A few days after I shut down Josh for the chance to be his mistress, we had a nice little chat on Facebook:
Josh: Hey, real quick then i’ll leave you be. Just to be clear. You’re not pissed off at me are you? I respect your perspective but would still like to be cool. Def don’t want to fall into the same category as the trainer.
Me: I’m not pissed off. I am just really shocked and confused plus it has just been a really hard week and i feel like everyone is on my case
Josh: I am def not trying to be on your case at all. What are you confused about?
Me: I didn’t say you were. Just all of this, it’s really difficult to understand
Josh: I TOTALLY agree, def an awkward situation
Me: At first, I felt like a complete idiot for not understanding what you were trying to tell me. But then again, who WOULD automatically assume that a married man was asking her to partake in something immoral. It’s a shitty situation on it’s own, plus it’s been the worst week of my life.
Josh: I know what you mean, and you were dead on when you said you deserve more than a partial relationship. For me to argue anything else would be ridiculous…Also try put yourself in my shoes
Me: The things you said to me Saturday night were manipulative; trying to make me feel guilty for not wanting to be a part of breaking up your family. I am a good person, just trying to make it. I meet people every day who get off on treating me like shit, and you had me convinced you were not one of those people. Now, I just don’t know.
Josh: Honestly, Saturday I was able to get away and all I wanted was to be with you. When that didn’t happen and combined with alcohol, stupid things were said. I do not get off treating anyone like shit. That’s not who I am. I’m glad you’re telling me how you feel though. Seriously, think about how torn I am? I am so happy that I met you on one hand and then scared to death on the other.
Me: scared to death of what?
Josh: The possibilities of how much my life could change. I just love my daughter and I am a good father. You do believe me when I say I have never done anything like this before right?
Me: Does it matter?
Josh: Your perception of me matters to me. I don’t want you to think I’m some scumbag running around chasing women. That’s not who I am
Me: Honestly, as long as it doesn’t involve me I’m not concerned about it. what you do is your business
Josh: I really hate having this important of a conversation through text. So much is lost.
Me: I don’t have anything more to say about this. I don’t know why you’re insisting on beating a dead horse, or trying to save face. You did something shitty, and you know it. If you’d ever been cheated on, you’d know that it is one of the worst feelings in this world. If you want to talk to me about other stuff, cool, if you just want to try and argue with me, forget it.