Tag Archives: baby

The Rise and Fall of Crack Day

This past week I got to be the dumper instead of the dumpee.  No, I wasn’t lucky enough to dump an actual guy. I dumped Starbucks, and left it crying on the curb like a little baby.

You see, I haven’t always been a coffee advocate.  After hearing about the Pumpkin Spice Latte for literally the past decade, I decided to give it a try this year.  And then I became obsessed, and then it was all I talked about, and then I got my mom, my aunt, and my 9 year old sister obsessed too and we would have PSL parties on the weekend mornings and run around for the next 6 hours like crackheads in a crackhouse. And then when we came down from our high we would tell each other that we looked like crackwhores. Because we did. Sunken, tired eyes, aimlessly wandering around trying to remember what we needed to do before we drank the PSL. Yes I know, I am a horrible horrible person, I got a 9 year old addicted to espresso. But what the fuck ever, Italians let their kids drink espresso and they turn out all right.

jersey shore


Then I found this food challenge I wanted to try. It’s 30 days long and while you can have 1 cup of black coffee a day, we all know that the PSL is no where close to being black coffee. So I had to quit. Lucky suggested that I just straight up eat espresso beans like a fiend, but I think for the sake of everyone else I’ll just stop with the coffee all together. 

So that brings us to the breakup. You see, Fridays were my crack day. I would wake up with a shit eating grin on my face every Friday, first and foremost because it was Friday, but also because I got the crack on Fridays. My PSL and my cinnamon roll.

cinnamon heaven

(I’m convinced that in Heaven people swim in PSL and have cinnamon roll pillows.)

Each Friday I would get to work throw my shit down and skip off to Starbucks without a care in the world. After a few weeks my co-workers started to notice that after returning from my coffee run, I would ping from the walls for the next 4-6 hours and get absolutely no office related work done. I became a different person, I was a sociable spaz and told people (everyone, separately) in the office my opinions on things like cloth diapers and flavored beer. No one cared, but they loved it. After about a month of said behavior, when I would come to work on Fridays some would chant, “Crack day! Crack day! Crack day!” The pressure became too much, so when I decided to do the 30 day challenge I had to break it to everyone that the coming Friday would be my final crack day.  They cried, but they’ll get over it. Eventually.

When I went to Starbucks for my Final Crack Day, I broke the news to Jake the Barista (Baristo? What the hell do you call boy Baristas?) that he would not see me for at least the next month, possibly forever if I could withstand it, and that I really appreciated him always warming my cinnamon roll to the perfect temperature, hot enough to melt the frosting but not so hot that it burnt my mouth.  Jake was sad to see me go, he even drew little sad faces on my cup. But at last, we parted ways.

And that is how I dumped the PSL and cinnamon roll. The best relationship I’ve ever had.

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3rd times a charm?

I should warn you that if you’re looking for some LOLZ today, this is not the place for you.  I’m about to get into some tres heavy shit.  However, I would appreciate all of your advice 🙂 love yas!

Remember my friend Betty, the one who tried to eff things up with HSC while inadvertainly making me feel good about my own life because hers is so messed up? The saga continues…

Wednesday after work I came home to find a text from Betty, “I started drinking at 4 with browniesp.”  I wrote back saying, “Huh? Why are you drinking with brownies.” And she called.

Before I even had time to say hello she said, “Do you have a beer in your hand? Cause you might want to get one. I’m about to drop a bomb on you.” A phrase that is all too familiar coming from Betty.  Knowing I would need it, I grabbed a beer from the fridge and told her to drop away.

She started by saying her and her boyfriend’s credit wasn’t approved for the house they are trying to buy.  But they only needed to improve it by 40 points and then they could get it with no problem, her plan was to have her ex husband take her off accounts she didn’t sign off on that he had delinquent payments for.  “Then my credit will go up, and we can get it.”  Being the financial connoisseur that I am, I know that it will take years to get those things off her credit report.  But I had a feeling that wasn’t the giant bomb so I agreed and let her lie to herself that they’d be able to buy it before the summer.

Then she proceeds to tell me that her boyfriend told her he had been looking at rings, planned to buy one, and was going to propose this spring when they took a trip to the West Coast.  So my response? “Wow, why would he tell you that, it should be a surprise!” Her response? “Well, mother fucker got me knocked up.” Then the conversation continued as follows:

Gizzy: What, what, what? Oh my god.  Oh my god. Oh my god.

