I can’t remember if I told you all last year about how my company offers a health and wellness program during the summer. Last year I was hired into the company about halfway through it, but I still signed up because the incentives were nice. You get $100 if you complete the program, along with weekly prizes for meeting goals. The prizes are pretty awesome too, and not just a “chance to win” type of deal – last year I won a massage, a gift card to a health foods store, and sunglasses. The best part about the program is that each person also gets a health coach. Last year my health coach was Gary. He’s about 65 and I’m pretty sure was an ex-drill sergeant for the military. Gary thought I was a slacker and basically hated my guts because of it.
The program works like this, you go in to the health and wellness office to sign up for the program, they assign you a coach and within the next week or so you meet with the coach to get your supplies, set your goals, and get all the info. Last year when I met with Gary I was a little taken aback because he was so fierce. They give you a little pedometer watch that tracks your heart rate and God knows what else. Gary put the fear in me when he said YOU DO NOT TAKE THIS OFF FOR ANY REASON! So I set my daily fitness goals, which was like a measly 2 or 3 miles, and Gary wrote down a grocery list and meal plan for me. I followed the meal plan for like half a day because Gary is old and put crap like calf’s liver on it. I mean first of all, if I was up for eating calf’s liver where would I even buy such a thing? Second, no. The other piece to this puzzle is that every morning by 11am I was to send Gary a list of everything I ate the previous day so he could track my progress. Gary got real pissed when I started eating Wendy’s and pizza in place of calf’s liver and brussel sprouts. He also told me absolutely NO BEER, which is a rule I broke within hours of meeting with him. It got so bad that he would start calling me around lunchtime to see if I made sure to pack my veggies. Ok, DAD. However, I did meet my fitness goals so I won the prizes I mentioned before, but that wasn’t good enough for Gary.
So this year when I went into the wellness office to sign up I asked the Program Coordinator to not assign me to Gary. She had a good old laugh, because she knew what I had gone through the previous year. Then she was all, oh no, I HAVE JUST THE PERFECT COACH FOR YOU! So I was all awesome, wish me God speed if that person is anything at all like Gary. So Friday at lunch I walked over to the office again to meet with my coach, Trey.
I walked into Trey’s office and to my surprise he was young, and really hot. So we went over my fitness and food plan, luckily Trey gave me a list of normal foods to eat and he was being all yeah lets run together and saying he could show me how to make some cool dishes with the foods he had put on my grocery list, so we exchanged numbers. As I was sitting there I was thinking, well having HIM as a coach will certainly be some motivation not to screw it up this time. So before I left I asked Trey what his deal was, how he landed his job ended up in our city, etc. He told wme that he had worked at our company as an intern while he was in college, and when he graduated 2 weeks ago they promoted him. So at best, he’s probably 23. And I’m still 28. Christ.