Category Archives: Self Reflection

Cleanse, day 9.

Man, here I am on Advocare cleanse, day 9.

Which means, tomorrow is the last day!!!

In some respects, I feel really good. I feel so light (not weighed down) and I feel pretty skinny.

However, I am also just sick of eating chicken (let’s face it, dry chicken) and turkey and fish.

Last night, I went to a dinner party. Everyone had filets…I had chicken. Everyone had red wine. I had water.

Everyone had cheese bread.

I had…nothing.

It helps that Gizzy is doing a challenge, so we can vent about our hunger pains. A few other girlfriends of mine are doing the challenge with me, and we check in every day, which is a big help.

However, most people don’t “get” why I’m cleansing. They don’t understand how good it is, which is weird to me.

Go 10 days without eating or drinking shit and tell me it’s not going to do SOMETHING good for your body.

Eating this way forever is unrealistic, however I feel like it would be a good idea for me to pay better attention to my salt and sugar intake once I’m off the cleanse. I make such an effort to workout 4 times a week, but sometimes my diet suffers, without me even realizing it because of hidden salts and sugars.

As much as I want to binge on junk food and alcohol come Thursday, I am going to make my best efforts to slowly ween myself off the cleanse for fear of getting sick to my stomach.

However, a mug of coffee and the mini-Krackle that’s been on my desk since Halloween sure sounds yummy…

Cleanse…my soul?

Hey all!!!!!

Today is day 1 of my 10-day Advocare cleanse.

I feel like Advocare is a pretty popular cleanse choice, but don’t worry if you don’t know what it is… I’ll explain.

Basically, it’s a 10-day cleanse that consists of Advocare fiber drinks in the morning, and herbal supplements before bed. In between, I’m supposed to drink 4 liters of water, and eat anything that does NOT involve salt, sugar, white flour, starch, red meat, caffeine, alcohol, or dairy… or anything processed.

Yeah.

I did a similar cleanse a few years ago, and while it’s tough in the beginning, you feel GREAT afterward. Since you are ridding your body of toxins, by the end of the cleanse, you are relying on nothing but good things, so I found I slept really well, and my body woke up on it’s natural clock.

Aside from that, you lose a few pounds, but you feel so light and airy.

It’s kind of amazing.

The annoying thing about the cleanse is the preparation—you have to make everything from scratch so you can ensure there is no salt, sugar, etc. in it, so it takes awhile. Advocare recommends you prep ALL of your meals ahead of time, so you don’t get frustrated and run to the nearest fast food joint.

Smart.

So, I spent yesterday binge eating and drinking, while preparing all of my foods for the week. I made grilled chicken skewers (with veggies), brown rice, cleanse-friendly turkey & bean chili, hard-boiled eggs, plain oatmeal, and hummus. I even chopped, and bagged, all of my veggies to eat with the hummus.

So far, I’ve already drank about half the water I’m supposed to (I went to the gym this morning, so that helped), I had the fiber drink (disgusting) and I ate my breakfast (1 serving of oats, small serving of raw almonds, 1 serving of mixed berries) and I’m enjoying a cup of caffeine free apple cinnamon tea.

…So far so good… we’ll see if that continues.

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Gah! So much to say…

Hey all,

I know I’ve kind of been half-assing it over here on the blog…but that’s because I’ve got so much going on in the other areas of my life, which is always exciting.

You might remember a few months ago, when I quit working for the magazine. Well, since then, I’ve gotten so many offers for freelance work—it’s crazy! I took on a job editing someone’s book, which has been interesting and lucrative.

I am also meeting with a local magazine publisher this week to see if I can help her create more magazines—sweet!

Last week, I published my first Kindle book—I published it myself, but I’m still so excited that I’m now an author; something I’ve always wanted to be. Once I get the hang of it, I plan on publishing many more digital books!

For the last month, I’ve been working with an old friend on a podcast about relationships. We recorded our pilot last week and are recording episode 2 this week.

While my job is still pretty much same ole, same ole, I actually got a raise; my first raise ever!

When things with my career are going well; that often means I am in high spirits, too. And I’d say, for the most part, that is true. I’ve always hoped that my career would be booming with writing opportunities, and that is definitely the case today. It really is an amazing feeling.

On another front, yesterday was the first day of fall—my favorite season. I am looking forward to burning pumpkin candles, making apple cider and pumpkin bread, and maybe I’ll even enjoy watching a little football.

I hope you all are busy with the things you love lately—here’s to a happy fall!

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Let me elaborate.

After I found out D was cheating on me, I was upset for about a day. Then, about a week later, I found out he got dumped.

This made me feel better. It even made me laugh a little.

About a week after that, I found out he got fired from his job.

For stealing cash.

This made me dance in the middle of the grocery store.

Later, when I told this story to one of my guy friends, he told me that was mean of me, and that I shouldn’t wish ill on someone.

