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The Welcome Back Party

Herrooo old friends!!! I’m going to be totally honest and tell you that I have no good excuse for going AWOL for a hot minute. Lucky and I have been talking for a few months about resurrecting the blog because we’re both kind of in the same place in our lives and we’ve got some things planned in the next few months that will probably be semi-entertaining to read about, so we thought better now than never! I just know I really haven’t been up to much the last couple of years and my life would have been SO boring to read about, unless you’d love to read about me trotting around the country drinking with my friends or recaps of Teen Mom and The Bachelor, in which case – I’m your girl!

After the whole Nutter Butter breakup and my failed attempt at dating a super-hot guy fresh out of college 2 years ago, I decided that I was tired of guys treating me like I was disposable and dating needed to be my last priority, so I stopped dating. It wasn’t long before it became really apparent to me that when you’re in your late 20s and you stop dating, that also means you stop having sex (side note: that doesn’t mean I didn’t TRY to have sex. I did try, with a really hot guy in the Navy that I met while I was out celebrating my 29th birthday. It is surprisingly hard to get a guy to just hook up with you and promise to never call you again.) When I came up with this plan I was about to turn 28 and hadn’t been without a guy since I was 14. I was serial dating all the wrong guys, knowing they were the wrong guys, but continuing to date them because I didn’t know how to be alone. And, what girl in her 20s doesn’t think she can rid a guy of all his bad habits? The stuff that I let those douchers get away with doing to me is so shameful, and I finally realized that if I didn’t take the time I needed to figure out who I was without a boyfriend, I would continue to date these awful guys and would probably end up married to and then divorced from one of them. If this is the part where you expect me to tell you that I finally met Prince Charming (See: Neal Bledsoe), then look away now, because that didn’t happen. I’m still single, but more stable and [I would hope] able to make better decisions. And when I say “better decisions,” I mean in the long run, I’m totally not opposed to bad decisions that are short term/one night stands with hot guys because… 2 years.

Also, this isn’t a post about self-discovery. I mean, come on, look who you’re talking to here: I’m still totally inappropriate and get way too drunk with my friends, albeit a lot less frequently now that we’re maturing. I’m still not really sure what I want to do with my life, but I finally realized that I’m not going to figure it out by dating assholes that cheat on me and have the audacity to manipulate me into thinking I deserved it. LOLZ – the fact that those things ever happened is so stupid, but it makes me pretty happy to know it’s all documented on this blog.

The whole “I’m not dating at all” concept is perplexing to basically everyone I tell. All my friends and family have tried to set me up so many times, like SO many times, these last 2 years and would then get super offended when I turned down the offer because they don’t understand why I would choose to be alone while I’m in my prime baby making years. Uh, maybe because guys are man whores and I don’t feel like being emotionally drained and worrying about STDs all the time? I don’t know! I’ve ruined a few friendships with guy friends who thought this stint of singledom would be the best time to finally ask me out. I know telling someone not to take it personal is almost always bullshit, and it is still total bullshit in my case because of course if the perfect guy came along (See: Neal Bledsoe above) I wouldn’t have turned him down, but I wasn’t about to waste my time or theirs when I already knew I wouldn’t be that into it. I’m pretty sure my family thinks I’m a lesbian (as long as Neal is still out there that’ll never happen) since I’m not married and don’t have a bunch of babies, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re from a small town. My Grandma sat me down for a serious conversation a few months ago about getting artificially inseminated so I could have a family, there’s a cute guy at her church she thinks would do it – and by do it she meant jizz in a cup, not actually fuck me. My guy friends that are married have been pushing me to stay single for as long as possible and live the good life, because once you get married it’s a long road of misery, or at least that’s what they tell me. I overheard my Stepdad telling some other family members that it (my love life) will all be okay because I’ll be able to start catching guys on the next round. What’s the next round? Oh it’s just all the guys that got married and popped out a bunch of babies when they were 22 who are now 30 and getting divorced. Exactly what I want, a divorcee with a bunch of babies. Real talk, it’s kind of fun watching everyone squirm because they can’t figure me out. But, I’m almost ready to start dating again, like seeing one more Nicholas Sparks movie alone and then I’ll date anyone with a pulse almost ready.

P.s. As of today, Neal Bledsoe still has not approved my facebook friend request, but I’m okay with it. A few months ago, after 4 ½ years of persistence, he finally acknowledged my existence on twitter. Small victories.

P.p.s. We just got Instagram: Instagram.com/cocktailsattiffanys

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I had a shitty weekend. Real shitty.

Hmmm… where do I begin?

