Q & A with Just Married Girl part III.

Welp! Here it is, the FINAL installment of our Q & A with Just Married Girl…

Do you have any dating rules to live by?
Yes. The first thing that comes to mind is that popular Maya Angelou quote “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Don’t waste time with someone who isn’t worth your while or who is mean or hurtful or deceptive. No matter how your heart is breaking, if a person shows him or herself to be too dangerous for your heart, cut and run and don’t look back. You deserve better. Next, don’t count someone out because they’re “too nice,” or “there’s no immediate spark.” You might feel differently after you get to know one another, or maybe s/he knows your husband/wife.

It is okay to say, “Hey, free dinner (or movie),” here and there and accept a date with someone about whom you might not feel crazy. I know that sounds shallow and dishonest, but as I mentioned above, you never know. Sometimes it’s nice not to be lonely, as long as the guy/girl
isn’t an abusive, lying cheat. Then, buy your own dinner.

Finally, it might be old fashioned, but I believe that all correspondence should not take place via text. At some point, you have to have one of those really long phone calls where you share random stories and stay up laughing until 1 or 2 am even though you have to get up early the next morning.

 
Tell us about your worst breakup and how you got over it. 
The worst break-up was my college boyfriend. I was so in love that I was just blind with it. Looking back, he probably cheated with me on numerous occasions, but I never knew about it and would rather not know about it. I had a crush on him for a very long time, and though he asked me for my phone number at a party one night, he never called me. I put it out of my head and forced myself to forget about him until we ran into each other on campus one day. He ended up calling me that night, and then he invited me on a date. But I didn’t know it was a date. I thought it was just coffee. I pulled my hand away when he tried to hold it because i was so shocked. A week later, he asked me to come to a party at his house, and when I arrived, he stayed by my
side the entire night. It was very sweet, but after several weeks of this, he still wasn’t willing to commit. We hung out nearly every day, but he didn’t want to be my boyfriend. When I met another guy at the bookstore we started talking on the phone, my soon-to-be college boyfriend was so jealous, he scrapped his reluctance and asked me to be his girlfriend. I was elated.

After about eight months of dating, he started to get freaked out about our relationship, but instead of talking to me about it like a normal person, he started a fight with me and refused to talk to me for a full twenty-four hours. I was a wreck. Then, he broke into my house and stole something very serious from me with plans to return it before I awoke. I happened to wake up and absentmindedly look in on this thing, and when I noticed it was gone, I called the police. It
wasn’t until they arrived and I began to look around that I realized who it was that broke into my house. I was devastated and embarrassed and went home to my parents for a couple of weeks. I ended up missing several classes, and I lost a lot of weight. Everything hurt: eating, breathing, thinking. I just cried all the time.

Finally, I got it together and went back to school. All of my teachers (except for my art professor) were understanding, and I was able to make up the work. My ex was seeing another girl already (!), so I just tried to keep going. The problem was that I was behind in photography and needed help. The only person I knew who had taken the class was my ex, and like an idiot, I called him and asked him for help as a friend. He agreed, and we walked all through West Chester, taking pictures and having a great time. That night, he showed up at my house with a ten page letter apologizing for everything and asking to get
back together. He broke up with the other girl and was eager to have me forgive him. Like an idiot who was still very infatuated, I eventually took him back, and we were inseparable until the next fall when he broke up with me again. I dated a great guy in the meanwhile, but my heart still ached, and by spring, we were together yet again.

In another year and a half, we broke up for good.

In between that time, he wasn’t a particularly great boyfriend. He was good at large romantic gestures, but he was an irresponsible human being and he was more interested in having fun with his friends and God knows who else than he was spending time with me. I don’t doubt that we loved one another, perhaps in different ways, but we were woefully incompatible. It took a long time, but after a lot of crying and a lot of denial, I started dating again, and this helped me to get over my sadness. We’ve kept in touch off and on over the years, but when he asked me if I wanted to get together before he moved in with
his now-wife, and when he left me a voicemail the week before his wedding in what I guess was a bout of cold feet, I knew I was so much better off without him.

What’s funny is that I have zero animosity towards him now or any feelings really, despite everything. He has a hyper-normal job in a bank and has a wife and a son, and I can’t help but think of him as an old friend or distant family member. If I ran into him on the street, I’d stop to say hello, but it wouldn’t be awkward or painful or anything. I wish him well, and that’s about it. Maybe it’s because I’m happy where I ended up in life, and I’m sure that Mike is the one for me, and I guess I’ve realized that my experience with my college boyfriend was nothing more than a bump on the way and that my real love story started with Mike.

 
Now that you’re married, and a mother, what do you think of your single friends?
I guess it would depend on how they feel about their relationship statuses. If I have a friend who is single and loving life, then I’m happy for her because she has an awesome time. In contrast, if I have a single friend who is depressed because she still hasn’t found someone,  then I would feel sad along with her and try to be there for her or commiserate with my own stories of woe. Mostly, I just feel excited for my single friends because there’s so much possibility ahead of them. It’s fun to live vicariously through them and to hear all about their dating lives.

Same goes for my guy friends.

Awww yeah! We hope you enjoyed it!
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6 thoughts on “Q & A with Just Married Girl part III.

  1. Thanks so much, L + G! Love you both!!

    xx

  2. Great read, I liked all 3 parts.

  3. Great interview! I really like the Maya Angelou quote, too.

  4. Gina should be the one accepting these thank-yous, but we are so glad it was well-received!

    -L

  5. […] Cocktails at Tiffany’s Interview with Just Married Girl: “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”—Maya Angelou […]

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