Let me set the record straight. I never wished ill upon him, I was merely celebrating the fact that justice had been served.

Although I now know that Karma is a real thing, finding out that not only was my ex cheating on me, but he was also stealing money the entire time…makes me wonder about the kind of person I am.

How did I have clearly NO idea who this person was? We practically lived together and little did I know he was living like 3 lives.

Since all of this went down, I’ve been getting several calls from blocked numbers…could it be D?

I have no idea.

I hate to admit it, but all of this really has me questioning relationships in general. I feel like the more I date, the more clueless I become.

I spoke to my therapist about this, and he told me it was okay to feel this way. He said it was understandable that I’m feeling guarded and even a little bit bitter.

According to Lopez, when I find the one, he’s going to be the one even if I’m guarded, and even if it takes me 6 months to come around.

This thought comforts me. Tremendously.

Thoughts?

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Introducing: Lucky & Gizzy’s book club!

For my birthday, Gizzy got me a book, and she got herself a copy too, so we’d have better things to talk about than our loser ex-boyfriends or the computer games we’ve been hooked on.

The book is Best Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner:

best_friends_forever

The book’s description:

Addie Downs and Valerie Adler will be best friends forever. That’s what Addie believes after Valerie moves across the street when they’re both nine years old. But in the wake of betrayal during their teenage years, Val is swept into the popular crowd, while mousy, sullen Addie becomes her school’s scapegoat.

Flash-forward fifteen years. Valerie Adler has found a measure of fame and fortune working as the weathergirl at the local TV station. Addie Downs lives alone in her parents’ house in their small hometown of Pleasant Ridge, Illinois, caring for a troubled brother and trying to meet Prince Charming on the Internet. She’s just returned from Bad Date #6 when she opens her door to find her long-gone best friend standing there, a terrified look on her face and blood on the sleeve of her coat. “Something horrible has happened,” Val tells Addie, “and you’re the only one who can help.”

Best Friends Forever is a grand, hilarious, edge-of-your-seat adventure; a story about betrayal and loyalty, family history and small-town secrets. It’s about living through tragedy, finding love where you least expect it, and the ties that keep best friends together.

…So far, this book is really, really good!

I think we’ve already got book #2 picked out, but if you’ve got any ideas for us, send them our way!

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Thank you!

Wow, I was so quickly reminded how awesome it is to be a part of the blog community after posting my series of posts about my now ex-boyfriend.

Thank you all for your kind words.

As much as my brain tells me I did the right thing, my heart constantly needs reminding.

I have heard from D since everything happened, and as you probably have guessed, he is still drinking, still staying up all night, and I would guess he is still driving under the influence.

I will say that I sleep much easier at night knowing that I won’t have to pick anyone up at the police station, or deal with some drunk asshole at my door telling me lies.

Last week, I flew home to see my family, friends, and Gizzy—a trip that D was supposed to take with me. While the empty plane seats next to me were a quiet reminder, nothing mends a broken heart like being around the people who really love you; those who can make you forget about the hurt.

Unfortunately, I am back at work today… blech! But thank you again for all of your comments…I love you all!

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Getting back to business.

The last time I met with Lopez, it was important to me that I talked to him about me.

Sure, technically everything we talk about is related to me, since he is my counselor. But really, I’m scared of losing myself in my relationship with D. It’s really important to me to remain true to my friends, my job, and mostly, my hobbies and things I like to do without D around.

A few weekends ago, I realized that I wasn’t making the most of my Saturdays and Sundays, which would send me to work Monday in a bad mood. I couldn’t pinpoint what the problem was until I really thought it through.

On Saturdays and Sundays, D works all day, so it’s the perfect opportunity for me to have “me” time or meet up with my girlfriends, hit the gym, or whatever I please. But for some reason, I hadn’t been acting on that and instead was just sitting around being a sloth and watching tv.

So these last few weekends, I’ve made a little to-do list for myself, even if it’s just “go to Sephora” or something fun and easy like that. When I actually do the things on my list, I feel productive and it feels like I made good use of my time.

Does it sound ridiculous? It’s a little weird to me that I have to make a list or whatever, but after talking to my counselor, I’m starting to see the reasons why.

For starters, most of my relationships have been abusive and particularly manipulative, so I have a habit of losing myself in relationships. When things ended with BEX, it was also the end of a bad string of guys, leaving me with no idea who I was, at all. If I felt sad about something, I would question that—should I feel sad?

Many hours of conversations have been spent with me asking Lopez, should I feel like this when this happens??? It’s been a tough ride.

Second of all, because my previous relationships have been so dysfunctional, I’ve never been in a relationship where things were just “okay” or just coasting or whatever. It’s always been some extreme high or an extreme low.

I cannot tell you the number of Saturdays I must have spent in bed crying, thinking BEX was mad at me, texting him apologizing for nothing, or seeing what he was doing and if we could meet up later.