On Friday, I was SUPPOSED to have a second date with the passive guy from Ok Cupid. In the morning, he sent me a text asking if we were still on for that night. Yes, I said. Do you want to meet me or can I pick you up? he asked. I told him he could pick me up. He asked if 6 pm would be an okay time. I said yes.

Then he asked: Can I be honest with you for a second?

I said yes, of course. And I knew it was coming.

He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t feel like I looked him in the eye very much on our first date, nor did I do a good job of making conversation.

Ummm what? We hung out from 7pm until about 3 am, so….

I asked him if our first date sucked so bad, then why did he ask me on a second date (not to mention, why did he read my blog and buy my book)?

He said he actually did have a good time on our first date, but that since I didn’t text him very much afterward, he thought maybe i was not interested. Because of that, he actually WASN’T going to ask me on a second date, but then he just thought “you never know.”

I’ve been on some dates with some assholes, but I’ve never had a guy plan an entire evening, and then text me 4 hours before he’s supposed to pick me up, and tell me that because I didn’t look him in the eye or text him enough, that he didn’t want to go on the date.

Anyway, since it was the Friday before a holiday weekend, my boss was kind enough to let us leave early (like at 2pm). She knows I work a lot after-hours and on the weekends, so to her, it really wasn’t even a break, she just didn’t see the point in making us sit in an office when there was pretty much no one around.

Oh, but of course! Someone in my office was stalking my Twitter feed and saw a tweet that said it felt good to be at home. The Tweet was posted before 5pm on Friday, so my coworker (not exactly sure which one) took a screen capture of it and showed my boss’ boss.

So we all got in trouble.

For what, I’m not exactly sure.

Then Saturday night rolls around and I’m with my friends, having some drinks, blah blah blah. When I wake up Sunday morning, I have another email from my boss saying that one of my coworkers (not sure who, again) took offense to things I was Tweeting Saturday night, so he/she screen-capped them and sent them to my boss, saying that it was not a good representation of our company.

CAN A BITCH GET A BREAK?

So, now, I’m at work, sitting here, not really sure if I’m going to get lectured later or not. I seriously hate my job. If anyone knows of a job in web/social media/editing/writing… let me know. I don’t care where it is.

SOS.

Dates, dates…

Hey yo! Well, ever since I got my stupidly small raise at work, I’ve been focusing on other things that are much more important…like me!

So, I’m still on an online dating site, and I FINALLY met up with this guy I’ve been talking to on there for about two months. After about six weeks of messing through the service, we traded phone numbers and decided to meet up.

While he nice, and looks like he looks in his profile pictures, I’m not quite sure the spark is there. We do have a lot to talk about — even though he seems pretty passive and agrees with me on most subjects. Which actually makes me wonder what would really piss him off? Just out of curiosity.

The weird thing about him? I think he stalked me a little too much before we met up. I don’t mean he looked at my online profile several times (though he did), I mean he googled where I’m from and mentioned it on our date. Like he knew the county name and the population.

That’s shit I don’t even know.

In the meantime, he reads my blog, which is cool, but texts me about my post of the day. Is it weird that this gets on my nerves? Like, I don’t really want to discuss the topics on my blog. He also admitted that he bought my book — which is cool — and that he already read it.

I don’t know… I’m just kind of turned off. I am used to guys not supporting me, so I’m trying to turn a new leaf and say, “Hey, this guy is just trying to be supportive!” But part of me thinks it’s a little weird.

When our first date was over, we hugged goodbye, and I thought…well, if he asks me out again, I think it deserves another shot; if he doesn’t, I don’t really care.

He asked me out again for Friday night, so we’ll see how it goes. In the meantime, what do you guys think, am I being too weird or is he?

Captain peg leg.

Hey hey!!

I am writing to you all from the comfort of my bed! Am I sick? Heck no! I’ve having my very own version of Ferris Bueller’s Day off… only I’m not going to a bunch of cool places in Chicago.

Instead, I’m in bed, watching the television marathon of Below Deck… and yes, I’ve had this day planned for at least a month, because I love this show, and it’s never on TV, but TONIGHT is the season 2 premier!!!!!

Although I planned to completely be lazy today, I actually got one freelance project finished and I put my dishes away and cleaned my bathroom… not so lazy, right?

Truth be told, I never have liked missing work or school, but I do feel like I’ve been working my ass off lately, with little-to-no recognition for it. I cannot remember if I’ve mentioned this already, and I’m definitely too lazy to go look, but I did get a raise. A whopping 3.4% raise. I wanted 10.

And I do not mean to sound greedy. I just feel like I took on a job that wasn’t even the one I applied for, and I did it without complaining, so where’s the reward?

I feel like I’m torn, because I think I could be making more money working somewhere else, but I’m not so sure I want to leave where I am — this is a battle I’ve always got on my mind.

