Our grown up Christmas list.

It’s Christmas Eve Eve! One of my favorite holidays of the year…

I know most of you probably have the day off, or perhaps you’re already traveling to your holiday destination…But I just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you without a Christmas post of some sort.

Since writing a Christmas list is one of my favorite pastimes, here it is—Lucky & Gizzy’s Holiday Wish List 2011:

This year, I wish:

  • John Mayer would finally text me, confess his undying love for me, then bake me a cake asking me to marry him on it. In the icing.
  • I would win the lottery. And that it would be tax-free.
  • I could meet Gavin DeGraw.
  • That a new job opportunity would arise. To be Justin Bieber’s manager.
  • I could learn how to play the guitar. Overnight.
  • BEX’s apartment would collapse. With him inside.
  • I could be a co-host for Live With Kelly.
  • I could be a cover model. That’s it.
  • I would wake up in Europe. With this guy:
  • That I could get an invite. Tonight. To this party:

If you really want to know, I asked for a pair of sweat pants of Victoria’s Secret this year. That’s how fucking lazy and pathetic I am. I also thought long and hard about what I REALLY REALLY wanted under my tree this year. My answer? A gift from John Mayer was the one thing I wanted. So, I bought myself a gift, wrapped it, and put on the tag “To Lucky, From John Mayer.”

This year I wasn’t sad about being single, so you know that’s all I can ask for.  I’m happy being a lonely old spinster and next year I’m going to get a few dozen cats and well, then I’ll be ready to die.

But if you’re going to twist my arm, I also wish:

  • For world peace and to end hunger  (There I said it, now I totes deserve the rest of the things on my list because I am a good person.)
  • To come home from vacation and have my car be stolen, same goes for that frat house I live in.
  • That my family didn’t think it was necessary to put everything we own in the attic while we are away on vacation.  They are just sure someone is going to break in to steal Ella’s American Girl Dolls.
  • For High School Crush to make a move so we can get married already, if I can’t have this I’d like for Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes to breakup so that I can have him to make me feel better.
  • To wake up Christmas morning and be famous.  And rich.
  • That we get a babillion hits this month.  Or that we get freshly pressed, we stopped cussing so much for that shit!
  • That people don’t notice when I start to slowly incorporate an Australian accent into my speech.
  • That I don’t kill my family on this vacation we’re on.
  • That the Chipmunks from Alvin and the Chipmunks would come to life and be my friends/slaves.
  • My friend who has a record deal would write a theme song to my life, record it, and help me make the video for it.  Just so that when I’m feeling down about myself I can watch it and be like OHH HAHA that’s right, that is my life.
I really did ask for all those things this year.  But not from my parents, from Jesus.  I typically don’t make a Christmas list for my parents because they always hand me wads of cash on Christmas and call it day. And you know what, money can buy happiness, so keep it comin rentals.  So when I do ask for something I always ask Jesus to hook a sistah up because he’s The Man, and I only ask for things that will legitimately make me cooler a better person for mankind.

Done and Done.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukuh, and a Joyous Kwanzaa to all (you little jerks)!

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