Category Archives: Dating blows donkey

Time to lay on the couch.

Tomorrow, I meet with my therapist (Lopez) for the first time in a month.

He’s been trying to push my appointments back to once a month, but I protested, until now—I felt like things were going pretty good.

And I would say, for the most part, things are pretty good.

You might recall my post last week, which was basically a list of successes I’ve encountered just in the last month. Really exciting!

But over this last year, I’ve found that in moments of success like that, sometimes it’s even more difficult for me to put on a happy face.

I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’ve got one theory.

I feel like I get so excited over these personal victories, but then my high comes crashing to a halt when I realize I’ve got no one to share my success with.

Okay, maybe that’s a little bit dramatic.

I do have good friends.

But I don’t have that guy…you know; the one who’s going to come see me succeed, cheer me on, and tell me how proud of me he is.

Am I pathetic for wanting that?

Over the weekend, I was asked to participate in a literature event; where I would sell books, do an interview, and a reading.

Wow… that’s been one of my biggest dreams for almost 10 years.

I was giddy. And I pictured myself there. And it was amazing.

And then I pictured the event being over, and me, alone, packing up my things and driving home to Blanche, my cat, then me eating leftovers, and crawling into bed by myself.

Sad.

I know these things take time, and I know, I’ve been through a FUCK TON this year. My emotions are certainly changing every single day.

But I’m just ready for things to be even keel. I’m ready for things to be okay again.

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I feel better.

After I gave myself a day to sulk about my ugly rejection from “Erik”—my first meet up on Match, I am feeling a little better.

It wasn’t that I was sitting across from Erik thinking OMFG, he’s so awesome, it was more about me being worried that I said the wrong things, or that I just wasn’t interesting anymore.

Either way, I reminded myself that I signed up for 30 days and in those 30 days, I’m going to put myself out there, even if it means being out of my comfort zone.

So, I sent a message to the guy I’ve been messaging with since day 2, “Aaron,” to see if he’d like to meet. He said that would “be cool,” so I gave him my number and we’ll see if he actually makes the plans.

Aside from him, I don’t have any other prospects, which means I’m going to have to sift through my 1500 “matches” again and see if there is anyone worth messaging.

Now is when you share your experiences with online dating…

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I signed up for Match.com

After weeks of consideration, I made a profile on Match.com.

I know it’s really soon after my relationship with D, but I feel like getting out there, meeting new people, and going on dates will be good for me.

I don’t know if any of you are familiar with Match, but there’s a few steps you can take before you have to pay/subscribe.

So I filled out some of a profile, added a few photos, took a “quiz” about the type of guy I was looking for, and then my initial “matches” appeared…

Talk about WOOF.

It was dozens of guys I’m NOT interested in.

However, I kept looking and after getting through only 25 pages (I have 1500 matches), I’ve got 2 guys that are handsome, seem legit & interesting…I consider that a major score.

I’ve been signed up for less that 24-hours and my profile has already been viewed more than 160 times, I’ve gotten 11 “winks,” and 7 emails.

Talk about an ego boost.

Anyway, I am still perfecting my profile and learning how to navigate this world of online dating. But while I wait, it’s always good to get a few laughs—and it’s from the things people put on their profiles… Please enjoy:

  • I want you to know that I know all the lyrics to “The Humpty Dance” by the Digital Underground. (And I didn’t realize that Shock G and Humpty were the same person until like three years ago.
  • Just looking for someone normal that does not do drugs
  • I am ready to settle down, but not looking to rush things. I took a little sabbatical from dating, actually a long one, and I’m ready to put myself back out there
  • I like red heads there cool and dogs are gross so no dog owners but if you have a cat I really like cats so that’s cool.
  • This is my second run on match.com. I have not been on here in close to 2 years.
  • Of course a person is going to boast about their strengths and down play their weaknesses. Well let me join the crowd!
  • Well, my fun days are over and I am looking for something serious if possible.
  • I have 25 pictures of Danny Glover saved on my phone just incase I will ever need them.
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Current state of…things.

I am alive after what was a great and awful weekend all at once.

Last week in general was rough. While I am going through the motions of getting my life back in order, my mind is still very caught up in D drama and my heart is still in pain.

D and I tried to plan a friendship-family night a few weeks ago and he cancelled last-minute, and I felt played. Since then, we’ve done nothing but fight; he says he loves and misses me, but then doesn’t reply my messages, or make attempts to see me.

I finally had a break down Wednesday at work; crying in the women’s bathroom and decided that I just needed to cut him out of my life. So I sent him a text asking him to come pick up his TV Friday.

The TV was his last item at my house; after he picked it up, there’d be no real reason for us to talk again. He agreed to pick it up Friday, so Friday morning (complete with a hangover) I dragged the near-60-inch flat screen into the hallway of my complex, threw a towel over it and sent him a text, “TV is ready for pickup” at 7:06 a.m.

Just as I expected, he replied to my message at 1:15 pm, saying “Can’t make it today.”

Little did he know that I’d already planned on him saying that, so my plan was to put the TV back in my apartment, keep it, and never talk to him again.

That’s exactly what I did. I didn’t reply to his message and I haven’t heard from him since.

It’s been 3 days—the longest time we’ve gone without talking to each other in 5 months—and I’m experiencing a range of emotions.

I had prepped myself for a weekend of drama; expecting D to send me rude texts, perhaps even show up at my door in the wee hours of the morning, blood pumping with alcohol.

But to my shock, not a peep.

Despite the silence, I hardly slept all weekend, and took out my frustrations on bowling and scrubbing my tub.

In unrelated news, I’ve got a massive crush on the new trainer, CJ, at our gym. All I can say is that he has really large muscles and that in my head we are already married and things are just perfect…

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Call me Abe Froman.

