Over the weekend, D informed me of some pretty cool news: Not only was E’s graduation coming up, but D said her mom wanted me to be there.
WOW! I am so in, right?
The kindergarten graduation ceremony begins at 9:30 Friday morning, so I took the day off work. After the ceremony me, E, D, and E’s mom (D’s ex wife, just to be clear) are going out to lunch to celebrate.
D said he was going to buy E a bouquet of flowers for the occasion. Flowers? Psshh.
I ventured to Target in search of the perfect gift; nothing too flashy, but something to show that I care, and that I’m cool, and that she should like me, dammit.
I really wanted to get a “Graduation Barbie”…which, turns out that even though Barbie is a mom and a doctor and a veterinarian and President, she didn’t graduate. So I was left wandering down the Barbie aisle.
Eventually, I came across the Barbie Pocket Learner:
Yeah, looks awesome, right?
According to the packaging, this little gadget has 24 interactive activities including logic, vocabulary, numbers, and more! You can even send Barbie “emails.”
I was pretty stoked that I found a cool-looking toy that was somewhat educational for a low price. So, I grabbed some wrapping paper and headed home.
Sunday morning, while making the obligatory call to mom, I was messing around with the pocket learner, planning on getting my number-game on, you know?
So I turn it on, and it’s Barbie’s pretty face, paired with some danceable tunes, and Barbie says to me, “HI BETSY!!!!”
My mom hears this and says, “But her name isn’t Betsy!”
I know this fact, and also know that if E turns on this toy and it says Betsy and not “E” I am doomed FOREVER.
So I search through the toy, looking to where I can customize it and make it say E and not Betsy. Who is this Betsy? Some lil whore whose mom was off looking at frozen pizzas while Betsy was left in the Barbie aisle customizing all of the pocket learners.
I had no luck, so I went to Google and looked up the instructions (the learner was still in its package, mind you) and still had no luck.
But the pieces started coming together—it was a toy for 3+, didn’t have any complex instructions, and chances are, it had no real customizable capabilities.
Then, it finally clicked. Barbie was saying, “HI BESTIE.”
Not Betsy. Le sigh.