I know how much you all missed my Twattering session Monday night during The Bachelor: The Women Tell All. I was really busy getting shit-faced. So now, I’m sitting at work, watching the episode online. And for your reading pleasure, here is my commentary.
The show starts off, of course, with a lil preview of the cat fight to come. But, in true Bachelor fashion, I have a feeling this episode is just going to be a let down.
Next, is a series of “memories” that Brad and Chris Harrison are commenting on. Blah, blah, blah…they show Chantal’s slap when she meets Brad, the carnival date with Ashley, the course of his relationship with “Fangs,” his dates with Shantal N (Las Vegas, the hometown date) in which he said it was the weirdest hometown date (duh), and of course, they discuss Michelle (aka. Cray Cray) and her mysterious black eye.
Oh and then, Chris informs us all that Bachelorettes from previous seasons are “getting together” to talk about it—deeming it the “craziest reunion ever.” Hrm….somehow I think that’s a lie. Why would I care about previous bachelorettes? Oh right, I don’t.
Aaaand we’re back, when Chris announces there will be a second season of Bachelor Pad (I never watched the first one, but I heard it was ridiculous cray cray). This one includes the finest from Jake’s season—Vienna and Roselyn. Two slutty McSluts.
Finally, onto the actual show—the women of this Bachelor. Honestly, I don’t remember half of these ladies. I mean it really doesn’t mean shit unless you’re in the final four.
We kick things off with the first night and the ladies’ first impression. Of course, all the ladies say they love Brad from the moment they saw him and wanted to suck his dick right away. Please.
The conversation quickly turns to the tension in the house among the girls—especially the fued between Rachel and Melissa. I really never did understand the fight and I obviously still don’t.
There were also scenes of “Fangs” and Michelle. And some stupid blonde stands up for Michelle and says “she’s just sarcastic.” No, she’s just a bitch and you don’t want your ass beat. Clearly. The other ladies disagree with the blonde bitch, and the fight begins.
Michelle cries. Ashley cries. It’s pretty stupid.
After that, Chris says it’s “time to settle the fued” between Melissa and Rachel. Melissa is first in the hot seat and she claims her innoscence, while Melissa’s blood is boiling in the group seat. Then some genius is all, “the moral of the story is don’t act like that in front of a guy.”
Well, 90 percent of the shit on this show is everyone acting like a crazy ass fool, so whatever.
Next, Michelle is in the hot seat. She said what everyone says when they’re on a reality show—the show was a misinterpretation of who she is. Yadda yadda yadda. Most of the girls aren’t buying her sob story, so she keeps going on and on saying she did the show for the right reasons—to find love for her and her daughter…which just sounds weird to me.
Ashley (not the annoying one), who got the first rose, is next up. We see the course of her relationship with Brad…and the gawd awful sobbing when she gets rejected.
Next is Annoying Ashley. And we get reminded of the CRAY CRAY that she really is. Her moment in the hot seat was strange. she talks forever about how the relationship failed because of her and she doesn’t know if she was in love or not. Then Chris is all, “I hate to break it to you, but you were in love.” Umm how the fuck would you know?
Finally, it’s Brad’s turn to talk. And within 15 seconds, he reminds me why he’s such a douche when he says, “I promised my significant other that I would only be marginally happy to see all of you.”
Then, he stands up for Michelle, saying he doesn’t think she has a malicious bone in her body. Sure. He has a moment with Annoying Ashley where she apologizes for wasting his time. Brad being Brad…he’s all, no no no it’s fine!!
And now, he says he’s the happiest he’s ever been, and he’s falling more and more in love with “this woman” every day. BARF.
Now, I think I’ve pretty much figured this show out. After watching so many of the seasons, I can see it’s all bullshit. But I will say I was a little disappointed when I read this (Brad Womack’s Ex: He Proposed to Me Before the Bachelor) while getting my hair did yesterday. Google “Brad Womack’s Ex” and you can see the texts he was sending her right before he left for the show and even e-mails he sent her DURING the taping.
UGH. Oh well, don’t forget to join me on Twitter Monday for the finale!
Tonight, my ladies, is my final pole dancing class. We are going to learn the final five tricks in our routine and then get to invite our female friends to come watch our full performances, complete with costumes. I haven’t decided what I should wear yet (I’ve been wearing leggings and a tank to the other classes), but I feel I need something I little sexier for my performance. Thoughts?