But until I figure it out… I’m going to enjoy the rest of my day playing hookie (and hitting the gym, of course). Until next time…

Herrrroooo!!!

Hey guys! Sorry it’s been so long!

I am just returning from spending a week with Gizzy & Buttons, and it was SO fun, I’m pretty much still recovering. I have so much to tell you guys, but I’ll try not to ramble, and I’ll try to remember everything.

Initially, Gizzy invited me to town for a wedding she was invited to — it was my first time as a “plus one,” and it was really fun, considering the wedding was VERY FANCY, only we both got hammered, and I thought I was going to barf, and then we both started crying (not until the cab ride tho) because we’re single, and actually Gizzy was the one who ended up being sick.

Go us.

The rest of the week followed suit, as we ate and drank all sorts of yummy things, watched trashy TV (including The Bachelorette finale, who’s glad she picked Josh?!??!?!), and all-in-all, it was a jolly time. When I got back into town, one of my coworkers picked me up and filled me in on everything that happened at the office since I’ve been out.

While most of what she said was pretty standard, she DID say that I could look online and get my raise information. I was really nervous to look, but I did… and I was disappointed.

Before the raise, my salary was $41,600. The raise bumped me to $43,014.

Do I sound like a diva? When I told my coworker about the raise, she was all, “CONGRATS, THATS SO AWESOME, I HOPE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT RETURNING TO WORK!!!!”

Umm, it really didn’t. I think that’s like a 3% raise, and I was hoping for 8-10%. I feel like I’ve taken on an entirely different job, without being asked, and I’ve done a pretty awesome job at it, not to mention that I’ve only gotten one raise in the 6 years I’ve worked here (when I went from $40K to $41K).

I dunno, what do you guys think? Standard? Or am I being a diva?

Alright, here goes…

Hey yoooooooo!

I’m really glad to say that I’m feeling a lot better this week. After being so stressed out last week, I decided to hunker down over the weekend and get a TON of work done, which resulted in earning some extra cash to help me pay some bills.

The weight is slowing being lifted.

Meanwhile, these past two months, I’ve totally just been feeling BORED with myself. Yes, I’ve got friends and I’m still going to the gym and blogging and my freelance work, and my regular job, but I’m still just always by myself, and sometimes I feel like I’m just sick of hanging out with myself!

I mean I’m cool, but… not that cool.

And so, I decided to make another profile for online dating.

If you recall, last summer I spent 30 days, and also 30 dollars, just to email a ton of people, meet one, and ultimately be REJECTED by him after just one coffee meetup.

It was stupid and I felt like I paid money to get rejected and feel like shit about myself, when I do that for free on a regular basis.

But since I decided to go with a free online dating option, I feel way less pressure. I feel like even if I just meet people to talk to or to hang out with, that would be really cool.

Having said that, I’ve been on the dating site for less than 48 hours, and I’m happy to say that 41 different dudes have messaged me.

Of course, not all of them are winners. I’m having a few solid conversations though. Here’s the rundown:

1. OutdoorsyGuy

He’s 31, studying at the school I went to, getting his phd. That’s pretty much all I know about him, and we are getting coffee Thursday morning.

2. TattooGuy

Also 31, his birthday was today. He has lots of tattoos. Seems cute, funny. Exchanged probably 20 messages so far.

3. SportsGuy

37. Sports blogger. Pretty cute in a way that I’ve never experienced. Definitely cool to talk to.

4. BeardGuy

33. Beard Guy I am completely digging. Like major. He actually already knows who I am because we have some mutual friends, but I don’t recall actually “meeting” him. So far, he just seems super laid back and cool, and into going on dates, and really likes music. Because of this, he manages a live music venue. Bad for scheduling… and I mean, service industry. I kind of have a bad taste in my mouth from my ex with that… but I feel like I’ll just see where this goes. Right now we’re just messaging… I am hoping he’ll want to meet soon!

Eeek!

See? Look how exciting this is!

I think I’m having an anxiety attack.

Ugh, I’m so sorry that this blog has now become the place I go to when I need to bitch about my job, but lately, that’s all that’s been going on in my life, which is really sad and pathetic, I know.

Yesterday, I filled out my annual evaluation and my boss updated my job description (for a second time) to reflect the work I actual do. She said we’re going to meet sometime this week to have my evaluation, and while I don’t think she will tell me about my raise then, I am really feeling anxious to get these steps underway so I can make plans.

I am feeling so stressed over money right now — I’ve got some pretty massive bills due and some trips coming up and I want to have enough money to spend and have fun, so I’ve been doing a ton of freelance work to make some money appear.

I am just HOPING that I get a decent raise at my job to alleviate some of this stress… I will keep you all posted.

Thanks for listening!

