Mercedes the Mega-bitch

Do ya’ll remember that mega-bitch ex-friend of mine named MERCEDES? Yes, everyone take a moment to shudder in your chair.

Occasionally that stupid bitch rears her ugly head into my life and when that happens I get the fun reminder that there are still some things out there that do piss me the fuck off. And she is one of them.

Almost every time I hang out with Gigi or Chuck they talk about the last time they talked to her and how she says she misses me and would like us to be friends again, but not before I apologize. Which is never going to fucking happen, for the following reasons:

1. She’s a mega-bitch.

2. I did nothing wrong, she was the one who stabbed me in the back.

3. She’s a drama filled mega-bitch.

Every now and then someone (Anth or the likings there of) will tell me they ran into her and she asked how I was doing, where I’ve been, and what I’ve been doing. Which sends me instantly into a stink-eyed frenzy of questioning my friendship with said person for speaking my name to that mega-bitch.

But the most recent happenings are just… I can’t.

A little more than a month ago I got a random friend request from Snatch’s best friend from High School, Krusty Krabs.  I knew the guy in college. In fact, him and Snatch were roommates when he and I dated so we remained friends throughout college. 

After facebook stalking one afternoon I had come to the conclusion that the guy, Krusty Krabs, was no longer married (or maybe never got married, he was engaged at one point, but whatevs minor details) and that he was lookin’ mighty fine.  I explained to Lucky that very day that I was going to do some research and find out about whole ex-wife/fiance situation and see why they broke up/got a divorce, if it wasn’t too horrible of a reason (cause I’m not dealing with anymore lying cheating bastard asses), I was going to make my approach and start liking all of his stuff on facebook, because I’m 13, and then eventually he’d either talk to me or block me.  About 5 minutes later Snatch texted me about some random picture I had made a comment on.  Which was weird, he’s basically forbidden to talk to me unless his wife is present, but I didn’t think much of it.

I couldn’t find any solid evidence on the breakup/divorce so a few weeks ago I was prepared to start my liking approach, but he beat me to it and had already started liking all my stuff  so I started liking his back (side note: I am aware of how juvenile this all sounds, but do you want blog posts or no? Hokay then, lets continue.) Then a few nights ago I was texting with Betty and she’s all, “Oh by the way, how weird is it that Krusty Krabs and Mercedes are dating?”

Hold the mother fucking bus.  WHAT?! What. The. Fuck. We have totally been cyber flirting via facebook liking and this is not okay.

She said Mercedes had been posting a gaggle of pictures of the two of them, but since I have her blocked, I couldn’t see any of them. Betty thought I should intercept because Mercedes will muff it up anyway, but no. He’s ruined now. 

Betty gave me her login information so I could check out all the pictures for myself, and sure enough around the time he added me on facebook was when their whole shebang started. This got me thinking, Mercedes probably asked him to add me so she could stalk my shit. And then probably got a giant kick out of liking everything and then me reciprocating and liking back. 

Then, feeling like the whole world was conspiring against me, I wondered if Snatch was in on it too and texted me that one day to see if I would say anything about the two of them.

Mercedes and I haven’t spoken in nearly 3 years and this bitch will not get out of my life. The end.