3rd times a charm?

I should warn you that if you’re looking for some LOLZ today, this is not the place for you.  I’m about to get into some tres heavy shit.  However, I would appreciate all of your advice 🙂 love yas!

Remember my friend Betty, the one who tried to eff things up with HSC while inadvertainly making me feel good about my own life because hers is so messed up? The saga continues…

Wednesday after work I came home to find a text from Betty, “I started drinking at 4 with browniesp.”  I wrote back saying, “Huh? Why are you drinking with brownies.” And she called.

Before I even had time to say hello she said, “Do you have a beer in your hand? Cause you might want to get one. I’m about to drop a bomb on you.” A phrase that is all too familiar coming from Betty.  Knowing I would need it, I grabbed a beer from the fridge and told her to drop away.

She started by saying her and her boyfriend’s credit wasn’t approved for the house they are trying to buy.  But they only needed to improve it by 40 points and then they could get it with no problem, her plan was to have her ex husband take her off accounts she didn’t sign off on that he had delinquent payments for.  “Then my credit will go up, and we can get it.”  Being the financial connoisseur that I am, I know that it will take years to get those things off her credit report.  But I had a feeling that wasn’t the giant bomb so I agreed and let her lie to herself that they’d be able to buy it before the summer.

Then she proceeds to tell me that her boyfriend told her he had been looking at rings, planned to buy one, and was going to propose this spring when they took a trip to the West Coast.  So my response? “Wow, why would he tell you that, it should be a surprise!” Her response? “Well, mother fucker got me knocked up.” Then the conversation continued as follows:

Gizzy: What, what, what? Oh my god.  Oh my god. Oh my god.

Betty: Yeah, we were going to get married in a few weeks.  But, I’m drunk right now, so obviously I’m not keeping it.  Oh and it’s twins. So now we’re thinking this summer.

Gizzy: Oh my god.  Twins? Oh my god.  Oh my god.  Oh my god.  Oh my god.

Betty: Yeah, we decided that we want to buy a house and travel.  I want to do things right this time, you know get married THEN have a baby.  Traveling and getting a house just seems like more fun.

Then, you know the conversation when on a little more and I just kept saying oh my god. 

While I was talking to her I couldn’t really process what was going on and it took talking to Lucky about it to calm me down and really get a grasp on what was happening.

A little backstory that I’ve never mentioned during any of Betty’s drama.  This will be Betty’s 3rd abortion, and she has 1 child.  Back in college she had her first, then she had her second when her and her now ex-husband were on the rocks and her daughter was a little over a year old, and then now she’s going to have another one because she wants to have fun.  When she had the first two she didn’t tell me about it until after the procedure was over.  The first time I was the only person that knew, other than her parents and the baby’s father.  With the second, she told me, her husband, and one other friend.  But this time she said other than her boyfriend I am the only one she’s telling.

I told Lucky all about it, how it didn’t seem to really have an impact on Betty at all.  She didn’t seem upset or worried, she was just kind of whatever about it.  It also didn’t seem as though Betty had thought it all the way through.  Having an abortion is just always the solution to her and she doesn’t think it’s a big deal. 

Don’t get me wrong, both Lucky and I are pro-choice.  It’s her body, her family, she can do what she wants and I will support her.  But it becomes a problem when she is doing it excessively.  And she is. 

Instead of using birth control, she just gets an abortion.  She’s told me numerous times that she doesn’t want to be on birth control because it makes her crazy and fat.  Which to me, is no excuse, especially since there are many alternative birth control methods to the pill that don’t make you crazy and fat, like OH condoms.  But you know what, I’m not here to lecture, she is a grown ass woman and obviously knows that sex makes babies.

Anyway, I was telling Lucky that since I am the only person she is telling about this and I assume that I am the only person that knows about all 3 abortions, I feel like it’s my responsibility to say something and ask her, how are you going to make sure this doesn’t happen again?  Since obviously having to go through this awful procedure isn’t enough to knock some sense into her, I’ll have to do it.

Lucky brought up a good point, that clearly Betty doesn’t realize the risks associated with having an abortion, let alone 3, and childbirth.  Sure, right now she is fertle mertle, but what about after she has this procedure done?  Her and her boyfriend DO want to have children someday.  But what if this is it?  Things go wrong, and abortion procedures are shady, she may not be able to have children after this.  It doesn’t seem like the thought of not being able to get pregnant has occurred to her, simply because she has been pregnant 4 times and is only 26.

I also find it hard to believe she doesn’t really want the babies. She was just telling me not 2 months ago that her and her boyfriend were talking about having kids.  She wanted want now (back then) and he wanted to wait, so they were waiting.  I can see that she is probably afraid he will up and leave her in the middle of the night (which is what I told Lucky not a week ago before I knew about any of this would probably happen) and then she’ll be left with a 4 year old and twin babies.  So maybe she is letting him make the call because she doesn’t want to lose him.  I honestly don’t know. 

What I do know is that I can’t sit here and let her do this for a 3rd time without making sure she has really thought it through. 

Let me be straight here, I am not trying to change her mind or talk her out of anything, I’m not here to judge her or be anything but supportive – but for the sake of my friend, her family, her unborn children, and my own mental health I want to make sure she really knows what she’s doing.  I know that if I say the wrong thing to her or come at her with the wrong attitude this could be the end of our friendship, so I am really thinking about this before I say anything.

Any advice, concerns, personal stories anyone has that will help please feel free to share.  I know it’s a touchy subject, so if you’d like to share something privately feel free to send us an email cocktailsattiffanys@gmail.com.  I appreciate all the advice I can get!

 

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8 thoughts on “3rd times a charm?

  1. Go Gizzy! You’re being a good friend and you’ve got Betty’s best interest at heart—something she might not have in return.

    I’m certain you’ll find the right things to say to her in her time of obvious need.

    -L

  2. Matthew says:

    Wow. Tough situation indeed. Hard as it may be, just be honest with her and let her know your concerns regarding the frequency in which she’s had this procedure and the possible ramifications it could have on her future (and potential for having kids later).

    That many times I’m sure has not only had a physical influence on her but probably some level of an emotional one too.

    Though I don’t know Betty at all, could it be that she’s down-playing the extreme that this decision is actually taking on her?

  3. I had a long, complicated answer, so I just emailed you.

    You’re a great friend, Gizzy.

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