. She said yes, and they dated for a few months. Then, Josh dumped her. All of his friends, including me, were shocked. He was obsessed with this chick.

I had (and still have) only met Paris once. And it wasn’t good. She was with Josh one day, tailgating (something Josh never did pre-Paris), so I invited them over to our spot.

They arrived, I introduced myself, and offered her a proper beverage. She said no, she wasn’t drinking. Uhhhh what’s the point of tailgating then?

Anyway, she helped herself to the free food, couldn’t find a place to sit or a table, so she put her plate on the hood of some random car and proceded to saw through a barbecued chicken breast.

I thought it was pretty rude, but whatever.

But then, like I said, they broke up. And we all asked Josh what happened.

He just said he didn’t think there was enough there—that she was boring, that she wasn’t bringing anything to the table.

Later, he told us some story about how she went off on him for going to a football game without her one time. Who knows.

But it wasn’t long before Josh and Paris were back together and all was right with the world.

That is, until he dumped her again.

I met Josh for dinner shortly after this happened, and he said it was so difficult for him to dump her that he went to a counselor. He said, at first, he thought he just hated his job, so nothing else (not even her) could make him happy…but then he realized that it just wasn’t right. Paris was about to graduate from law school and he knew she was going to want marriage soon…and he didn’t want to marry her, so he thought breaking up with her was doing her a favor.

He also told me that she had a Tacori app on her phone that would allow you to (using the camera portion) “try on” different styles of engagement rings, and then take a picture of your own hand wearing the ring.

No comment.

Well, since Josh and I are trying to be friends again, I asked him about Paris. And I’m sure you’re not shocked to hear that they’re pretty much back together. I had heard this from a mutual friend of Josh and I’s, which is why I asked in the first place.

The friend told me they were full on back together and going to get married.

But when I asked Josh about it, he was just like…oh we are taking it one day at a time…

I was all, well if you get back together you will have to marry her, right?

And eventually, he said, “yeah. But I thought about it, and I’m pretty okay with that.”

“That’s great,” I said.

“I don’t know how it is for girls, but for guys it’s like…there comes a time when you say goodbye to the bad shit you used to do,” he said.

“I don’t think you did to much bad stuff,” i said.

“You know like…going out, getting wasted, inviting your friend Lucky to sleep over…” he said.

“Yeah I got you,” I said.

“I don’t mean to say you were anything bad, by the way…in fact, some times with you were almost too good, but that’s another conversation for another day,” he said.

I didn’t continue or respond to this subject…I quickly changed it, in fact. I wasn’t pissed, but seriously? You just told me how you’re basically going to marry this chick and then you make a comment about how times we had were “almost too good”? Give me a fucking break. I cannot tell you how annoying it is for guys to be a huge douche when you actually like them, and then later, sometimes years later, turn around and admit they had it really fucking good.

So Paris is mediocre? Great. Because that’s what you fucking deserve.

GAH!

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