- Living/dying alone. I think you all probably know this one. And I’m not really sure WHY I’m terrified of living the rest of my life, and ultimately dying, alone…I guess it’s human nature to want to couple up and be together, right?
- Masks. This is why I hate Halloween. This isn’t just a, “Oh I don’t like masks” thing. I’m terrified of them. Like it’s not even funny to me. According to my mom, I’ve hated them always, and I think it’s just a constant fear of not knowing who people truly are.
- Not reaching my dreams. Like most people, my dreams have changed a lot over the years. I’m still not sure what exactly they are. But I know I want to stay writing and stay creating and I hope one day, doing that will pay my bills, in a way that I’m never feeling like I have to “work.”
- Being bitter. I know I’ve been hurt a lot in my past and I’m still working to move past it. But if I have to be single forever, I at least hope I can be a pleasant, happy person to be around and not bitter and jealous.
- Complacency. This kind of goes with #3, but a lot of my coworkers have just let their brains turn to mush and I’m terrified of that. I’m always trying to stay on top of things and stay creative so that I’m never complacent.
Losing my parents, dying, going blind, spiders, and snakes. BOOM next question. Oh right, I have to tell you why. Alright here goes…
1. Losing my parents. I’ve heard people use this exact phrase on Dr. Phil and Opera about a million times, but it really sums it up. I don’t know how to live in a World where my parents don’t. I know one day I’ll have to do it (unless I go first, eck!) but it really brings me to tears even thinking about it.
2. Dying. I mean, who isn’t afraid of dying? Except Jesus. You know I don’t want to get all philosophical and spiritual here, but I get super weirded out when I think about how life will go on without me and what really happens to you/your spirit when you die. Alright, enough about death. Damn.
3. Going blind. I have horrible eyesight and I am honestly terrified that one day I will go completely blind. I couldn’t imagine not being able to see the people I love, watch tv (of course), and see all the beautiful things in the world.
4. Spiders. Okay, so once when I was in high school I woke up in the middle of the night to a gust of wind over my face. I was thinking I needed to close my window or shut my ceiling fan off, but when I opened my eyes there was a gigantic spider hanging over my face. I still have nightmares about this and to this day when I see a spider I cry like a baby.
5. Snakes. I think it’s because they hide and they don’t blink, but they fucking creep me out. I’ve done stupid things to try and conquer this fear. Like this (side note: at the time I was like “I’M BRITNEY BITCH!” that was the only way I could talk myself into doing this):
(P.S. Mines bigger.)
But yes, that is a giant python around my neck. I should have been high off my ass when I did that, but I wasn’t, and I still can’t believe I actually did it. However, take note that I am standing all awkward and refused to actually touch it, somehow that made it ok but didn’t help with my fear at all.