Betty: Yeah, we were going to get married in a few weeks.  But, I’m drunk right now, so obviously I’m not keeping it.  Oh and it’s twins. So now we’re thinking this summer.

Gizzy: Oh my god.  Twins? Oh my god.  Oh my god.  Oh my god.  Oh my god.

Betty: Yeah, we decided that we want to buy a house and travel.  I want to do things right this time, you know get married THEN have a baby.  Traveling and getting a house just seems like more fun.

Then, you know the conversation when on a little more and I just kept saying oh my god. 

While I was talking to her I couldn’t really process what was going on and it took talking to Lucky about it to calm me down and really get a grasp on what was happening.

A little backstory that I’ve never mentioned during any of Betty’s drama.  This will be Betty’s 3rd abortion, and she has 1 child.  Back in college she had her first, then she had her second when her and her now ex-husband were on the rocks and her daughter was a little over a year old, and then now she’s going to have another one because she wants to have fun.  When she had the first two she didn’t tell me about it until after the procedure was over.  The first time I was the only person that knew, other than her parents and the baby’s father.  With the second, she told me, her husband, and one other friend.  But this time she said other than her boyfriend I am the only one she’s telling.

I told Lucky all about it, how it didn’t seem to really have an impact on Betty at all.  She didn’t seem upset or worried, she was just kind of whatever about it.  It also didn’t seem as though Betty had thought it all the way through.  Having an abortion is just always the solution to her and she doesn’t think it’s a big deal. 

Don’t get me wrong, both Lucky and I are pro-choice.  It’s her body, her family, she can do what she wants and I will support her.  But it becomes a problem when she is doing it excessively.  And she is. 

Instead of using birth control, she just gets an abortion.  She’s told me numerous times that she doesn’t want to be on birth control because it makes her crazy and fat.  Which to me, is no excuse, especially since there are many alternative birth control methods to the pill that don’t make you crazy and fat, like OH condoms.  But you know what, I’m not here to lecture, she is a grown ass woman and obviously knows that sex makes babies.

Anyway, I was telling Lucky that since I am the only person she is telling about this and I assume that I am the only person that knows about all 3 abortions, I feel like it’s my responsibility to say something and ask her, how are you going to make sure this doesn’t happen again?  Since obviously having to go through this awful procedure isn’t enough to knock some sense into her, I’ll have to do it.

Lucky brought up a good point, that clearly Betty doesn’t realize the risks associated with having an abortion, let alone 3, and childbirth.  Sure, right now she is fertle mertle, but what about after she has this procedure done?  Her and her boyfriend DO want to have children someday.  But what if this is it?  Things go wrong, and abortion procedures are shady, she may not be able to have children after this.  It doesn’t seem like the thought of not being able to get pregnant has occurred to her, simply because she has been pregnant 4 times and is only 26.

I also find it hard to believe she doesn’t really want the babies. She was just telling me not 2 months ago that her and her boyfriend were talking about having kids.  She wanted want now (back then) and he wanted to wait, so they were waiting.  I can see that she is probably afraid he will up and leave her in the middle of the night (which is what I told Lucky not a week ago before I knew about any of this would probably happen) and then she’ll be left with a 4 year old and twin babies.  So maybe she is letting him make the call because she doesn’t want to lose him.  I honestly don’t know. 

What I do know is that I can’t sit here and let her do this for a 3rd time without making sure she has really thought it through. 

Let me be straight here, I am not trying to change her mind or talk her out of anything, I’m not here to judge her or be anything but supportive – but for the sake of my friend, her family, her unborn children, and my own mental health I want to make sure she really knows what she’s doing.  I know that if I say the wrong thing to her or come at her with the wrong attitude this could be the end of our friendship, so I am really thinking about this before I say anything.

Any advice, concerns, personal stories anyone has that will help please feel free to share.  I know it’s a touchy subject, so if you’d like to share something privately feel free to send us an email cocktailsattiffanys@gmail.com.  I appreciate all the advice I can get!


