If the stars were mine…

Last week, The Frisky released “Kiki T’s Astroguide” for 2012.

Two words: Hells. Yes.

First, let me say, that I’ve always been one to pay attention to my horoscope. My mom is into astrology, so maybe that’s where it comes from, but most of the time, it’s dead on. I’m a Cancer, to the T.

However, I don’t rely on my horoscope for everything, I just think it’s a fun extra.

Now that the logistics are out of the way, let’s get to the juice! For 2012, these are Kiki T’s predictions for Cancers:

ON LOVE:

You’ll be on your game in a more real way this year, as you’ll have a deeper way of looking at love. No longer is the sex your prime concern, or basing your feelings on the superficial aspects of one’s potential. Yes, this is the year you’ll know what you want more than ever and know how to be strategic in getting what you want. You won’t be shy about barking those demands in a sultry and domineering way that will put you in the hot seat of love! After all, nothing ventured and nothing gained, and with the humble approach only having gotten you so far, know that 2012 is the time to switch it up and get the passion flowing in a more extreme, obvious and linear way — and if this means playing bolder games, then so be it! It’s whatever keeps you interested that is your best bet in securing long lasting love or, at the least, deeply fulfilling lust. Either or, wear that heart on your sleeve with all the bells and whistles, because the emotion you put out will be directly the amount that’ll come back.

ON MADNESS:

Agreeing to disagree may sound easy enough, but when those you attract in your life seem to only speak whack, it’ll be hard to not want to demolish them with your words. No matter, as ultimately it’ll be the tension and the conflicts that will bring out the true tiger in you and have you raising the bar on your own level of confidence. Yes, even despite the night versus day mentality of those you will magnetize more of this year, you’ll have an overridingly sick fascination with these contrary personalities. Just like watching a car accident, you won’t be able to resist that darker side of yourself that can’t resist a challenge. However, it won’t be those obstacles you try to mount that will be what get you to stay, it’ll be what you find over those humps — and as they say, if only you can choose who you fall in love with.

ON OBSESSION:

This could be one of those trying years, as you’ll have to fight your own worst inner critic to move ahead even the smallest step. No matter, as paying attention to details is important. After all, it’s understanding the experiences that you’ve gone through that have made you who you are, and using those lessons that will help you the most now. However, that doesn’t mean you have to hold onto it all, as if that is all you’ve got or will get. The truth is, your freedom to make choices is on the line and if you don’t start exercising that more this year, it will atrophy. Sure, some of the decisions you’ll have to face will be asinine and can lead to immediate discord, but who cares, because it’ll be all yours to wheel and deal with and for you, that is how you’ll learn what will work best for you now. So while there are going be a few fast and extreme shifts bringing on several emotional feasts and famines, also know that these dramatic events will ultimately satiate and mature you like no other year has.

The parts in green are the ones I can totally see as true. As for that middle part, I’m not so sure. I think this sums up the goals I’ve got for this year, as far as love goes, and it’s nice to see them in writing. But wait, there’s a CHART, too!

Yeah, I know it’s kind of hard to see…but from the chart we can gather the following:

  • It says “SEX” in February, which is a complete crock of horse shit.
  • May is going to suck donkey ass, because there’s not a damn thing in it!
  • In August, things heat up with 2 opportunities each for love and romance, and SEX.
  • September-December look INTENSE in the love dept, with hearts and flames and couples symbols all around.

So, 2012, bring it on! I’m ready!

 

 

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