It’s here! The long awaited story of Sweater Vest! I’m sure you guys are all on the edge of your seats in anticipation…
The year was 2007, also known as the year I got dumped by Douchearoo for no good reason. School was in full swing and I was out with Dina one night drowning my sorrows in a vat of vodka tonics. I’m standing at the bar sobbing when her friend who I knew of but had never officially met walks up, and that friend’s name is Sweater Vest.
We all chatted for a few, I told him, much like I told everyone in the fall of 2007, my sob story about Douchearoo and how I was heartbroken. He reacted the same way most strangers would/did, bought me a shot and gave me a pat on the back, I said I needed to go home and cry so I left.
Not 1 hour later I got a text from a number I didn’t know… “Hey this is Dina’s friend Sweater Vest (not yet called Sweater Vest), you should come back to the bar and hang out with me!” Or something of those sorts. I didn’t reply until the next day and I don’t really remember how it happened…. but we started dating.
He was a good on paper guy, he was going to be an aeronautical engineer (and is one now), he didn’t live close to the bars, his ex-girlfriend was 2 hours away, and he was really, really, nice.
One of the first times I did meet him out at the good ol college bar he walked in and I spotted him from across the bar, I hid under the table because he was wearing a sweater vest. At a bar. He eventually found me and forced me to take this photo:
I mean I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that bad and I was just looking for things to find wrong with him. But every time I saw him after that he wore sweater vests just to bug me, hence the name, Sweater Vest. The funny part is that Lucky and I actually called him Sweater Vest when we talked about him, I’m not even sure she knows his actual name.
Anyway, we casually dated for a few months until Douchearoo decided he’d take me back (I’m embarrassed just saying this). I was out with the D-Roo one night when Sweater Vest approached and was all, “Gizzy, what are you doing? He’s a DOUCHE! Just walk away from him and come hang out with me.” Then I went off on the poor guy, basically saying he didn’t know me and just needed to step off, I loved Douchearoo and I was going to do what I wanted and he needed to know his role and get out of my business.
We didn’t talk for a good year after that. After Douchearoo and I were long over and I was on to Bi-Polar Ex I finally saw Sweater Vest out. Obviously I was embarrassed about how I had acted a year prior so I just ran passed him, said “Hi how are you?” And went on my merry little way. Sweater Vest has made it a point to tell me Happy Birthday every year since then and I’m pretty much the biggest bitch in the world.
I found out that after I told him off he got back together with his ex that lived 2 hours away. Then they moved to Miami together. THEN, he started texting me again last Christmas to see how I was doing and alas a few months ago I found out he just moved to The Big City. Now, he’s all on Dina telling her to set something up so we can all hang out. So that’s supposed to go down on Friday, everyone get excited!
I mean, yeah, if I was a smart girl I would put the fact that I’m not that attracted to him aside and
date marry him. He is a cute guy, but he’s not my type (by that I mean he’s not a raging Douche, obvi that’s what I like), and doesn’t get me going like that… if ya know what I mean. Because clearly the guy would treat me like a queen since he’s still the nicest guy ever to me after I treated him like shit. But I just can’t make myself do it. I’ll hang out with him and I might even throw him a drunken make out or pity date him for a few months again. But I won’t like it!