That’s right, you heard correctly. High School Crush is engaged. If you’re a new reader, just go back in our blog posts about 2 years (or from the beginning, cause he was around then too) and it will all make sense.
Last night when I got home from work I decided to look up Peanut Butta Jelly Time (as I like to call her, aka HSC’s girlfriend/now fiance) on Facebook because I had a hankering he would propose around Christmas. Because he’s one of THOSE guys. And by one of THOSE guys I mean one of those cheap bastards that pops the question around Christmas so he doesn’t have to get you a Christmas gift on top of the engagement ring. So a couple posts in I see where she has done a reCRAP of all the cool shit she did in 2013. The last thing was getting engaged to her best friend, soul mate, better half, love of her life. Gag me. So I scroll down to the next post and see the typical newly engaged couple pic of them: standing up doing a half hug with shit eating grins (her gummy grin still looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite) on their faces while her hand rests ever so subtly on his chest displaying her new bling (princess cut with the small diamonds surrounding it. Typical of what you see all the 20 somethings wearing.)
In all honesty I am indifferent about it and really don’t give a shit. I’m over him and have been for a long time. But what I’m not over is that he (along with many other scum buckets) got away with basically two timing his now fiance at the beginning of their relationship. And she probably has no idea that I was in the picture DAYS before they moved in together.
This also got me thinking about something I’m sure have mentioned before: I am ALWAYS the girl that guys date/hook-up with/have one last fling with before they find “the one” and get married. I mean, do I have some kind of power that makes these assholes decide they’re ready to settle down, just not with me?
Here’s the running list of guys this has happened with:
- My 2nd long term boyfriend in high school
- My first college boyfriend
- Snatch (if you remember, he’s how I met Anth and all those characters)
- My “football buddy” from college
- Bi-polar Ex
- High School Crush
- HOTTIE MCHOTTERSON
- Nutter Butter (not engaged YET, but says he’s currently with “the one”
- Snoop-Linus (also not engaged YET, but has been with the same girl since we broke up like 4 years ago.)
Now here’s the list of exes that aren’t engaged/still in a relationship with the person they dated after me:
- My first long term high school boyfriend
It would seem that the way this weighs out is a little more than a coincidence, right?