I hate the way you work it.

Work has just been as crazy as ever lately. Here we are, 6 months out from when Fatso got fired, and there’s still no one to fill his position, leaving the 3 of us in my department to cover the extra work.

The thing is, one of the women in in my department, we’ll call her Outback, she doesn’t help us at all. She is eligible for retirement, and she pretty much just sits in her office all day, filing her nails and reading mystery novels.

Sounds pretty nice!

When we (me and my boss) have asked her for help, she says she’s “Not 20 years old,” and that she just doesn’t know how to do it, despite us showing her how several times.

Last week, I finally mentioned something about it to our boss’ boss, and said that this extra work has actually become my work, leaving me no time to do my actual work (work, work, work).

This concerned the big boss, and she turned to Outback and asked, “What are you doing to help?” It was obvious that she’s doing nothing, and so she sat there, and shrugged her shoulders.

This resulted in a talking-to, and a quick change of our job descriptions, and then later, a complete yelling fest between my boss and Outback — no seriously, Outback was in the hallway yelling at my boss: “I DONT KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO ANYMORE!”

…And I felt like I was on an episode of Real Housewives, New Jersey.

I left during the yelling match (not because I wanted to, because I had to teach), and so I’m not really sure how it was resolved — or if it was. But ever since then, Outback has been in my office doorway, acting like she gives a damn, and it’s really annoying, because she’s still not doing actual work.

Instead, she’s just replying to emails with, “Okay,” so she can show that she’s “on top of emails.”

I know that it’s not my job to point out the obvious, and so for as long as I can stand it, I’m just going to let my work speak for itself — my boss did tell me last week that she knows I’ve been kicking ass, and doing a great job, so we’ll see if she can put her money where her mouth is.

 

Well, that was a #Fail.

At the advice of my friends, I called Matt back two days later.

And got his voicemail. So I left a message.

And you can imagine how pissed I was when I didn’t hear back from him two days after that. So, being the mature, classy mother fuck that I am, I sent him a text message saying that I would just rather assume he was abducted by aliens than continue bothering him for the closure that I deserved.

He replied my text a day later saying this:

I’m back from a camping trip with some coworkers… Sorry, no phones allowed there, but not a good excuse for not texting earlier. I was a little intimidated when you told me not to call with the usual it’s not you it’s me stuff too I suppose. Anyway, I’m basically a huge mess of life and my head is all wrong right now. Never been so out of sorts. Sorry you’re the one to get all the fallout from that. It’s not very fair.

 

Excuse me while I get my magnifying glass to search for his balls.

An update on the update…

Ugh, this week has been CRAZY at work — I cannot tell you just how happy I am that tomorrow is FRIDAY, and I’m really looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday.

Anyway, to give you an update on my date situation… After I was pissed off Tuesday night (last week), he called me Wednesday night. I missed the call due to showering (for once), and called him back.

He told me that what he said was true, work had been crazy ever since he’d returned from vacation, and he hadn’t been feeling well. He also told me that he was a little bummed out after visiting with his friend…

You see, she is a childhood friend — his best friend — and he met her girlfriend, who lives with her, and he said it just felt different, like he knows they’re going to get married, and he felt like his friendship would be different because of it.

To me, that was understandable, but wasn’t really making up for the weird way he’d been acting.

And then he really said it…

He told me that while he was out of town, he had a visit with his ex girlfriend.

Oh, AWESOME.

Oddly, I knew she lived in the city he was visiting, because on our first date, I asked him about his last serious relationship. He told me that he dated this girl for a year, and he got a job offer 15,000 miles away. She looked for jobs in the same city, got one, and moved there. When he started packing his boxes, his job fell through…

So now she lives there (has lived there for a year) and he lives here.

I don’t know if that was the first time they saw each other since all of that happened, and I don’t know if they tried the whole long-distance thing.

What he told me was that they met up, and she told him that she hated her boyfriend (umm, ok) and she decided that since she was never going to find love, she was just going to focus on her career.

Dear God.

He said he felt guilty. Really guilty.

He also said he wasn’t even going to tell me about it because, “it isn’t a big deal, she lives 15,000 miles away…” but obviously it was a big enough deal for him to act weird toward me.

Really, that was a week ago and it was the last time we talked. He ignored my text in the following days afterward, and told our mutual friend who set up up that he “needed to call Lucky.”

He called me last night, and I didn’t answer it, because I’m trying to avoid that whole “It’s not you, it’s me” conversation… he left a voicemail, which said:

“Hey Lucky, it’s Matt. I wanted to touch base with you a little bit because I haven’t really been in contact. So, give me a call, or I’ll shoot you a text, and we’ll touch base then. Have a good night. Bye.”

HMMMMMMMM.