Lucky’s timeline featuring Gizzy.

A few weeks ago, I added timeline on my Facebook profile. Needless to say, I was a little worried about what the past would present…but then all I saw were literally posts from Gizzy. No, seriously.

And, I figured (well, I hoped) you would get a chuckle out of it, because truth be told, Gizzy and I have been friends for a long time, and it’s always been hilarious. The proof is in the…timeline?

GIZZY–November 28, 2004:

LUCKY BABY!! I miss you. I am sooooo excited for you to come home for Christmas. I’m excited to meet Nicole too! We definately need to rent SIMS and be super big dorks like we are and stay up all night and play it then have a sex and the city marathon and eat taco bell. I love summer, even though we are losers and sit around and do nothing. OK I hope thanksgiving was the shit. call me! LOVE YA! – gizzy

GIZZY–December 10, 2004

boys suck.

GIZZY–February 9, 2005

Hey Luck-way to go on hookin up with that band guy-don’t you worry about ELVIRA-go for it! Luv ya- Gizzy {ed. note: this is Gizzy’s way of trying to stir up shit}

GIZZY–March 28, 2005

i love it when we’re so drunk we get sick!! — its pretty much my favorite thing. — those new green shades HOT HOT HOTTTT

GIZZY–April 8, 2005

i love you wifey.. muah! 4 weeks!!!!! BAAAAAAH!

GIZZY–April 27, 2005

i want to have sex with that picture {she is referring to a picture of me with the one and only Ryan Cabrerra}

GIZZY–April 29, 2005

i know i write on your wall everyday but i’m your wife and i’ll do what i want damnit…are you ready for the luckz-er and gizzle o-summer 2k5?….
2am tbell runs – SIMS party – wastefaces in my living room on random nights – the L word – the lake – drive bys – the county fair (joke) – sex and the city all night long – our not yet known hotties – shopping – working our asses off – teaching the Ella cuss words – margarita parties in my yard & on your back porch – CI-GARS – florida – red lobster – dance party infront of the window… and this is only the beginning …

…prepare yourself for the best fucking summer of your life

GIZZY–May 3, 2005

im sorry i had to.. summer is just too close

GIZZY–May 17, 2005

hey remember when we had been home for the summer for 2 days and almost got arrested for minor consumption. that was awesome. {’tis true.}

GIZZY–June 28, 2005

tru dat… parents can suck my non-exsistant dick {I’d really like to know what this is about}

GIZZY–August 21, 2005

shawwwwwwdaaaay…… what it is hoe

GIZZY–August 26, 2005

Ring Ring….
…… and the rest is history that we don’t remember. baha

GIZZY–September 18, 2005

where’s my boooobie!? i miss you… only a few more weeks till party time!!!

p.s. i blew a .33 last night… wheeew

GIZZY–September 26, 2005

True friendship:

1. When you are sad – I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue – I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile – I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared – I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried – I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused – I will use little words.

7. When you are sick – Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

8. When you fall – I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

i miss you!!!!

GIZZY–October 4, 2005

My Lucky baby!!!!! I am so excited for friday.. i got you some presents and such haha. We’re gonna be WASTED!!!!! AHHH!!!! You gotta tell Adam to find me some hotties before I get there. I hope you have a safe flight MUAH!

I LOVE YOU! {Adam was my boyfriend at the time who can now rot in hell, thanks}

GIZZY–October 16, 2005

hey yes actually i did hear and i think you’re fabulous, i’d like to father your children if that’s ok.

GIZZY–October 31, 2005

i been missin my boooobie.

GIZZY–November 14, 2005

im in need of a little boobage. 4 weeks baby, 4 weeks!

GIZZY–November 23, 2005

im so pumped for l-word sims and af hotties!!!!!!!! ahh and the countdown begins! we will make this the greatest xmas break EVER!!

GIZZY–December 1, 2005

boooooobaaaaay! 15 days!!! I’m looking into a portable tv/playstation 2 so we can watch the L-word and play SIMS on our drive back. it’d be a wise investment…… KICK ASS ON THOSE FINALS!!
ps happy anniversary 1 month with you my 1 year anniversary with myself is coming up this week too! we’re so lucky!

GIZZY–December 2, 2005

we’re probably the most stable couple i know. go us! — 2 weeks baby!!! 2 weeks!!

Gizzy–December 8, 2005

basically im so excited ill probably fail all my finals. 8 days boobilicious… 8 days!

p.s. we could totally beat some fugly bitch ass {Adam, if you’re reading this, we’re talking about your wife that you met when WE were together. Asshole}

GIZZY–December 15, 2005

in less than 12 hours i’ll be leaving this shit hole sorority house i live in to come down. loook out….. see you TOMORROW!!!!!

GIZZY–December 18, 2005

so lets recap my visit with you…
-that truck you make to the union and bank hah
-mine and darlas 4 hour nap
-weirdos ashing on our shoes trying to spit some game
-a little sippy sippy of the champagne in your car
-thinking its cold when in reality its about 50 degrees colder at home

-my obsession with wanting to make out with the hot bouncer as soon as we walked in.. no that one with the red sweat band on haha
-the 20+ drinks we consumed together
-teaching me the hop dance on the stage
-the 33 year old CBS tv worker that bought us drinks
-that hot af fierce smelling guy you know
-the creepo getting your “number” .. again
-the other creepo that was dancing on you while i laughed hystarically and you got pissed
-me telling the other creepo that i wouldnt dance with you if i were him and then him trying to dance with me and the “NO NO NO” and the push and shove came out
-me you and joselyn dancing on the stage for hours
-free yager shots that we didnt get
-your wasted ass guy friend that was so drunk we couldn’t even understand him
-you and joselyn shoving me toward the hot bouncer as we left screaming “just make out with him! you’ll never see him again!”

post bars:
-joselyn and i egging guys on to fight in the parking lot
-the entire sharade that went on in your backseat
-me screaming about buttcracks out the car window
-you driving to the wrong apartment
-us peeing in some random parking lot
-you guys freaking out about locking the doors while peeing in the random ass parking lot, to find out my door is standing wide open
-the picture of us peeing in the parking lot
-me falling from drunkenness in the pee
-you peeing on your pants
-you and joselyn stealing candy canes while i kicked objects down the stairs
-hoarding chocolate in your room
-continuing to drink champagne when we got back after that girl saw me sneak it in
-randomly passing out

the drive home:
-knowing that there were dead bodies across the street from the gas station
-the hottie
-the endless carroling
-martin and darla along for the ride
-your car so full we couldn’t move
-your grandmas house
-your grandma telling you that youl ike your coffee just like your men hot and black

and oh so much more….

*     *     *

Aaaand that was just 2005, folks…you’ll have to fasten your seat belts for further editions of Lucky’s timeline featuring Gizzy.

Don’t forget to join me TONIGHT as I bash The Bachelor and all his crazy hoes. Follow me on Twitter @cocktailsattiff and use #thebachelor to make fun of it all!

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One thought on “Lucky’s timeline featuring Gizzy.

  1. Tehehe! This is so funny! Maybe when facebook forces me to make a timeline I’ll write a similar post and we’ll get a better understanding of what some of that crazy shit means bahah!

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