Wanted: 1 male roommate, preferably hot, and mute.

Let me tell you a story about how I hate everyone.  So I don’t know if I’ve told you guys that my roommate, Doogie, is moving in with his girlfriend at the end of April.  That means, either Anth and I have to find a new roommate to take his room or we have to move into a new apartment.  It’s a pretty clear understanding between Anth and I that if we move, we will not be moving together.  We will be getting separate apartments, and I think that’s best for the sake of our ever dwindling friendship.  The thing of it is, you see, neither of us really want to move.  As I’m sure you are all well aware, moving costs money and frankly it sucks, so we’d really like to find someone to take over Doogie’s room.

I’ve been kind-of-ish looking for jobs close to home town because I don’t really see a point in staying in the Big City any longer when it makes me so unhappy and all my friends suck (see below). So the plan in my head is that if we can stay in this apartment then I’ll stay in the Big City for a little while longer, but if we can’t? Well, I’m not signing a year long apartment lease and locking myself into another year of misery.  So we decided to look for a roommate.

As per usual, Anth has found a way to screw me over in this.  We’ve been talking about it for months, I told him that Deena would be willing to move in, but he doesn’t want to live with 2 girls.  So I said, ok that’s all I’ve got, it’s on you.

Somewhere in his sick twisted head he has gotten the idea that he wants to find a couple (boy & girl) to move into my room.  Yes, MY room, and I can move into Doogie’s room.  This isn’t the first time he’s come up with this stupid plan.  Before JM moved out when I was still living in the dungeon he was offering up JM’s old room/the room I was about to move into to one of his friends to make the rent cheaper.  As you may recall, I got pissed so it didn’t happen.

And here we are yet again.  For whatever reason Anth thinks he has the authority to rent out my room without consulting me first.  Remember the last time he didn’t consult me when he bought a maid and obligated my money to it? Yeah, I didn’t pay him, because he didn’t fucking ask me first.  This is the same situation.  He’s not asking he’s saying, lets rent out your room for $1300 to a couple then our rent will be cheaper.

So I said no, I like my room, I like my bathroom, I like my garage spot, and if I move, I’m moving out – not upstairs.  And he went off on a tangent about how it will save us so much money by screwing some unknowing couple out of an extra $400 a month.  Yes, it would save us money, but why is it such a big deal for him to just look for a replacement for Doogie? Stop trying to con up money making schemes and find us a damn roommate so we don’t have to move, idiot.  Next, no one in their right mind is stupid enough to pay $1300 a month for my room, I pay $900 and I still think I’m getting screwed.  And I continued by saying, you could find a pretty nice apartment for $1300 a month, no one is that stupid.

Then he proceeded to list off all the reasons why he thinks a couple would be willing to pay $1300 a month for my room, and I quote “Yeah, but a nice apartment doesn’t have…”

Furniture (Pictured Below: a lovely faux leather couch, complete with holes)

A rooftop w/furniture (Pictured below: A set of 3 chairs, 1 of them you can still sit in.  Set previously had a table that also had holes, but the asshole neighbor threw it away)

A grille (see below)

A kitchen like ours (Pictured Below: A lovely oak dining table and 2 chairs, kitchen surfaces are granite counter top and are surely to be infested with salmonella since Anth never wipes them off.  You can see the grill in the background on the deck sitting next to the sparkling keg of month old beer.)

An air hockey table (Pictured below: Must clean off Anth’s laundry before use.)

A laundry room (Pictured Below: Complete with 1 door since Anth’s girlfriend broke the one pictured below and didn’t offer to replace or repair it.)

 Wouldn’t you pay $1300 a month for all of these wonderful amenities?

9 thoughts on “Wanted: 1 male roommate, preferably hot, and mute.

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    Really? Really? I rent out my master bedroom with an attached bath for $950, and I’m in San Diego, one block from Mission Bay and 10 blocks from the ocean. Beat that. ;-p

  2. I really appreciate being invited to view your blog! I think your price seems a little steep, but still reasonable. I hope you find someone! BTW, I’ve tagged you in my latest post!

  3. Matthew says:

    $1300 for a room and shared living space (with amenities as listed above)?

    Tell him good luck with that. While living in LA I had a one bed/one bath apartment around 850 sq ft that was $1200/month.

    That’s a better deal, in my opinion, and that’s without any of that furniture.

  4. ifUseekAmy says:

    Damn, I pay $1700 for an oversized closet in a walkup brownstone and that’s because I’ve been a tenant for so long. New tenants pay around $2000 for the same space… granted, I am living in Manhattan and that’s what you pay.

    • Yeah, we aren’t living in Manhattan, but I would say $1300 would be a pretty reasonable price for a nice 1 bedroom. But with roommates? No way, I wouldn’t pay a dime over what I pay now. He’s crazy!
      -Gizzy

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