The right to wed.

Me and Gizzy were talking the other night about being single (big shocker) and how we’re not getting any younger.

The conversation goes a little something like this: If you meet Mr. Right tomorrow, you date for a year, get engaged, be engaged for a year, and then get married. Putting you at 30 when you’re married… and then factor in the fact that you’re not going to meet Mr. Right tomorrow.

This is a game we play often, which is probably damaging to several lobes in my brain.

The last time I actually imagined myself getting married was when I was dating BEX. I would picture the venue (a giant, sheer silk tent), my dress (Carrie Bradshaw’s white dress in front of the fountain with Aiden), the colors (black and white), the flowers (yellow and write roses) and I would imagine myself walking down the very simple aisle to him…

But since our relationship ended (again and again), I’ve tried to push those dreams out of my mind as much as possible.

I always tell my friends that I know I won’t get married, that it’s just not for me, but I know it’s just a defense mechanism. I don’t want to deal with the failure that I feel is on the horizon.

There are times when I’m positive about it and think, “you never know!” And in those moments, I picture a simple wedding in Vegas, where it’s just a party, and no one is bogged down with annoying bridesmaid’s dresses, rented tuxes, and fancy formalities.

After being in several over-the-top weddings, I started to think that I wouldn’t want to put my friends and family through all of that—for what? Just so I can have “my day?”

When I see pictures on Facebook (the devil) of people getting married, I start thinking it’s kind of silly—not marriage—but throwing a big shindig. I think it would be wrong of me to have some ridiculous wedding, like I’ve passed the deadline for that sort of thing.

Then I just get sad and think, wow, how cynical am I? Everyone deserves their day, no matter how old, marriage is something to celebrate, right?

And then I just remember that I’m single and I shouldn’t be worrying about my wedding.

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5 thoughts on “The right to wed.

  1. TM says:

    My ex and I (mainly me) planned the big grand wedding. I hated the planning process. Loved dress shopping hated everything else. We had all the details planned, just needed the day to come to execute the plan and he dumped my 3 days after we mailed out the invites.

    When I did get married, I asked my husband to marry me and we went to the JOP the next week with just our parents and it was perfect.

    I had hit my 30’s by the time we got married (about a year after we started dating). I wasn’t looking for him when we started dating and turns out the love of my life was some one I already knew.

    Keep positive, the best things kinda just fall in your lap some times.

  2. OMG, thank you so much for sharing this! My best friend, aside from Gizzy, got married to her husband at the JOP and they’ve been together for about 8 years now. I asked her if she ever felt sad that she didn’t have the wedding and she says sometimes, but is planning on a party for a big anniversary.

    I love hearing success stories that are just about that—success—not about everyone’s approval.


  3. Matthew says:

    I do have to admit, I think I’d rather have a big party to celebrate the engagement and then do a small intimate wedding with our closest friends and family. My one problem is the Italian side of my family. They love weddings and they love parties.

  4. After seeing all the stress that couples go through, I’d rather do something fast and small and use all that money on a honeymoon instead.

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