Gizzy & I are pretty freaking pumped to share a three-part series with you, the Q & A with Just Married Girl!
If you haven’t met Gina, she is pretty much our go-to gal for life advice, and she’s awesome. She’s like us, only better, and married, with a cute baby boy. So we racked her brain for answers to our most passionate, burning questions and she came through with some helpful answers. Check out her blog here, and get comfortable for a good interview!
How did you know Mike was “The One?”
This is going to sound silly, but I knew from the moment we met that there was something special and different about Mike. We’d only been dating a week when I told my aesthetician that he was “the one.” Then a few months later, even though things were going along just fine, I began to panic. All of my other relationships were failures, so why would this one work?
Mike and I are compatible on a lot of levels. Sure, we love seeing movies and we love to travel, but we have more in common than just our interests. The way we see the world–the way we feel about life, love, family, politics, religion–these things are all in sync. Not only do our temperaments work well together, but we have similar energy levels, too. When I feel like sitting on the couch and being lazy, chances are, he would like to do the same. If he suggests a trip into
the city for dinner or to see a show, I think it’s a great idea. Though I believe that each half of a couple should have his or her own thing, in my experience, it’s a high priority to be more alike than different when it comes to relationships.
Lastly, there was nothing “wrong” between us. Sure, I was a commitment-phobe who spent unnecessary time worrying that it would all fall apart, but once I calmed down and learned to have fun and stop obsessing, I was ready to see that there were no major warnings or problems in our relationship. In fact, it was rather easy. Mike is kind, good-natured, generous, funny, smart and he’s interested in the world around him. He is loving and supportive, and we have the best time together. Plus, he’s a super dad. There really is no other person for me, and I’m glad I finally realized it!
You’ve told us before that you dated some “wrong” guys in your 20s, how did you make the transition from the wrong to the right type of guys, and how did you know they were the right type of guys?
I’d say spotty self-esteem and a serious case of denial were the two biggest culprits in my unsuccessful relationships. I was behaving as though I didn’t deserve better, and this lead to occasions where I spent way too long with someone who was all wrong for me. I’m not even sure I was conscious of what I was doing or feeling at the time, but I know that I should have parted ways with several guys after one or two dates instead of letting it drag on for weeks, months, or (painfully) years.
Also, I would ignore warning signs that could have saved me a lot of time and energy. In some cases, my instincts were telling me to
move on five minutes through the first conversation. Other times, red flags arose later. In both cases, I decided to ignore what I knew to be true and tried to make things work (in my mind) because I was infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship. Maybe the guy was cute and I was disappointed that he was such a colossal jerk, or maybe, I just wanted someone to go to the movies with, but in every case, I should have moved on as soon as I realized that there was some kind of deal breaker in the way (i.e. “I still live with my ex-girlfriend, but we’re just friends.” Um, no. Next!)
The right guys were genuine, kind-hearted, considerate and easy to be with. This is what most girls refer to as “the nice guy.” A first instinct would be to deny any kind of feeling for this guy because he’s just too sweet (read: dull). Instead of dismissing the nice guy, give him a real once over. Don’t confuse lack of drama with lack of a spark. It might take a few dates/long phone conversations, but often, the good guy you should have dated for years is the one that you
thought was “just a friend”. You won’t realize this until much, much later, of course.
When you were a little girl, what did you think your life would be like in your mid-twenties and in your thirties?
When I was a little girl, I thought I would be a famous actress/writer in my thirties. I thought I’d be a multi-talented celebrity with excellent clothes and at least one Academy Award. I must have practiced that speech a million times.
I must have thought I would be married with kids, but this was more because every adult seemed to be have these things. In fact, I didn’t realize it was something to worry about. I just thought that everyone got older and got married, just as easily as a they might go out to buy a gallon of milk. It wasn’t a concern of my mid to late twenties, really.
If you could’ve done one thing differently while you were dating, what would it be?
In my dating life, I wish I (a) paid attention to warning signs and ended relationships that I knew in my heart would never work and (b) didn’t waste time worrying about not being married. I love being married, but since Mike and I got hitched a couple of years ago, life has handed us some difficulties. In our first year of marriage, I lost a pregnancy, Mike’s mom was diagnosed with cancer and passed away, and we lost the sale of our condo on the day of closing, thereby taking on two mortgages and losing a considerable amount of money once we found another buyer five months later. Sure we got through these things
together, but I have since learned that the challenges and low points in life don’t disappear just because I walked down the aisle. This is something about which I was naive in my dating life. I thought that the end of sadness/loneliness was over once that ring was slipped on my finger, but instead, I’ve added a new layer to my life, some of it wonderful (read: Jude) and some of it, not so much (see above).
If I could go back and shake some sense into my younger, single self, I’d tell her to stop worrying and to enjoy herself. That girl got two graduate degrees, traveled, and bought her own house. She was cool and happy, and she didn’t even know it.
Come back tomorrow for Part II! And don’t forget to join me, Luckster, TONIGHT as I bash The Bachelor via Twitter! So follow us, @cocktailsattiff and use #thebachelor to follow along in the fun!