Tag Archives: alcohol

Just some things..

Hey kids… things are getting spicy around here.  LIVENING UP THE PLACE! We’ve got a lot to cover today, mostly things that I feel like I need to document so that when my memory doesn’t serve me I can come back here and see what actually happened.  Here is our agenda:

*A super duper exciting awesome surprise for Lucky via our Vegas Trip

* My career advancement

* How 2 guys from my past almost messed shiz up with High School Crush

Ok, let’s get started!

Lucky – I was at this luncheon for work the other day and got to chatting with my only friends in the office.  We were yammering on about how none of us have any savings because we all lurve to travel.  The token single lady in the office – she is 50, owns a house with her sister, and has never been married (a story for another day) – but she travels all the time offered some Vegas advice.  First, she said we will have the time of our lives at MGM. CHECK! Then she was all, “LISTEN UP! I’m about to tell you some free things to do…” Some of them I was like eh whatevs, I’d rather pay $30 and get a margarita the size of my head but one thing stuck out in particular.  At one Caeser’s Palace there is a MARTHA STEWART garden that she MS, the hoodrat herself, comes to garden in every season.  Since you’re such a MS fan I thought it in our best interest to check it out whilst wearing our sequins and drinking our giant ‘ritas.

Next.

I had an interview Wednesday morning for a job in the city I want to live in.  I know right? I’m excited too.  Anyway, it started out as an in person interview, then somewhere along the way they figured out that I live far away and asked that we just do a phone interview for now.  So Wednesday morning I got up early for this interview and it went really well.  The guy that was interviewing me seemed like he was either 85 years old or not all there.  Either way, I think it worked to my advantage.  I’ll find out next week if I make it to the second round.  Clinky! Here’s hoping!

With that being said the guy had THE best job interview question I have ever heard, or maybe it’s just because I could totally relate to the question.

“What is your biggest pet peeve when it comes to co-workers?”

I had to hold the phone away from my face so he couldn’t hear me laughing.  I mean really, I could have kept the guy on the phone all day.  But in an attempt to not sound unprofessional by being like, “WELL! The guy next to me likes to announce what’s going on in his daughter’s sex life and that kind of bugs me.” I managed to dwindle it down to people being unprofessional and unorganized, which 99% of Ciggy Breath’s annoying habits fall under.

Moving on…

So, remember a few weeks ago when I spent the night with HSC? Right, I know.  How could you forget.  I forgot to mention a few things that happened, and honestly forgot about them until they were coming out of my mouth when I was talking to Lucky the other night on the phone.

So first, remember The Bed Wetter? I mean, this kid has got to have THE worst timing of anyone I know. Literally 5 seconds after HSC and I got to the bar, we’re standing there talking to his friends, and his sister’s husband when The Bed Wetter comes up from behind me, puts his arm around me and says, “Hey you’re pretty hot, can I buy you a drink?” Honestly dude? So I turn around see it’s him, act overly excited to see him like we are long lost pals and say, “Hey where’s your girlfriend!?” Within earshot of HSC.  Bed wetter apologized for interrupting and moved on.

The next morning after HSC and I woke up on Chuck’s basement futon, we decided to go get some breakfast.  So we’re sitting at breakfast chatting away and I look up and see Douchearoo’s roommate/best friend that I’ve hooked up with (his name is The Farmer) standing in front of our table.

Thankfully he is 9 feet tall and didn’t see my shrimpiness sitting there, but it could have been really bad had he seen me.  Or had we seen Douchearoo out the night before.  The unfortunate thing is he probably did see me and just didn’t say anything, but I’m sure he went back and told Douchearoo and now D-roo has got it on his radar to look out for me/ruin my life.  Sigh. The no drama part of the HSC stuff was fun while it lasted.

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Bootified

Is errybody so happy it is FRIDAY!? I am!!

I’m real tired, last night I went out in the big city with Deena.  I knew it was a bad idea when she suggested it, and even though I only had 1.25 beers and was in bed before midnight (my usual bedtime) I’m still tired as all get out.

The night was pretty fun, although I’m starting to realize more and more that I’m just not a good time in social settings unless I am waste face.  The whole time I was standing in the first 3 crowded bars we went to I kept trying to think of excuses I could use to go home and lay in my bed (that didn’t include, “I’m missing Jersey Shore right now”, the REAL reason I wanted to go home).  The bars were hot, there were people everywhere, and drinks were getting spilled all over my suede booties.  Not ok. 

