I think it’s safe to say I’m going boy crazy, which is actually quite a relief for me because I was beginning to think I was on the verge of liking girls.
For the record, no, I don’t think people turn gay.
Anyway, everywhere I go, I develop a new crush. We fall in love, talk for 5 seconds, then I hate him, and we move on. However, last Saturday, I met a guy who tops the charts. I finally felt what it means to say it:
Old crushes die hard.
It all started last Wednesday when I left the gym. I had a text message from my editor saying a local guy was picked out our state’s hottest bachelor for Cosmopolitan’s Hottest Bachelor contest, would I have time this weekend to interview him?
UM HELL YES I DO.
I had no idea what this guy looked like, but considering I have no prospects and pretty much no life, I took the gamble that he’d be fine as hell.
After going out Friday night and getting completely ridiculous, I woke up Saturday morning still drunk. I hopped in the shower and brewed a pot of coffee in hopes to sober up before our interview at 10. I didn’t want to blurt out what I was really thinking: Here’s my body, do as you please.
When I got out of the shower, Bachelor was calling me.
“mmmmheeeclloooghoo” I said.
“Lucky? You okay? You sound a little sick. Did I wake you?” He said, his voice as smooth as butter.
FUCK. This was soooo not how this was supposed to be going?!?!? Where the fuck was my witty, sexy self when I really needed it? Quick, think…
“Oh no, no, I just haven’t had my coffee yet,” I said.
“I know what you mean,” he said. “I’ve been up all night.”
“OH? Did you go out last night?” I asked.
“Ha, no…I’ll tell you when we get to the interview,” he said.
He was essentially calling to say he would be late, as he was meeting someone to sell his motorcycle (SWOON) and they were caught in traffic.
I finally pulled myself together, putting on a shirt that focused on The Boobs. I had looked him up on Cosmo’s website and he was pretty damn fine. As soon as I walked into the coffee shop, he said “Lucky??”
DDDDDDaaaamn so handsome. so, so handsome.
“Hey…I um, I need to get coffee if you don’t mind,” I said. What I really needed was a second to catch my breath and compose myself. Let me just show you what I’m working with here:
FYI: That is the screensaver on my iPad.
Anyway, we do the interview and I swear to God, this guy is PERFECT. He’s nice, witty, funny, a LAWYER, goes to church, like give me a damn break!
So I asked him the important question, why was he single? He told me he was single by choice. He didn’t want to be looking for a girlfriend, because when you look, you settle. He also said he had a dream of meeting his lady in a romantic comedy fashion…hmm say in an interview for being the hottest bachelor?!?!?!!?
We parted ways and I got back to drinking. And then of course spent Sunday drooling over his hottness.
Sunday, he sent me a text.
“Don’t make me sound too bad,” he said.
“Um how is that possible? You’re the nicest person ever,” I said, then jumped on my bed and squealed like a 6 year old.
“You are too sweet,” he said.
He later texted me saying he had an interview with another local magazine and the girl “sucked” so he was thanking me for being such an awesome interviewer.
JUST MARRY ME GOD DAMN.
I am just crossing my fingers this dude comes around again!