Remember that time I messed around with my friend, J without really meaning to? Well last Friday night was a repeat, only worse.
Because that is just how it goes in my world.
We went out to eat, I had a few (or 4) margaritas, and went back to my apartment to drink some more and Google Michael Chricton. Around 1:30 or so he decided to stay over and we got into bed.
We made out. No big deal.
We fell asleep. Next thing I know, we were back awake and kissing and moving faster, and before I realized it we were having sex.
After a few minutes I removed myself from this situation knowing full well that there wasn’t a condom involved, and I wasn’t on birth control.
Consider this: I haven’t had sex in 15 months. So I got off birth control 2 weeks ago. And I wind up having sex. OF COURSE.
So we go back to sleep and I wake up the next morning and make my first ever walk of shame to CVS to get Plan B.
They are out.
I go to the next CVS. They are out.
Finally, Walgreens comes to my rescue and $50 later, I’ve got what I need, although I feel dumb as hell for doing that.
Now, I feel weird.
What happened, happened and I’m not worried about that. What I am worried about is that I’m not worried, or really having any feelings.
Before I had this 15 month dry spell, I really felt like I was doing myself a favor. In the past, sleeping with a guy really amped up my feelings for him and neediness.
Now that I have slept with someone, and I don’t feel anything or give a shit about it, I’m wondering what’s wrong with me? Is it just that I don’t like this guy?Is it because I was drunk? Or am I turning into someone who doesn’t have feelings?
In relationships of the past, I mistook sex for intimacy. Now, I just dont know what to think…