You see, High School Crush and I often talk about my suede booties, for they are my lucky booties.  I don’t know if it’s the fact that they make me really tall, make me look super thin and hot, the fact that they are just really cool looking, or maybe it’s just that I call them booties and he thinks it’s funny, but for whatever reason my booties are his BFFFL.

At the Christmas party, HSC and I were standing at the bar and he was asking me what I thought of his new loafers and he rose up his foot to show me.  When I noticed they had fur on the inside I gasped and said, “Well do they have zipper or do they tie or at least have a place to put your pennies?” and he was all… no, they just slide on, no pennies.  And I was all, oh you’ve been fake loafed, those are slippies.  No one likes to get fake loafed, so he was upset obvi, and demanded to see my shoes:

Bootied.  I couldn’t find the picture of my exact booties, but these are pretty close, instead of the ruffles in the middle mine have a giant oversized suede bow.  Super cute. Of course when I showed HSC the booties, I could see it in his eyes that he thought the booties were like the best shoe ever made, but he played it off all cool and was like, “Yeah ok I like those.”  But now they are kind of a running joke and have taken on a life of their own. 

When we met up at the festival a few weeks ago, we had hardly broken away from our hello hug when he asked why I wasn’t wearing the booties.  I had to be like, “Well it’s raining, and we’re walking a lot, so you know – it’s not the place for the booties.” He seemed upset, but I was like meh, whatever, the booties can’t always make an appearance that would make them less cool. 

But now I kind of think he likes the booties more than he likes me.  Last week when I was sick and told him I was going to OD on Nyquil and rom com’s to make myself feel better, the next day he asked how the booties were doing, and I was like oh they’re fine, but me? I’m dying, thanks for asking.  When I told him I was going out last night to meet a friend for drinks he asked if I’d be taking the booties along and when I said yes he was like, “Oh they’re going to have a great time!” What about meeeee? What about my great time? I take those damn booties where they go! They’d be nothing without me. 

He hasn’t asked yet today if the booties had a good time last night, but when he does I’m going to have to break it to him that they got spilled on last night and are now sporting a lovely jizz looking stain, right on the bow.  Booties got bow jizz.

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It’s the saddest day, of the yeaaaaaar….

First things first, as of 12:45 pm today Neal Bledsoe has not accepted my facebook friend request.

I just had this crazy, sad dream about High School Crush.  I tried to make myself fall asleep so that I could fall back into it. But, what better to wake up to on a Friday afternoon then a  new post from your favorite bloggers about something that didn’t happen in real life with a guy who I’ll never get.

With all of the recent high school crush dramas going on around Thanksgiving where we almost hung out but didn’t quite make it, made me think that I am going to have to make the plunge and some week here soon I’m just going to say, “Hey HSC I am going to be in your city this Friday night, so let’s get together (ya ya yaaa.)”  If he agrees to it, I’ll make the haul, if he doesn’t, I’ll move away, never look back and won’t wonder what it could have been.

I know, this is all very melodramatic for me.  But, I am very close to getting a job offer pretty far away and Lucky and I have plans to skip town next summer for fresh start somewhere new.  I think I’m having anxiety about taking this job, even though I only plan on keeping it for 8 months, I was expecting to be at home until next summer and have some time to get things out of the way, the semi-relationship that needs to happen with HSC so I can get it out of my system once and for all, but I don’t want to move yet.  Hence the dream about HSC telling me, “Gizzy, it will NEVER happen if you take that job.”  But, I’m not going to not take an awesome job that will give me a little bit of experience just to see if things can get rolling with a guy who has chosen 2 fat ugly girls over me in the past.  Total foreshadowing into the dream. I know you want to hear it, so buckle your seat belt, here goes (from now on my dream sequences will be in green as it is quite difficult to distinguish my dreams from reality bruhahaha):

Lucky was home and we were boozin’ it up the night before the main scene of the dream takes place, we had gotten ourselves some tequila and Korbel (always classy.)  There wasn’t much going on the night we were boozin’ it up, just a flash of us sitting there with Korbel and tequila like big fat losers, honestly it was probably New Years Eve, but I have no idea.  To be quite honest I think it was the night before New Years Eve and this party you will read about in a minute was New Years Eve.

