A conversation with John Mayer.

The radio show I listen to every morning (on my way to work) did a series of skits last week based around conversations they wish they could have if they met their favorite celebrity.

It got me thinking about my favorite celebrity, John Mayer.

I’ve been a fan of his since I was 16, after borrowing my dad’s copy of “Room for Squares,” and seeing this on TV:

In the years since then, I’ve often wondered what I would say to him if we ever did meet. Although I’ve seen him in concert a dozen times, in a dozen different states, I haven’t ever been in that position.

However, I’ve had several dreams where we talked, and in those moments, I never knew what to say. I mean, really what do you say? Late last year, I entered a raffle (several times) to spend the day with John doing charity work—that’s when the opportunity of meeting him seemed real.

Since I am a full-time journalist, people ask me all the time, “John Mayer must be your dream interview, right?”

Wrong.

I live very much in a fantasy world when it comes to my favorite musicians, actors, etc. Sometimes, I don’t even watch interviews with them, or read articles about them, because I don’t want to read the bad stuff.

Upon reading Rolling Stone’s article on Amy Winehouse, I started crying reading about the amount of drugs she was on… I had no idea, and I didn’t want her to die, at least before I could see her in concert. Yeah…

But here goes, my ideal conversation with John Mayer:

GRANNY’S GOURMET DONUTS-MID MORNING

Lucky is in Bozeman, MT, working through a quarter life crisis. It’s her second morning in town, and she walks into the crowded diner hoping to plan her day. She finds an empty stool at the counter. 

WAITRESS

Can I get t’chu somethin’, hun?

LUCKY

Oh yeah, can I get some coffee, please? And I’m still deciding on food, thanks.

Gentleman to the left of Lucky turns toward her. Lucky is reading the menu. 

JOHN MAYER

You should get the house omelet.

Lucky recognizes the voice, slowly looks up. 

LUCKY

Oh yeah? Is that your favorite?

JOHN MAYER

It’s good. I would probably like everything on their menu, though.

LUCKY

If I get the omelet, and it sucks, I can just blame you then?

JOHN MAYER

Sure, I can deal with that.

LUCKY

Alright, deal.

Lucky sips on her coffee, eventually laying out some brochures and her iPad. 

JOHN MAYER

Oh, no, tourist alert.

LUCKY

I’m not ashamed, yeah I’m a tourist.

JOHN MAYER

Care for some suggestions?

LUCKY

I already took your breakfast suggest, should I really bank my whole trip on your opinion?

JOHN MAYER

Good point. But I have lived here for a few years.

LUCKY

So what do you recommend?

JOHN MAYER

I think you should let me show you around, after you eat your omelet, of course.

LUCKY

What if I have a bad time?

JOHN MAYER

Tell me the second you’re not having fun and I’ll take you home, or wherever.

LUCKY

Will we see a bear or a moose or something?

JOHN MAYER

If that’s what you want.

LUCKY

Oh yeah, I want to see one. But there’s something else…

JOHN MAYER

What’s that?

LUCKY

Names. I’m Lucky.

JOHN MAYER

Oh right. Nice to meet you, my name is John.

*     *     *

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