That’s right, I’m playing hooky today just like one of my favorite movie characters, Ferris Bueller.

I have a hair appointment this morning, so I just decided to call in sick and make it a day of fabulousness all about ME.

So, what’s on my agenda? Well after I get my cut & color, I’m meeting one of my old bosses for a sushi lunch—it was a totally random post she made on my Facebook page over the weekend, but I’m completely excited about it.

Then? I think I’ll hang out at Starbucks for a few hours and read and do some blogging…. then? I’m heading to yoga to get my zen on.

And then? I’ll watch Catfish. And it’ll be Nev-tastic!

Days like these are becoming incredibly important to me. I’m slowly rebuilding things back to the life I had before D.

Although I maintained my jobs, my friends, my workouts, etc, during our relationship, I still get that feeling that he came in, crapped on mostly everything, and now I’m just trying to pick up the pieces.

I know I learned a lot, and I showed just how strong I can be, but a big part of me wishes this didn’t happen. I really, really want things back to the way they were.

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Part three: The final straw.

You are all probably wondering why there is even a part three; believe me, I was very frustrated, scared, and upset at this point. But I didn’t want to give up.

Even my cynical heart had hope that things would turn around and we could go on like this didn’t happen. But in the weeks following the bar fight, we were very distant.

I built walls around me, just waiting for that third thing to happen when I would say, “That’s it! I’m out of here.”

It happened on a Wenesday night… or rather, a Thursday morning at 4 am. D was texting me, drunk. Actually, he was wasted—most of the texts were just random letters, like he was slamming his fingers down on his phone and sending them to me.

Some words I could read, like him telling me he was going to go back to “someone else.”

That was it. He was drunk again, and now telling me he was going to cheat. Two things I absolutely cannot and will not tolerate.

I replied and told him it was over.

He continued to text me passive aggressive bullshit, but I turned off my phone and tried to get some sleep.

The next morning, D sent me a message saying he couldn’t do this anymore. I took it as him trying to turn the tables and break up with me, but I told him it was already over. Later, he explained that he just meant the crazy drinking, but it doesn’t ultimately matter. It was over.

D is an alcoholic.

When I tell people that, most of them just say, “Well yeah he works in the service industry,” but it’s not that. Alcoholics aren’t just people who like to drink; they have a very serious problem.

It broke my heart to have to let D go… but I know I must make a better life for myself. I have no fucking clue how I keep finding myself in these situations—never ever ever in my darkest nightmares did I think I would be dating a guy like this.

The day after we broke up, I had my locks changed as D had a key to my place. I didn’t think he’d even try to come over, but I’m going out of town soon and didn’t want to take any chances.

That Saturday morning, I woke up at 5 am to pounding on my door. D was outside, drunk, with a styrofoam cup of Crown in his hand.

I am still so very heartbroken. As pathetic as it may sounds, I just want one of these relationships to work. I want to be loved.

I hope that D gets the professional help he needs before something else terrible happens. But I cannot rescue him, help him, or stand by and watch as things unfold anymore.

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Part two: the bar fight.

After getting the DWI, D was terrified he would lose his job. After all, he’d been drinking while on the job and he was driving home when he got pulled over for swerving all over the roads.

But when he got to work, they told him the entire thing was bullshit, and not to worry, because they would hire him the best DWI attorney in the state. When D told me this, I was extremely concerned. He was getting a free ride and wasn’t going to learn the lesson I’d hoped.

I told D I was really concerned and I didn’t know if I could handle our relationship if the drunken drama continued. I was worried for him and for us. He promised me he would cut back on drinking.

For about two weeks, he did.

One Sunday after work, D invited me to come over.

“Oh by the way, Hunter hit my truck,” he texted me before I arrived.

When I got to D’s house, Hunter (a waiter at the restaurant) was sitting on the patio, hammered. D was drinking Crown from a styrofoam cup.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

According to the guys, D had had two cocktails at work and was afraid to drive home, so he asked Hunter to follow him. Hunter, being too drunk to drive, swerved off the road, over-corrected, and hit D’s truck.

“What happened to not drinking and driving?” I asked.

“I had two drinks and, believe me, I was scared to,” D said.

I was pissed. Here we were, two weeks out from an arrest, and he was drinking and driving again. I left and went home.

The next day, a Monday, D was heading an hour away to a second restaurant location. He was joining a server, the other manager and the chef to see if this server (Bobby) wanted to come on as a manager. Bobby drove them, they ate a free meal, I’m assuming they had lots of drinks, and left.

Around 1:30 a.m., D calls me, excited to tell me that him and Bobby got in a fight and roughed up about 9 other guys.

According to D, him and Bobby left the restaurant and it was Bobby’s idea to step into a nearby bar where they saw an Arabic man sitting alone. Because Bobby and D both know Arabic (a fact I didn’t know), they decided to talk to him.

Again, according to D, they didn’t say anything offensive, and out of nowhere this guy pulls a knife out and holds it up to D’s neck. D then flipped him over the table, causing a group of other guys running to the scene and joining in.

D and Bobby were kicked out of the bar, and D was trying to tell me just how “cool” it was when he flipped this guy over the table.

I told him I didn’t think it was cool at all, that it was actually quite trashy, and he didn’t need to be out getting in fights. He is a dad and was just arrested two weeks before.

D was drunk, at a Waffle House, and couldn’t even tell me what city he was in. I told him we needed to have a serious talk later and hung up.

The next day, I told D that the only thing I could think to say or do was to give him an ultimatum. Any more drunken antics and I was out. He said he didn’t want to lose me and that was that.

That night, D got a call from the owner of his restaurant. The Arabic guy came into the restaurant and filed a complaint against D and Tommy. The shopping center threatened to close down the restaurant. D’s job was on the line…

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