Now, it’s not like that because there aren’t any questions. D is never mad at me, and he always comes over after his shift ends. So I’m left with hours to myself and not a clue with what to do! What do you all do on the weekends to unwind?

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Back on the salad train.

I know I am not the only woman out there who puts her diet on the back burner when you’ve got a guy gushing over you 24-7, right?

D is constantly complimenting me, telling me I’m sexy, and beautiful, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Usually, when I’m dating a guy, I want to hit the gym even harder, jump right into a new diet, and make sure I look good for my guy. But those were also times when I was dating super shallow assholes.

Of course, I still want to look good for D, but when he’s inviting me out to lunch and dinner and drinks, I always chose that over the gym. And then the whole chain reaction thing happens and the next thing you know I’m a fat sloth.

Not quite, but that’s what I feel like.

So, after a few weeks of only hitting the gym once or twice, I’m back at it.

I’ve been to the gym twice already this week (going once more tonight) and played kickball Tuesday night. I haven’t had a drink since Monday, and it was only half of a light beer. Go. Me.

Last night, I threw away anything unhealthy in my fridge and pantry and went grocery shopping for all things healthy.

Then, I cooked. I made lean tacos, skipped on the cheese, but loaded up all the fresh toppings. Then, I made individual cups of steel cut oatmeal with almond milk, cherries, and nuts…yum!

D doesn’t seem too thrilled about my health kick–he isn’t sold on the turkey tacos or my recipe for making him baked chicken wings instead of his usual fried ones.

But I refuse to look back a month from now and not be able to fit into my jeans!

I’m gonna go eat a string cheese now…

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Meet the parents II.

During the quick drive from the church to their home, D calls his parents asking if they need anything.

“We are going to stop at Walmart because Lucky needs a case of beer…” he told them (Baptists are anti-alcohol).

I gave him the evil stare.

He laughed, hanging up the phone, telling me to lighten up, that his family knew he was kidding and that they were big jokesters. Still.

D kept warning me that he “doesn’t come from money” and that his parents lived in the ghetto. Upon reaching their driveway, it wasn’t what I would consider the ghetto. It was an old house that needed some work, but I’m no one to judge—it was the house they raised three boys in, and now took care of several grandchildren.

Inside the house, dinner (a large pork roast) was cooking. There were Easter treats piled onto the kitchen table for all 5 grandkids. I found a spot on the counter to put my purse and parked myself there, answering questions as they were fired my direction.

“Lucky, you okay?” D asked me.

“Yeah, why?” I said.

“It’s going to be okay if you move from that spot,” he said.

It was awkward. It wasn’t my house, and everyone kept telling me not to be so quiet.

“But I am quiet!” I said.

“Ha! Yeah right, if you are dating my son there is no way you’re quiet,” his dad said.

When the kids asked if grandma would hide eggs for them, I said I would help. I jumped at the chance to get outside for a minute. So I took a bag of eggs (filled with Jolly Ranchers) and ventured into a leafy yard in my 4-inch gold high heels.

“Did you hide them really good?” D asked.

“Meh, some,” I said.

“You know if they can’t find them, you’ll have ruined Easter,” he said.

Did I mention he’s a little wise ass?

After lunch, D proceeded to fall asleep, the kids left, and there I was just mom and dad and me…

While I was worried at first, this actually poised a great opportunity for me to talk to them without the chatter of the others. We talked about my family, my job, and they told me how they met, how they got their house, and just how much they love D’s daughter.

While I didn’t walk away feeling like it was a home run, I felt I did a good job considering it was Easter and I was thrown into quite a mix, and just a month (yesterday marked one month) into our relationship.

We drove back to my apartment and it started to rain. We made it inside, opened the windows, and sat in the dark drinking wine and watching a marathon of “Extreme Couponers”…it was quite perfect.

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Words that I wish were real.

Yet another post I’ve wanted to write for a long time.

But I constantly find myself working on articles or blogs and typing a word that is indeed NOT a word. And then I wonder, “Why isn’t this a word?” and then I realize that indeed, I’ve tried to type that world probably 500 times and yet, I still keep typing it and still keep wondering why it’s not a word.

Am I alone here? Here is my list of words that I wish were words:

  • Everytime—if “Anytime” is a word, then how come “Everytime” is not? Even “onetime” is a word. 
  • Somenights—Again, somedays vs. somenights? I don’t get it.
  • Backlinks—this is a word, in the blogosphere, but WordPress nor Microsoft Word has caught on yet.
  • Wokeup—wakeup is a word, but what about “I wokeup.” WTF

I know there’s more, and I just need to make note of them when they come up (“Comeup” would be nice), which means an awesome second post for you guys.

However, I was looking online to see if anyone else was feeling the same way and I found a hilarious list of words that should be words here.

Checkout #7: Dimp and #11: Elbonics

Anyway, I have tomorrow off because of the holiday and as you can see, I’ve pretty much checked out for the weekend. On that note… PEACE!

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