A few weeks ago Lucky and I had the idea to do a Q & A with our twitter friend, the absolutely hilarious, founder of the website CrassECards, and she agreed to do it! You’ve probably noticed we retweet her sayings more than we tweet our own thoughts, but what can ya do? The girl is funny and we can always use more funny in our lives. After reading through her answers to the questions we asked I want her to be my real life friend, which might be creepy, but I’m keeping it. She sent her answers with the greeting, “Hey Vaginas!” which wins a top spot in my book everyday. But, before we get into the good stuff, I’m not that smart and didn’t know what crass meant, so for those of you who are also not that smart, you’re welcome:
crass [kras] adjective, -er, est.
Without refinement, delicacy, or sensitivity; gross; obtuse, stupid.
All of my favorite words, without further ado I present to you: an effing hilarious Q & A with the writer and founder of CrassECards
Check it out or I WILL CUT YOU.
1. How & when did you start CrassECards?
Prior to spending my days writing equal opportunity offending humor, I worked with and on behalf of elected representatives and non-profits that provided services to some of the San Francisco Bay Area’s most challenging neighborhoods. But when the economy went to pooh the resources that supported my work vanished so I had to figure out what to do with myself. For Christmas in ’09 I gifted myself the DVD 500 Days of Summer and when I got home I read the jacket on the back of it and the first sentence said Joseph Gordon Levitt ‘s character was a greeting card writer and I immediately thought, “hey I could do that.” Instead of watching the movie that night I sat down and started writing cards. The problem was they all came out kind incredibly sarcastic. So I gave up my dream of Hallmark discovering me, a dream that had only begun about 15 minutes earlier, and decided to start Crass. I launched this current version in March of this year.
2. Do you have a favorite card (or two)?
Picking a favorite card is like trying to decide which boob you like better. Actually it’s not like that at all. My left boob is slightly bigger and, unlike my right one, knows going nipple gets a girl a free round. That being unnecessarily said I’ve written more than 2,000 jokes for 50 different occasions but I’d say these are a few of my favorite:
GOOD LUCK: Good luck on your date.
Here’s hoping it doesn’t end in rape
ENCOURAGEMENT: I wish I could lift your spirits
But not only are you a loser, your spirit weighs like athousand pounds
FRIEND: You’re like a sister to me
My fat, suicidal sister that calls too much
3. By the sayings on your cards, we assume you’re hilarious—does that humor come across in person?
You know what happens when you assume, you make an ass out of yourself and it bugs the hell out of me. That’s how that saying goes, right? ONLY KIDDING! If you were to ask a few of my friends I think funny would probably be one of the first three adjectives they’d use to describe me.
Is it that obvious that I’m single? I don’t actually walk around hating everybody, as my cards suggest. I love dark beer and watching sports AND I have very little hair on my body so I think guys get the best of both worlds. PLUS I’ve got that slightly larger left boob going for me so guys are busy concentrating on that. To my knowledge, sarcasm has never been an issue.
5. Are any (or all) of the cards based from real life situations?
The Mother’s Day e-cards are the only ones based on any one in my life. Read those and then you’ll understand why I’m a cutter.
6. Are there any subjects you just won’t touch?
Nope. I don’t write cards for the sake of being mean or degrading they’re really all just jokes. If someone finds something offensive I recommend they check out another card category and laugh at someone else’s expense. Muslims, Jews, the Chinese, Mexicans, African Americans, the United States of America and Uz Beki Beki Stan Stan…everybody gets it.
I try to surround myself with people who work for companies that have perks like “employee discounts” and those people aren’t usually the comedic types so I write Crass jokes all by myself. I do, however, encourage Crass’ users to submit their “Daily Crass,” which is just a relatable daily rant about something, so I can post it on the homepage for the world to enjoy. I also have a section called “User Cards” where people can write as many cards as they want, select the occasion and I’ll upload them onto the site.
8. Do you ever get messages from crazy fans/followers with card ideas? If so, what’s the craziest you’ve gotten so far?
I’ve received a handful or so of some really bad jokes but it’s all good in the hood. It makes me feel like people are paying attention and want to get in on the Crassiness so that’s awesome.
9. Do you ever get e-card writers block and how do you work through it to bring the funny out?
When I get writer’s block I usually get naked and look at myself in the mirror. A million negative thoughts flood my mind and at that point it’s just about figuring out how to work them into a joke about Kwanzaa or Bastille Day or something.
I would really love for millions of people to visit Crass everyday and buy Crass t-shirts and phone apps and printed cards all because they think it’s super funny and a great site to go to and just waste a good hour, hour and half reading a thousand funny one-liners. Oh and I want CBS to develop a show called Sh#! My E-Cards Say.
11. Do you have any celebrity followers that have retweeted your e-cards? Who would you most like to see your e-cards and retweet them?
I’d LOOVE for a celebrity to follow me re-tweet an e-card. But what I’d love even more is for one of them to become my partner or co-founder. I imagine changing the name of the site to “From the writer of 40 Year-old Virgin and Knocked Up…CrassECards” or “Tyler Perry Presents…CrassECards.” I’d also be willing to change Crass to “Krass” to get Mama Kardashian interested and then I could get a 2-hour special on E. I also think it’s a perfect fit for Bethenny Frankel of Bravo fame. I’ve already got the stick figure mascot (which can be replaced with your Facebook profile picture) so all we’d have to do is change it to “Skinny Crass.” (Editors Note: Would Kelsey Grammer Presents…CrassECards work? He follows us on twitter, we’ve got the hookup.)
12. Any final thoughts that we can all take away to live life more like a funny e-card?
On Crass when you “Click Here” to see the punch line of an e-card sarcastic confetti also appears so I’d suggest walking around with confetti in your back pocket and throwing it out whenever you make fun of some one to their face. They’ll be distracted by the pretty colors and you’ll get a head start as you run away.
And there you have it. CrassECards also donates 75% of all revenue generated to non-profit organizations. She’s funny and helps the world. Stop being a debbie downer, do your part, and go click some links so she can help save starving children and drug addicts.