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So because I am crazy stressed and feel like this monkey looks:

I am going to opt out of rambling about how much my life sucks today.  It’s like I know you guys know it sucks, and you know you guys know it sucks, and you know I know you guys know it sucks, but I continue to ramble about it every day. So, I’m going to shut my pie hole, get back to work so I can go home before midnight, and leave you with this lovely gem to curb everyone’s frickin baby fever…

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Family Ties

I just want to let everyone know that Lucky is OK.  I know it’s very rare that she misses a posting day (unlike myself, the slack ass of the group) but she is like kind of dying.  Seriously she sent me a text on Monday asking how high her temperature has to get before she should go to the hospital.  So she is like RULL sick, and then she had all that life ruining dental work done yesterday, but she is a strong girl and SHE WILL SURVIVE and she will be BACK, and thank goodness because this 1 woman circus is not all that entertaining… Gloria Gaynor with me now…First I was afraid, I was petrified, kept thinking I would never live….Anyone? No? Hrmph.

As if anyone cares for an update on the “Road to Find Myself:  Stories of a Lost Blogger” there really aren’t any.  I’m just as bi-polar about what I want to do with myself as I was 2 days ago.  I go from YEAH! I’m moving to LA and I’m going to do something really cool/I wonder which celebrity I can convince to marry me? to wanting to move in next door to my parents so that I don’t ever have to cook for myself  or do my own laundry again .  I know, it’s called compromise, I have 4 months.. I’ll find it.  And if I don’t, there’s always stripping.  Also my dad told me the other day that he thinks homeless people begging for money on the streets probably make more a week than I do.  So, there’s a thought.  “Please help.  Will tell testicle jokes for quarters.  If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?” I try really hard, ok? I also firmly believe that I would be a good candidate for Wipeout.  I would call myself Frizzy Gizzy, crimp and tease my hair, and act all mad scientist like.  It could work.

Anyway, what was I going to blog about today?  Oh right, my family.  So I helped my aunt throw a birthday party this past weekend for my mom and her son, “Cousin B”… here’s a family tree to help you keep track:

gizzy’s family tree

So all is good in the hood, a lot of people showed up… I was running around being super hostess, making sure everyone had enough to eat and something to drink.   Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Cousin Z was off in a lawn chair sleeping, which he does at every gathering.  He was supposed to help with this party so of course I’m like what a jackass blah blah blah.

My family is also notorious for practical jokes.  After unsuccessfully convincing no one to smash a cupcake in Cousin Z’s face to wake him up I decided to go for it myself.  WAM! Pink cup cake up the nose… mwhahaa.  It was bitter sweet.  Sweet because I got him good, bitter because he didn’t say a word and just got up and walked away. 

The next thing I know it’s 20 minutes later and I see Cousin Z flying out of the house with a pan of baked beans toward 2nd Cousin W, 2nd Cousin S, and Baby D.  It was like slow motion, I could hear myself in that low movie voice saying… “NOOOOO…OOOOOOOO” as he dumped the beans all over 2nd Cousin W’s head, all over 2nd Cousin S’s left arm, and all over Baby D’s face. 

Of course the whole family goes ape shit because he got beans all over the baby.  Yeah, I realize how white trash this sounds, mostly because it is white trash.  So we’ve got 2nd Cousin W jumping up and down screaming “WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK!” in Cousin Z’s face all while Cousin S is slinging beans off her arm and 3 month old Baby D is enjoying licking the tastey bean juice off his lips.  All while half of the family is coming to me asking why I did that because I knew he would retaliate and the other half is screaming at Cousin Z for throwing beans at a baby. 

There were a lot of words exchanged, I offered to out myself and to tell Cousin Z that I was the cupcake culprit (which stained his face pink) and everyone told me not to because that would just lead to more chaos. 

So basically everyone left the party except Cousin Z and Cousin B’s half brother D, 2nd Cousin S, me and a few others.  I was facebook creeping on the party attendees and noticed that in fact Cousin Z and Cousin B’s half brother D and Cousin S are in a relationship.  Really family?  We’re doing incest now?  I mean I know they aren’t technically blood related, but that is gross, right?

Like what would you tell your kids, um yeah you know your uncle Z and uncle B? Well they are Mommy’s cousins and my brothers.  LIKE WTF! The world is not ending, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and we do not need to be doing this right now.  I know they’re in high school so the odds of it actually working out are slim to none, but still… I can’t imagine the high school kids are supportive of this.  If I knew someone who was dating their 2nd cousin’s brother I would absolutely point laugh and tell them they were going to have retarded babies.  They should be ashamed of it.  JESUS!! WHAT IS GOING ON!!!?

I need to get out of this country.

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