The next night rolls around and we have a big high school party to go to.  Obviously, this is a dream because Lucky and I wouldn’t go to a high school party now.  So we got ready, and for some reason I was putting my make up on like a weirdo.  I put lipstick on as eyeshadow and god knows what else, but it looked good.  Actually I looked better than I ever have in my whole entire life, but that’s beside the point.  No one puts lipstick on their eyelids, not even in dreams.  We grabbed our Korbel and our tequila and hit the road for the party.  I couldn’t tell you whose house the party was in or at.  Half of the people were in a room with a bar ripping shooters and the other half were in a different room sitting at tables and on couches and all that.

Lucky runs off with the tequila to take shooters at the bar and I wander into the other room (also would never happen in real life, Lucky and I wouldn’t leave each other’s side, no man left behind.) So I sit down and this girl, we’ll call her Meg, came up to me and was all, “GIZZY! OMG did you see who HSC is here with?” And I’m all, “WHAT!! HE’S HERE!!!? WITH A GIRL!?!!!? WHERE????” Not embarrassed at all that obviously everyone knows I heart him.   She pointed to where he was sitting, I cranked my neck and made it super obvious I was looking for him, “OH MY GOD! SUSIE?! HE’S HERE WITH SUSISE? HOW IN THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN?” Susie from our school is a white trash ho.  Maybe not even a ho, but she is gross, ugly, fat, has a bad personality, and is known as a pathological liar.  Susie is her real name, and I won’t change it to protect her identity, actually Susie isn’t her real name, she changed it like our sophomore year in high school from Ashley, and told everyone “Susie” was her birth name and she was going by that now.  I think now she’s got some young ones running around and lives in a box or something.  IDK, clearly I still have bad feelings because she was at a party with HSC in my dream. AND by the way – HSC would never touch Susie with a 100 foot rod in real life.  I just have to keep telling myself that.

So anyway, Meg started telling me that Susie and HSC have been off and on for a few years and they’re off right now but talking again and how she won’t let him out of her sight yada yada yada.  So I sat in some rocking chairs with Meg and talked about what to do about this predicament for a while.   Here is another thing, Meg and I weren’t the greatest of friends in high school.  Lucky hated her with a passion and we did many eggings to her car, among other things.  So this is all just so bizzare.  Meg and I are sitting there watching HSC and Susie hold hands, laugh, and flirt together and every time they would get up to leave the room they would hold hands and it’s enough to make me want to puke right now typing it.

Lucky came in the room and we sat down on a couch, I told her what was up with HSC and Susie and the next thing we know HSC is getting up from him and Susie’s table and says he’ll be back.  Susie is all, “OH BABY! I’ll come with you.” (GAG!)  And he tells her no that he’s going alone and walks up to me doesn’t say a word and hugged me.  And I was like OMG! Freaking out and I’m pretty sure I was like, “Susie? Really?” And he pulled away from our hug and then I saw his face coming toward mine, in my head I was going OMG OMGOMG HE’S GOING TO KISS ME!!

And then I woke up.  Ok, so a dream kiss isn’t that big of a deal to most people, even though I don’t know if he really was going to kiss me, he could’ve been moving in to ralph on my face.  That’s the funny thing about dreams, you nevvvvveeer know what’s going to happen next.  (For example, say Greenville to Lucky and watch her shudder because of a dream a long long time ago, muhahaha.) But, remember I don’t have much recollection of the one other time HSC and I kissed back in high school.  So maybe if we had a dream kiss it would’ve been one of those things like on Armageddon when Bruce Willis pushes the button to blow up the meteor and has flashes of his whole life.  It would’ve been like my life from now to that night we kissed back in high school flashing back and then I would’ve seen the kiss from the night on spring break and remembered exactly how it happened.

Anyway,  I laid in bed for a good half hour trying to decipher what this dream really means.  Last night there was a charity party at a bar that a lot of people from high school were going to be at, I was going to go to with Gigi (some how she knows the guy that I went to high school with that was putting it on, small world) and I had even planned on texting high school crush on Thursday to ask him if he was going.  But my interview far away got in the way of it, and I never got to text him, and Gigi never called me to go to the party.  Also Lucky and I were discussing last night a party we attended in college that HSC was at, so that may have triggered it.  But, I mostly think it’s the job, I think I’m going to get this job and I’m going to take it so that I can move out of my parents house, and I’m going to move far away from high school crush and any chance that was there will go away and I’ll never know.

So, anyone who is like ze bomb at dream interpreting have at it.  I can even tell you what clothing we were wearing if anyone gives a shit lick.  I don’t know why I just said that, but I’m keeping it.

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